I logged onto Facebook last night to find my homepage covered with status updates about Osama bin Laden's death...I quickly turned on the T.V. (because the media on television is always more accurate than Facebook, right?). Sure enough - this man who has become such an elusive icon of violence and terrorism was dead, and the U.S. had his body to prove it.
Three things before I continue:
1. I'm incredibly grateful to live in America, and I'm even more grateful that men and women are willing to protect us in the armed forces.
2. I'm not pro or anti war - I see and understand the reasons for it, and the reasons to avoid it - so when I say what I'm about to say, I'm not taking political sides, or saying I'm ungrateful for men and women who protect us... I'm not taking a side on it.. mainly because it wouldn't help anything if I did...partly because I'm tired of hearing folks argue about it.
3. These are just thoughts as I process... I'm not an authority and there's a great chance I'm incorrect in my thinking. Take this as a disclaimer. Now I'll move on...
I won't lie - initially, I was glad to hear the news. It made the war seem a bit more worth it - knowing that this manhunt was finally over. I wasn't jumping up and down - actually, I was trying to kill a roach in our living room (they move in when you leave your door open all day). I think I had more of the 24 kind of thoughts running through my head - like bin Laden would really still be alive and the body was a look-a-like (too many spy movies and soap operas, I know)... but then it occurred to me that someone was dead. Words like "victory" and "justice" were spoken, followed by phrases like "God bless America." Whatever relief I felt was quickly met with confusion, and questions.
- Am I insensitive, or unpatriotic, or ungrateful to be sad over the death of a terrorist and violent, morally deficient man?
- Is this really a victory?
- What does true justice look like - was this it?
- Am I ungrateful or unpatriotic if when hearing "God Bless America" in this situation makes me a little uneasy?
I've read a lot of posts, statuses, and listened to a lot of opinions on this topic since last night. Some I agree with, others I don't. In processing my thoughts about it (which is what this post is - processing), I've got a couple thoughts...
1. I think it's okay to be glad that there will be one less terrorist terrorizing and torturing people. I don't mean glad as in - let's go celebrate with our American flags and gloat about it - I just mean, I think it's okay to find the joy in knowing that he won't hurt another person again. Things that he planned and participated in were horrific to say the least, and he'll never harm another human being again...I think that's good. I think that God is Sovereign, and He always works for His glory. He has instituted earthly government in complete sovereignty. If justice is equated with carrying out fair actions, than "a life for a life" seems just. Justice says that I deserve death because of my sin - the Gospel says that God, in His mercy, sent Jesus to pay for my sin - and that only through faith in His death and resurrection - am I justified from my sin. God is both merciful and just - always. His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts - which is why I struggle sometimes reading the Old Testament. There are times when God seems to just wipe out people groups at random - BUT I don't believe it was without purpose. I believe He's good. I believe that He is good and that He pursues us - He wants to bring us into a saving relationship with Him - but I think there's a point (who knows when that is) when we reject Him one too many times. Apart from the justification of Christ Jesus, we're held accountable to a law and standard of holiness that we could never maintain - and a just ruling by the law is death.
2. I think it's okay to be sad. I climbed into bed with my head full of thoughts last night, and I realized that God doesn't view my sin as any better or worse than this terrorist. There's no hierarchy of sin. No one sin hurts God's heart less than another, and no mistake hurts his heart worse than another - Sin is sin. My sin put the Son of God on a cross just as much as bin Laden's did. I really believe that Jesus died for him with as much love and grace and intention that he had for me and you. This might sound a bit much - but if Jesus equated lust with adultery, and hatred with murder - then can we really say that we're better than this man? Self-righteousness rose in me like crazy - how could God really love a terrorist just as much as He loves me? But the truth is - He loves me because He is love, not because of who I am or what I do (or don't do, or don't do most of the time) - and I believe He loved bin Laden, not because of what bin Laden did or because his actions didn't break God's heart - but because He is love. It's okay to be sad that bin Laden is dead because he will spend eternity separated from Holy God - and before you say, "he deserves it" - you must acknowledge that you and I do too.
3. I get a bit nervous when we say things like "God bless America" and here's why:
*It's not that I don't want God to bless my country - I do. I think He has - abundantly and graciously - blessed us. I just think we've turned from Him and gone our own way as a country. God graciously blesses us because He sees fit to do so, but I really think our arrogance as a nation will catch up to us. It's His kindness that's meant to lead us to repentance - but I feel like we're just a bunch of spoiled children who run up to Him, take the blessing, and abuse His grace at will. We come to Him when things are bad, but we just come because we want what He can give us - not because we want Him. It's not just America - it's people. I do that. I do that all the time.
*I think when I hear "God bless America" it's generally in the context of asking God to bless us more than another country or people - or in the context of "We're better than you" as though we have God on our side and they don't. As though He loves us more and He doesn't care for them at all. Do I want God to bless my country? Yes. Do I want Him to bless other nations? Yes. Why? because I want their eyes to be open to grace - just like I want my eyes to be open to grace - and just like I want my country's eyes to be open to grace.
*Sometimes when I hear "God bless America" it's in the context of wanting Him to bless us because we think we've done something great as a nation and we deserve it. I think it's a dangerous trap to get into personally and corporately as a nation. When I approach the throne of God with my "report card", and point to what I think is a great grade and ask/demand Him to bless me for it - I'm on dangerous ground. I don't know how well it goes over with God Almighty when we come before Him in a spirit of entitlement. Does He bless those who seek Him, who ask for blessing, who obey Him? Yes, according to His wisdom and will. Has He blessed me when I've least deserved it? Yes, according to His grace and mercy. I might be wrong in this, but part of me thinks that if I come before God demanding to be blessed for my performance, it might be in my best interest to check the attitude of my heart.
As far as war is concerned, I'll leave you with these words from Paul:
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,
against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness
in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that
you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm."
- Ephesians 6:12-13
As far as victory is concerned, I'll leave you with this: Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again.
<3 a
Monday, May 2, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
gracious uncertainty
Prepare yourself for a scatterbrained post...
Today was a day of firsts for me:
1. First time watching a royal wedding; embarassingly fascinated with two total strangers.
2. First time begging a man not to tow a car - first time getting my car towed.
3. First time celebrating graduation/jobs with Rachel and Adrienne
In other news:
Sometimes I wonder if I really ever learn...if I really ever "get" it - whatever "it" might be. It's incredibly frustrating. Here's a common lesson, a simple lesson, that's been on repeat for a while:
My faith cannot be in my faith. My faith must be in the faithfulness of my God.
My belief cannot be in my level/feeling of belief or what I believe about God. My belief must be in God Himself.
I'm not sure how it's going - but I feel like I'm not the brightest student.
In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald talked today about "Gracious Uncertainty" - about how when we have completely surrendered everything to the Lord, we can be certain only of God Himself (His Word, His promises, His character). Everything else in our life exists in a state of gracious uncertainty because we are completely abandoned to the Lord - and though we don't know what He has for us, we know who He is and we can rest solely in Him. He also talks about the lesson I mentioned above. I want this to be true of me, true of my relationship with the Lord. That I am at home in gracious uncertainty - because I am certain of God Himself.
I was talking to Quintin, one of the Nav leaders in Clemson, tonight about finances. He works at a bank and was telling me all kinds of things about budgeting - which, as boring as it sounds, was really awesome and helpful. After our conversation, I was walking back inside and it hit me that I was really beginning to make decisions I had never thought of making on my own. I don't think I really planned on being in a committed relationship or engaged, but I do think I grew up sorta thinking it would happen at this point in my life (it might be a girl thing, it might be a southern thing). Now that I'm here, I'm really okay being single - I can't imagine my life differently. It was just a thought that came - quickly and in a little bit of a "Wow" tone - that I was thinking about the next step in my life without really leaving room, or waiting, for a relationship. That tiny surge of "confidence" about growing up was followed by that "oh crap, adulthood" thought.
A bit later, I found myself in a conversation that I had successfully avoided for an entire year. Though the topic had weighed heavy on my heart the past few months, I had recently resigned myself to drop it. For those of you that know me, you know that I'm generally incredibly outspoken and am often too blunt. However, as bold and as courageous as I would like to be, I generally wimp out when it comes to conversations like this. As much as I've played out exactly what I would say if I could muster up the confidence, I'm quick to keep quiet. Then it happened - it came out of left field - and it was met with fumbling and stuttering like you wouldn't believe. No one has ever beat around the bush so ungracefully. With my head still spinning, I drove home thinking about gracious uncertainty, amid other things. While I'm still processing, I know that this is true: while what I hoped for was good, greater things are yet to come.
Do I feel uncertain? Yes...so many things are in the air and trying to juggle them can be overwhelming, if not impossible. While my first impulse is to become anxious, that's not of the Lord at all. Regardless of my feelings, my Father is faithful, sovereign, and good...of His character, I can certainly rest assured. I do not walk alone.
<3 a
PS: I'm moving here in July....
Today was a day of firsts for me:
1. First time watching a royal wedding; embarassingly fascinated with two total strangers.
2. First time begging a man not to tow a car - first time getting my car towed.
3. First time celebrating graduation/jobs with Rachel and Adrienne
In other news:
Sometimes I wonder if I really ever learn...if I really ever "get" it - whatever "it" might be. It's incredibly frustrating. Here's a common lesson, a simple lesson, that's been on repeat for a while:
My faith cannot be in my faith. My faith must be in the faithfulness of my God.
My belief cannot be in my level/feeling of belief or what I believe about God. My belief must be in God Himself.
I'm not sure how it's going - but I feel like I'm not the brightest student.
In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald talked today about "Gracious Uncertainty" - about how when we have completely surrendered everything to the Lord, we can be certain only of God Himself (His Word, His promises, His character). Everything else in our life exists in a state of gracious uncertainty because we are completely abandoned to the Lord - and though we don't know what He has for us, we know who He is and we can rest solely in Him. He also talks about the lesson I mentioned above. I want this to be true of me, true of my relationship with the Lord. That I am at home in gracious uncertainty - because I am certain of God Himself.
I was talking to Quintin, one of the Nav leaders in Clemson, tonight about finances. He works at a bank and was telling me all kinds of things about budgeting - which, as boring as it sounds, was really awesome and helpful. After our conversation, I was walking back inside and it hit me that I was really beginning to make decisions I had never thought of making on my own. I don't think I really planned on being in a committed relationship or engaged, but I do think I grew up sorta thinking it would happen at this point in my life (it might be a girl thing, it might be a southern thing). Now that I'm here, I'm really okay being single - I can't imagine my life differently. It was just a thought that came - quickly and in a little bit of a "Wow" tone - that I was thinking about the next step in my life without really leaving room, or waiting, for a relationship. That tiny surge of "confidence" about growing up was followed by that "oh crap, adulthood" thought.
A bit later, I found myself in a conversation that I had successfully avoided for an entire year. Though the topic had weighed heavy on my heart the past few months, I had recently resigned myself to drop it. For those of you that know me, you know that I'm generally incredibly outspoken and am often too blunt. However, as bold and as courageous as I would like to be, I generally wimp out when it comes to conversations like this. As much as I've played out exactly what I would say if I could muster up the confidence, I'm quick to keep quiet. Then it happened - it came out of left field - and it was met with fumbling and stuttering like you wouldn't believe. No one has ever beat around the bush so ungracefully. With my head still spinning, I drove home thinking about gracious uncertainty, amid other things. While I'm still processing, I know that this is true: while what I hoped for was good, greater things are yet to come.
Do I feel uncertain? Yes...so many things are in the air and trying to juggle them can be overwhelming, if not impossible. While my first impulse is to become anxious, that's not of the Lord at all. Regardless of my feelings, my Father is faithful, sovereign, and good...of His character, I can certainly rest assured. I do not walk alone.
<3 a
PS: I'm moving here in July....
Thursday, April 7, 2011
chesed
Chesed, or "Hesed" is a Hebrew word used often in the Old Testament in reference to the Lord's love for Israel. To be completely honest, it can't even be properly translated into English because we have no words to do it justice. From what I've learned, Chesed is a relational term - it describes God's covenant love between Himself and Israel. Though Israel constantly disobeyed and failed on their end of the bargain, the Lord was (and has always remained) faithful to His end. Chesed is a beautiful word - because it embodies all grace, mercy, compassion, kindness and faithfulness as it describes the pursuing love of a Holy God jealous for His chosen people.
So what?
I was standing in a trauma bay recently- trying desperately not to pass out - as I watched young people come into the hospital from a bad accident. A few thoughts crossed my mind initially: 1. Why in heaven's name do they keep these trauma bays SO hot?? (I know the answer, but working in 87 F is NOT fun) and 2. This could have easily been my brothers last fall.
I noticed another nursing student standing in the corner on the other side of the room. Our main goal was to stay out of the way! We looked at each other and smiled - knowing that we were in the same boat - as we watched the team work. I felt sick and hot, and I knew that I was pale as a sheet... over the past year, I've quickly been able to recognize when I'm about to hit the floor. I began to pray for my patient as they worked. When word got to us that the family had arrived, I went with the nurse to talk to them. In a daze, I realized that this could have easily been my family a few months ago. I continued to pray, even harder when I realized that one parent had "given up" on the Lord.
It's easy for me to despair in situations like this - when a kid is dead, when a patient may never walk again, and when another is screaming from a room down the hall. It's easy for me to lose hope and wonder, honestly, how God is both sovereign and good at the same time. It's easy for me, in situations like this, to listen to lies from the enemy and become anxious. For now, I choose to believe and firmly hold onto Chesed, and it's close partner "Charis" (grace).
There are a few things that I know:
1. I deserve nothing but hell, and anything short of hell - be it "good" or "bad" is evidence of God's grace towards me.
2. I could be wrong, but I'm beginning to see from Genesis, how the knowledge of "good" and "evil" was never "intended" to be mine - man chose that when we ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So I refer back to #1. (Genesis 2:15-16; Genesis 3; Genesis 3:21 NASB)
3. Nothing separates my family, or anyone else, from those involved in this event. It's not a matter of whether God loved one family more than another, or whether there was any kind of "luck" involved - each situation in our lives happens with the sole purpose of displaying God's glory (ex: John 9:1-3). If God was most glorified in my life through a "bad" situation, then I'm sure I would experience it. I don't think He shows partiality. And I might add, God works for His glory and our good simultaneously - one never contradicts or negates the other.
4. God's grace is overwhelming - my patient has a long way to go - but by the end of the day, the Lord was already working in his body physically and (continue to pray) in his family spiritually.
The anger, grief, and confusion I witnessed in this circumstance was all too familiar to me. I've had my fair share of anger towards the Lord - moments when I wanted to walk away completely - but as I continue to get older, He continues to show me just how completely He loves - and how He relentlessly pursues us in love (Chesed). I'm so quick to label circumstances as "awful," "bad," "impossible," OR "good," "awesome," and "favorable." When, in all reality, "This is the day that the Lord has made" and I must "rejoice and be glad in it." Because, at the end of the day - it's His grace (Charis) and His unrelenting, unconditional love (Chesed) that hold me fast.
<3 a
So what?
I was standing in a trauma bay recently- trying desperately not to pass out - as I watched young people come into the hospital from a bad accident. A few thoughts crossed my mind initially: 1. Why in heaven's name do they keep these trauma bays SO hot?? (I know the answer, but working in 87 F is NOT fun) and 2. This could have easily been my brothers last fall.
I noticed another nursing student standing in the corner on the other side of the room. Our main goal was to stay out of the way! We looked at each other and smiled - knowing that we were in the same boat - as we watched the team work. I felt sick and hot, and I knew that I was pale as a sheet... over the past year, I've quickly been able to recognize when I'm about to hit the floor. I began to pray for my patient as they worked. When word got to us that the family had arrived, I went with the nurse to talk to them. In a daze, I realized that this could have easily been my family a few months ago. I continued to pray, even harder when I realized that one parent had "given up" on the Lord.
It's easy for me to despair in situations like this - when a kid is dead, when a patient may never walk again, and when another is screaming from a room down the hall. It's easy for me to lose hope and wonder, honestly, how God is both sovereign and good at the same time. It's easy for me, in situations like this, to listen to lies from the enemy and become anxious. For now, I choose to believe and firmly hold onto Chesed, and it's close partner "Charis" (grace).
There are a few things that I know:
1. I deserve nothing but hell, and anything short of hell - be it "good" or "bad" is evidence of God's grace towards me.
2. I could be wrong, but I'm beginning to see from Genesis, how the knowledge of "good" and "evil" was never "intended" to be mine - man chose that when we ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So I refer back to #1. (Genesis 2:15-16; Genesis 3; Genesis 3:21 NASB)
3. Nothing separates my family, or anyone else, from those involved in this event. It's not a matter of whether God loved one family more than another, or whether there was any kind of "luck" involved - each situation in our lives happens with the sole purpose of displaying God's glory (ex: John 9:1-3). If God was most glorified in my life through a "bad" situation, then I'm sure I would experience it. I don't think He shows partiality. And I might add, God works for His glory and our good simultaneously - one never contradicts or negates the other.
4. God's grace is overwhelming - my patient has a long way to go - but by the end of the day, the Lord was already working in his body physically and (continue to pray) in his family spiritually.
The anger, grief, and confusion I witnessed in this circumstance was all too familiar to me. I've had my fair share of anger towards the Lord - moments when I wanted to walk away completely - but as I continue to get older, He continues to show me just how completely He loves - and how He relentlessly pursues us in love (Chesed). I'm so quick to label circumstances as "awful," "bad," "impossible," OR "good," "awesome," and "favorable." When, in all reality, "This is the day that the Lord has made" and I must "rejoice and be glad in it." Because, at the end of the day - it's His grace (Charis) and His unrelenting, unconditional love (Chesed) that hold me fast.
<3 a
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Gracias!
Hello Family!
I just wanted to thank you for your prayers and support throughout my adventure to Ecuador. I wish that each of you could see how the Lord used you while we were caring for the Shuar Indians right now, but I know that you will get to meet many of them on the other side of the cross. For now, here are some stories and pictures to serve as a reminder of just how good our God is and how blessed it is to pour out our lives before Him:
This girl was 20 years old. Seven years ago a tree fell on her home killing two of her brothers and seriously injuring her arm. Her first surgery resulted in a large keloid that fused her arm together for the past seven years. Through the help of a gracious doctor, we were able to surgically correct her arm in an OR at the local Red Cross. With physical therapy, we expect her to recover full function of her arm!
Outside of clinics, it was amazing to see the Lord moving in the hearts of my team members. On our last night, one of the guys from the team was hanging out with me and the only other student believers I know on our team. He had so many questions about what we believed, why we believed it, and why we lived the way we did. God is definitely moving in his heart.
During the many bus rides, I spent some time in prayer. I wanted to know what my motivation was for wanting to work overseas, what my purpose was, and what kept nagging at me that I couldn't put a finger on. I realized that I had not been loving the Lord with all of my heart, all of my mind, and all of my strength. I was missing out on that abundant life, that intimacy with Jesus – I was tired of complacency. Two days later, I asked Brother Guillermo to share his testimony with me. He spoke about a time in his life where he decided to love Jesus with everything. He said two things that struck me, having no idea what God had been teaching me that week. One I will leave with you, “The difference between traditional Christianity and having abundant life is accepting the invitation to go on a great adventure of faith with Jesus everyday.” You have played a crucial role in this great adventure of faith in Ecuador. My prayer for us is that we would continue each day loving Jesus with everything, accepting His invitation of living a life of adventure in faith with Him.
There will be many more posts, with many more stories later.
I just wanted to thank you for your prayers and support throughout my adventure to Ecuador. I wish that each of you could see how the Lord used you while we were caring for the Shuar Indians right now, but I know that you will get to meet many of them on the other side of the cross. For now, here are some stories and pictures to serve as a reminder of just how good our God is and how blessed it is to pour out our lives before Him:
This girl was 20 years old. Seven years ago a tree fell on her home killing two of her brothers and seriously injuring her arm. Her first surgery resulted in a large keloid that fused her arm together for the past seven years. Through the help of a gracious doctor, we were able to surgically correct her arm in an OR at the local Red Cross. With physical therapy, we expect her to recover full function of her arm!
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| Before Surgery |
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| Our "OR" |
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| Those would be recycled Gatorade bottles |
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| Adrienne and I with our patient and her mom after surgery |
During our second clinical day we were able to remove oral cancer from a man’s mouth. While handing out worming medications to the school children, I noticed a speck in one girl’s eye that looked abnormal. One of the most difficult moments of the trip was hearing that it was “melanoma until ruled out.” She was referred to a specialist and will hopefully receive the treatment she needs. Please continue to pray for her!
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| Medical station |
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| Pastor Miller and the school children at the evangelism station |
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| Some of the local kids - they loved having their picture taken |
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| My first wound debridement - this little boy was hit by a truck. He was a trooper! |
It was amazing to see the Lord provide. We landed in Ecuador only to have the majority of our medications confiscated in the airport due to a miscommunication. We left that night wondering how we were going to do clinics with no antibiotics, no vitamins, no medications except for some antihistamines! There was a peace that I had never felt before, just waiting to see how God would provide. It turns out, most of the medicine was replaced from a closet in the mission house and we were able to purchase more adult antibiotics. We had medicine for the entire week of clinics! Our God is so good!
Outside of clinics, it was amazing to see the Lord moving in the hearts of my team members. On our last night, one of the guys from the team was hanging out with me and the only other student believers I know on our team. He had so many questions about what we believed, why we believed it, and why we lived the way we did. God is definitely moving in his heart.
 |
| Our pre-cable car expressions |
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| A famous waterfall |
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| Hiking back to the bus on clinical day 3 |
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| Why yes - I am holding the head of a boa constrictor and smiling |
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| Incision and Drainage (I&D) of a breast abscess. Maybe that's an airplane blanket we "borrowed" from Delta. |
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| One of many active volcanoes |
The week was full of hard work, heartbreak, joy, peace and frustration, but it was also full of fun. We were able to see the Amazon river, go on a cable car ride, see plenty of volcanoes and work deep in the heart of the jungle. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for you. I hope you know how much God used your prayers and your financial support for His glory this week. Lives were changed. People crossed over from death to life in Jesus. The church grew in number and in strength. People were healed.
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| Crossing the Amazon on a sketch bridge |
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| The creepiest pig I've ever seen in a toy store in Macas |
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In the jungle, if the road isn't wide enough, you make it wider with your machete. |
During the many bus rides, I spent some time in prayer. I wanted to know what my motivation was for wanting to work overseas, what my purpose was, and what kept nagging at me that I couldn't put a finger on. I realized that I had not been loving the Lord with all of my heart, all of my mind, and all of my strength. I was missing out on that abundant life, that intimacy with Jesus – I was tired of complacency. Two days later, I asked Brother Guillermo to share his testimony with me. He spoke about a time in his life where he decided to love Jesus with everything. He said two things that struck me, having no idea what God had been teaching me that week. One I will leave with you, “The difference between traditional Christianity and having abundant life is accepting the invitation to go on a great adventure of faith with Jesus everyday.” You have played a crucial role in this great adventure of faith in Ecuador. My prayer for us is that we would continue each day loving Jesus with everything, accepting His invitation of living a life of adventure in faith with Him.
There will be many more posts, with many more stories later.
<3 a
Friday, March 18, 2011
leaving on a jet plane.....
....headed to the Amazon jungle!
In 24 hours I will be leaving Clemson and headed towards Atlanta, where I'll be getting on a plane and flying straight to Quito, Ecuador. From Quito, we'll eventually end up in Macas where we'll be setting up clinics in surrounding areas for the week. I'm super excited and a bit nervous, but I can't wait to see how the trip goes. God is so good, and so great. I know that He has some big things in store for us as we go - but I crave your prayers!
Ways you can pray:
* Our Team
-Unity! We're coming from all over and we'll meet each other in Atlanta. Pray for unity as we get to know each other and dive into ministry together.
-Flexibility - We've got no idea what we're walking into but Jesus does - pray for flexible attitudes as we juggle crazy schedules, travel fatigue, etc.
-Health - Several of our team members are coming with health issues - severe allergies, etc. that can be exacerbated in the jungle. Pray for our health and that God's strength would be perfected in our weakness
-Freedom from anxiety, fear, and stress!
- Time to press into Jesus - to play "hide and seek" with Him as we pursue deeper intimacy
-Wisdom and discernment as we care for folks - and that God would MULTIPLY our resources as we encounter need!
*Shuar Indians
- These are the lovely people we'll be working with in Ecuador! We'll come with our medicine, vitamins, etc. but there is only one thing that I have that will make them whole and give them life - and that's Jesus. Please pray for healing, salvation, and encouragement over the Shuar Indians. Pray that we would be humble and teachable - as God has much to teach us. Pray that lives would begin and that hearts would be made new as folks come to know Jesus as their Lord, Savior and Healer.
Above all - pray that God would be most glorified.
Here are a few pics as we get ready to leave:
In 24 hours I will be leaving Clemson and headed towards Atlanta, where I'll be getting on a plane and flying straight to Quito, Ecuador. From Quito, we'll eventually end up in Macas where we'll be setting up clinics in surrounding areas for the week. I'm super excited and a bit nervous, but I can't wait to see how the trip goes. God is so good, and so great. I know that He has some big things in store for us as we go - but I crave your prayers!
Ways you can pray:
* Our Team
-Unity! We're coming from all over and we'll meet each other in Atlanta. Pray for unity as we get to know each other and dive into ministry together.
-Flexibility - We've got no idea what we're walking into but Jesus does - pray for flexible attitudes as we juggle crazy schedules, travel fatigue, etc.
-Health - Several of our team members are coming with health issues - severe allergies, etc. that can be exacerbated in the jungle. Pray for our health and that God's strength would be perfected in our weakness
-Freedom from anxiety, fear, and stress!
- Time to press into Jesus - to play "hide and seek" with Him as we pursue deeper intimacy
-Wisdom and discernment as we care for folks - and that God would MULTIPLY our resources as we encounter need!
*Shuar Indians
- These are the lovely people we'll be working with in Ecuador! We'll come with our medicine, vitamins, etc. but there is only one thing that I have that will make them whole and give them life - and that's Jesus. Please pray for healing, salvation, and encouragement over the Shuar Indians. Pray that we would be humble and teachable - as God has much to teach us. Pray that lives would begin and that hearts would be made new as folks come to know Jesus as their Lord, Savior and Healer.
Above all - pray that God would be most glorified.
Here are a few pics as we get ready to leave:
I certainly won't go hungry in the airport - or lack medicine
This is Flat Stanley - Adrienne's 2nd grade cousin sent him to us to take to Ecuador. He's delivering toothbrushes that will go to the Shuar Indians.
Mom came to help me pack! I love her.
This is what I woke up to this morning - my lovely roommate made me breakfast to start spring break off on the right foot!
The pancake queen!
<3 a
Saturday, March 12, 2011
peace of Christ
Peace is some thing that I've never really understood or felt often in my life. Since I can remember, I have always been an anxious and fearful person. There is no rationale behind it, I'm just not naturally peaceful. I've been reading through John (one of my favorite books in Scripture) just to get to know Jesus better. Over the past few days, I've been reading about His peace (John 14-16 are the passages I've covered this week). How different His peace is - how He doesn't give His peace to us like the world gives peace. How He tells us all of what He talks about in these chapters so that we'll have peace. Our source of peace is in Him. How He tells us to take heart in the midst of the troubles in the world.
My freshman year of college I visited this church in downtown Clemson known as DCF (Downtown Community Fellowship). Coming from a Baptist background where everyone says "Hello" and shakes your hand during a greeting time, I was not prepared for the "Passing the Peace" at DCF. People began hugging me and saying things like, "Peace of Christ to you." I looked like a deer caught in headlights. That was my first experience at DCF but not my last. I grew to understand it, and it became less weird to me. This past Sunday, I visited DCF again with my roommate. As the service went on, it was like Jesus just began to talk to me about His peace - and what it means for me that He is my peace.
I realized that I am completely terrified to be alone for a period of time in the Lord's presence. It has so much to do with my view of God and how twisted it is. God is not angry with me or disappointed in me like I think that He is. He's not that way at all. As I began to just confess to the Lord why I was so afraid to be in His presence - to be so exposed before a Holy God - I began to realize what His peace means. Jesus is my peace - His blood covers me completely, and fully satisfies God's wrath over my sin. I am completely forgiven and God no longer holds my sin against me - though it happens so frequently - because Jesus paid for it in full (past, present, and future sin). When Jesus says that He's my peace - it means that I can now approach the throne of God confidently to find grace in my time of need without fear or shame, because God sees Christ over me. When Jesus says He gives His peace to us not as the world gives peace - it means that His peace is eternal and unchanging - it is not dependent upon my feelings towards it or the circumstances surrounding it.
Lately walking with the Lord has been a few baby steps forward and a giant leap backwards, as He continues to teach me and exercise my faith - working out all of my doubts and misconceptions. As I continue to struggle with hard questions and bring these doubts before the Lord, I'm beginning to see that hanging around for the answer doesn't have to be a fearful experience. That conviction and sanctification hurt, but they don't distance or separate me from the Lord - they bring me closer to Him. He has begun to break down walls in my heart brick by brick, with the first brick being a clarification of His peace and the implications of His peace in my life. In the midst of anxiety, fatigue, uncertainty and chaos I have an immovable Rock who is for me, not against me. That's comforting.
<3 a
My freshman year of college I visited this church in downtown Clemson known as DCF (Downtown Community Fellowship). Coming from a Baptist background where everyone says "Hello" and shakes your hand during a greeting time, I was not prepared for the "Passing the Peace" at DCF. People began hugging me and saying things like, "Peace of Christ to you." I looked like a deer caught in headlights. That was my first experience at DCF but not my last. I grew to understand it, and it became less weird to me. This past Sunday, I visited DCF again with my roommate. As the service went on, it was like Jesus just began to talk to me about His peace - and what it means for me that He is my peace.
I realized that I am completely terrified to be alone for a period of time in the Lord's presence. It has so much to do with my view of God and how twisted it is. God is not angry with me or disappointed in me like I think that He is. He's not that way at all. As I began to just confess to the Lord why I was so afraid to be in His presence - to be so exposed before a Holy God - I began to realize what His peace means. Jesus is my peace - His blood covers me completely, and fully satisfies God's wrath over my sin. I am completely forgiven and God no longer holds my sin against me - though it happens so frequently - because Jesus paid for it in full (past, present, and future sin). When Jesus says that He's my peace - it means that I can now approach the throne of God confidently to find grace in my time of need without fear or shame, because God sees Christ over me. When Jesus says He gives His peace to us not as the world gives peace - it means that His peace is eternal and unchanging - it is not dependent upon my feelings towards it or the circumstances surrounding it.
Lately walking with the Lord has been a few baby steps forward and a giant leap backwards, as He continues to teach me and exercise my faith - working out all of my doubts and misconceptions. As I continue to struggle with hard questions and bring these doubts before the Lord, I'm beginning to see that hanging around for the answer doesn't have to be a fearful experience. That conviction and sanctification hurt, but they don't distance or separate me from the Lord - they bring me closer to Him. He has begun to break down walls in my heart brick by brick, with the first brick being a clarification of His peace and the implications of His peace in my life. In the midst of anxiety, fatigue, uncertainty and chaos I have an immovable Rock who is for me, not against me. That's comforting.
<3 a
Friday, March 4, 2011
slow mornings
Over the last couple of weeks my sleep schedule has had a mind of its own. I'm usually up around three, six, and then very awake by seven am. I like not having to set an alarm on most days, especially on my days off. There's something so peaceful about waking up to the sound of rain, or birds (or both depending on the time) and being able to stay in bed for a bit. There's no rushing, no stress - just this quiet stillness that surrounds you as you're nestled in sheets. You just get to meet the day.
This is probably my favorite part of the day. It's not because I like being awake more than I like sleeping, but because I get to have a few minutes just to pray before I get up. Before the day gets too crazy, before I encounter trialing circumstances or surprise upsets, and before I hear any type of news, both good and bad, I have a minute to just talk to my Maker.
Most of the time He hears groaning - in fact, I didn't speak for the first 20 minutes of being awake in the morning during high school. Every "Good Morning!" was met with a "Ughrrah" and a yawn. Still, there's something quite honest about the time I spend half praying/half snoozing.
I've been thinking about my struggle with perfectionism lately. I'm exhausted from trying to compete, measure up, compare, etc. in every aspect of my life - there's so much judgment and criticism. It's a completely mental battle, and it's impossible to rest and find joy when you're believing lies rooted in appearance and performance. Like Solomon said - it's all vanity. I'm reminded that while man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart. I wonder what He sees when He looks at my heart. I wonder what it would be like to see like He sees - to have His vision - to see the hearts of others and how much He cherishes each one. I was reading in Proverbs 31 this morning, and as I read about this insanely awesome woman, I kept thinking "Oh, I need to be like that. Oh, I should do this. Oh, this looks like..." and then I realized how sneaky that works-based mentality is! It's so easy for me to go into that pattern of dysfunctional thinking! And then I got to the end of the chapter: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
There is this overwhelming invitation from Jesus Christ into grace and rest . Thank God! His burden is light (and free of vanity, striving, and insecurity).
This is probably my favorite part of the day. It's not because I like being awake more than I like sleeping, but because I get to have a few minutes just to pray before I get up. Before the day gets too crazy, before I encounter trialing circumstances or surprise upsets, and before I hear any type of news, both good and bad, I have a minute to just talk to my Maker.
Most of the time He hears groaning - in fact, I didn't speak for the first 20 minutes of being awake in the morning during high school. Every "Good Morning!" was met with a "Ughrrah" and a yawn. Still, there's something quite honest about the time I spend half praying/half snoozing.
I've been thinking about my struggle with perfectionism lately. I'm exhausted from trying to compete, measure up, compare, etc. in every aspect of my life - there's so much judgment and criticism. It's a completely mental battle, and it's impossible to rest and find joy when you're believing lies rooted in appearance and performance. Like Solomon said - it's all vanity. I'm reminded that while man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart. I wonder what He sees when He looks at my heart. I wonder what it would be like to see like He sees - to have His vision - to see the hearts of others and how much He cherishes each one. I was reading in Proverbs 31 this morning, and as I read about this insanely awesome woman, I kept thinking "Oh, I need to be like that. Oh, I should do this. Oh, this looks like..." and then I realized how sneaky that works-based mentality is! It's so easy for me to go into that pattern of dysfunctional thinking! And then I got to the end of the chapter: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
There is this overwhelming invitation from Jesus Christ into grace and rest . Thank God! His burden is light (and free of vanity, striving, and insecurity).
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