tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32286836171897413252024-03-19T07:47:40.382-04:00Hesedbeing zealously pursued by Holy GodCorleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.comBlogger220125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-50772988549263111712015-10-17T13:30:00.000-04:002015-10-17T13:50:15.130-04:00Letters to Little: Safe Friends <div class="MsoNormal">
My dearest Little – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are not so little anymore. I know that I keep saying that, but
it’s true. You are three months old, wearing 3-6 month clothes, and have the
greatest baby rolls. You love to laugh and smile, and you are trying so hard to
talk and roll over. You love school and are doing well , except for getting
cranky around noon each day. They tell me you are a really great baby and I
completely agree! Since you started school, you have been learning how to be
around other babies. You pick up on the emotional cues of others. When one of
your friends cries, so do you. When your Dad or I laugh, so do you. I love your
sensitive spirit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you get older, <b>I pray that you always engage in empathy rather
than sink in sympathy.</b> I have been thinking about your budding personality and
your future friendships. I pray that you grow up to be a safe friend and choose
to invest in safe friendships. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What does it mean to be a safe friend? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A safe friend is a friend that loves others well, treats them with
honesty and respect, speaks truth and life, and does not manipulate others to
get their own way. A safe friend chooses not to wound when they are wounded.
They strive to honestly communicate their needs, wants, hurts and thoughts in a
loving way. Equally, they are receptive when confronted and hold your heart in
high esteem. A safe friend invites you to freely be you in relationship. They
strive to honor you, rather than belittle you or put you down. A safe friend
desires your best and strives to encourage you towards your God-given
potential. <b>They will be the first to tell you that you did not hang the moon,
all the while pointing you to the God who did</b>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unsafe friends, however, are easier to come by and leave havoc in
their wake. These friends will not be safe with your heart. They may belittle
you, make fun of you, and communicate in various ways that you are not enough.
<b>They will discourage and distract you from the potential and purpose God has
placed inside of you. </b>They will encourage that which is of their own gain every
time. Sometimes these behaviors are obvious, like the stereotypical bully
stealing lunch money, or the kids throwing the insane parties that you will one
day see in the movies. They promise fun, excitement, and an adventurous life,
but deep down you will know that they are not life-giving. I pray that you always
choose that which brings genuine life and joy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not every unsafe friend behaves so obviously; some are much more
subtle. Manipulation, coercion, gossiping and lying can be more difficult to
see. These may look like friendships in which you have no voice, or no value to
your voice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example: Johnny is your friend. He always decides what you
guys play, and he always decides which toy you play with and which toy he plays
with. He loves playing with your favorite train car, and you are sweet enough
to share with him. However, one day you ask Johnny if you can play outside with
your new ball. Johnny says no and declares that you are going to play with the
trains. You pull out your favorite train car, but Johnny demands he play with
it or he will no longer be your friend. To avoid hurting Johnny’s feelings and
losing a friendship, you hand Johnny your favorite train car. He is magically
happy again but refuses to share with you as you both play. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did Johnny value you in this scenario? Did he care about
compromising with you so you could both enjoy playtime together? When you
kindly used your voice, did he honor you?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not only was Johnny unwilling to compromise, he manipulated you by
leveraging your relationship. Johnny played both the role of the victim and the
bully, all the while scapegoating his own selfishness onto you. I hope that you
never pull a Johnny.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unsafe friendships are, at best, 50/50. They are dangerous because
the individuals’ responses are conditioned upon one another. Did you live up to
your half? If not, they will not be required to live up to theirs. They will
justify their poor behaviors based on the other person’s mistakes, perpetuating
a cycle of disrespect, selfishness, and entitlement. Instead of outdoing one
another in giving honor, they strive to gain the most while expending the
least. Unsafe friends are leeches, and they will suck the life out of you every
time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Safe friendships, like your future marriage, will never be 50/50.
They will require both parties giving their best to love and honor the other, independent
of the other person’s action or inadequacies. Safe friends are like IV tubing;
a conduit by which God can pour life into you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is why the house of friendship that we talked about before is
so important. <b>Healthy boundaries are crucial in helping us to lovingly engage
with both unsafe and safe friends.</b> While you are called to love everyone, you
are not called to invite unsafe folks into intimate relationships that will
undermine your entire house. This is why it’s so important to engage in empathy
but guard against sinking in sympathy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Empathy is defined as the ability to put yourself in another
person’s place, understanding and feeling what they are experiencing <i>within their frame of reference</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sympathy goes beyond empathy and adopts those feelings and
misfortune as though they are your own. <b>Sympathy will make you sick</b> <b>by weighing
you down, stealing your joy and sapping the life from your bones. </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Empathy will empower you to walk in compassion towards others,</b>
without adopting their circumstances, attitudes, or emotions as your own.
Empathy enables you to love, serve and engage with unsafe friends without
sacrificing healthy boundaries that are necessary for the growth of both
parties. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>You will never be a perfect friend, nor have perfect friendships,
but you can always be a safe friend. </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My prayer for you is that your empathetic spirit continues to fuel
compassion and grace in your friendships, as you learn to invest wisely into
safe, healthy, Jesus-centered friendships. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love, <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mom <o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizxECBE6x6IYuLQs4gDidLd3_3g2STATB6U1QmlfzfyQn_xjnwgCOobq3AhYBiwrwd-TCcHbfhY9c0a9Akv3PyjDq_6nZEv8xLTTbEx3fXsRVs9XKvneL9JePzpu9VgAobzL0JCLLybUE/s1600/bear+hoodie.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizxECBE6x6IYuLQs4gDidLd3_3g2STATB6U1QmlfzfyQn_xjnwgCOobq3AhYBiwrwd-TCcHbfhY9c0a9Akv3PyjDq_6nZEv8xLTTbEx3fXsRVs9XKvneL9JePzpu9VgAobzL0JCLLybUE/s320/bear+hoodie.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIIeS5SXDIzpVHfaj_Szn0uBejm0ff4HWe395boQL03G0nBIE0sSeb_iDmBz-B5Zh-ucD5TE4g0vawDvvfOLOWgTJAc4F9iMtos6B4NRcSm2jiSIDck1GHTcOrgj1B8VnqEBmFEdxHAeE/s1600/snuggles+with+daddy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIIeS5SXDIzpVHfaj_Szn0uBejm0ff4HWe395boQL03G0nBIE0sSeb_iDmBz-B5Zh-ucD5TE4g0vawDvvfOLOWgTJAc4F9iMtos6B4NRcSm2jiSIDck1GHTcOrgj1B8VnqEBmFEdxHAeE/s1600/snuggles+with+daddy.png" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLkVsr3WRZ8h64LxrLKZ0rLO4xY1qrWDrBmZVBgiWCCtE8d-poTn_3IXmkPG5pgnigMwLUM0JHUQXjKSxhFjJUWOxCISmTyhMvkGBTkzmbbeM_bd6hfZNQkIMEtg3QxYJJBd1-sTXKu_Y/s1600/tiger+cub.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLkVsr3WRZ8h64LxrLKZ0rLO4xY1qrWDrBmZVBgiWCCtE8d-poTn_3IXmkPG5pgnigMwLUM0JHUQXjKSxhFjJUWOxCISmTyhMvkGBTkzmbbeM_bd6hfZNQkIMEtg3QxYJJBd1-sTXKu_Y/s320/tiger+cub.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-2254566608388908092015-09-22T13:03:00.003-04:002015-09-22T13:14:56.235-04:00Letters to Little: Two Enemies of Friendship <div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
My sweet Sammy – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dropped you off at “school” today for the second morning
in a row. This morning we were on time! Yesterday the church receptionist may
have scolded us for being late and I may have unknowingly picked you up during
nap time, earning us another scolding look. The good news is that you’re so
cute no one holds your crazy mama against you <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
Your teacher put you on a play mat while I signed you in and you immediately
started babbling to all the toys – I’m so glad that you are liking school. It
makes it so much easier for me to drop you off. I hope you know that I miss you
and I’m so happy to see your smiley little snuggly self when I pick you up!
I am excited for the day when I pick you up and you tell me about the friends
that you made. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Friendships may be
one of the most rewarding things in your life – as CS Lewis (a very brilliant
man) wrote in one of his books:</span> <o:p></o:p></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">“I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no
man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity.
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself
(for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of
those things which give value to survival.”</span></i><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> – <i>The Four Loves</i>
<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">There are many bible verses about friendship
as well – while a good many of them are found in Proverbs (an Old Testament
book written by very wise men), Jesus talks about friendship in the Gospels and
his disciples and followers talk about friendship in the New Testament as well.
They teach us about the benefits of friendship, they warn us to steer clear
from investing in certain types of friends, and they instruct us on how to be
good, safe friends to others. Some of the most beautiful verses on friendship
are actually statements made by Jesus that tell us about our identity in Him.
He doesn’t call us slave, or servant, but friends. He invites us into
relationship with Him and His Father; into relationship with the Trinity. It’s
a friendship in which we can have complete unity with the Trinity; where we can
be fully known and know God Himself as Jesus does. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">There are a few things I hope you
learn early on in your life. I hope you
learn them much more quickly than I have in mine, but I also hope that you are
a continual learner and a humble teacher to others. One of the things I hope you
learn early is that friendship is a gift and a blessing. It is not a duty that you feel forced into,
it is something that you choose to participate in. I say this because there are
two great enemies of healthy friendships – there are more, but I think these
two are pretty foundational to all the other problems we experience in
relationships. If we are going to experience healthy friendships that are life
giving, then we must guard against these two enemies that can both prevent us
from being a good friend and hinder our friendships from healthy, life-giving
growth. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">At the core of all of our sins or
shortcomings is pride. It’s that ugly thing that rears its head and says that
we are better, stronger, wiser, more capable than God. Pride says, “I am going
to do things this way, because I think it’s better than doing what God has told
me to do.” Or “I am going to live this way, because I don’t think that God
really knows what He’s talking about in this situation.” Etc. Pride often looks like us taking our own lives
under control, believing that we can do a better job at being god than God
Himself. This trickles down into fueling selfishness, greed, and a myriad of
other struggles that hinder us from being the friends that Jesus has called us
to be. It trickles down into two specific enemies that will sabotage healthy
relationships in our lives if we are not careful to guard against them: Insecurity
and Victim Mentality. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Insecurity is something that
everyone struggles with on some level. It’s that feeling of being slightly
uncomfortable in your own skin, of questioning yourself and wondering if you’ve
got what it takes, if you’re enough, etc. Insecurity often looks at the world
around you and goes – “Man, they seem to have it all together and I don’t – not
even close! I’m not as ______ as they are. I’m not enough as I am to be
_________.” Insecurity leaves you
looking to others for your identity and constantly adapting who you are, what
you are interested in, and how you act in relationships just to be accepted.
Insecurity enslaves you into this trap of perfectionism, fueling this false
belief that if you can just be better, funnier, smarter, or _______ than you’ll
finally be worthy of acceptance, love, and secure friendships. What insecurity
does not tell you is that it’s like the wheel in a hamster’s cage. Hamster’s
love jumping on the wheel and running for exercise, but they never go anywhere
and they can’t easily stop once they start running without getting tripped up.
When we allow the lies that insecurity whispers in our ears to take root in our
heart and drive our actions and beliefs, we will constantly be striving to
reach a destination which the wheel will not take us. It is a vicious,
never-ending, energy-expending pursuit to find security because it is based on
the whims of fickle humans. </span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The truth is, secure friendships are never built on the foundation of
insecurity. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The other enemy is a victim
mentality. It often stems from debilitating insecurity, but it is most
definitely rooted in pride. Victim mentality is an insidious belief that you
are the product, the victim, of your circumstances and that you don’t hold any
personal responsibility for your actions or beliefs. </span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It closes the door to any chance of
constructive criticism and any hope of genuine restoration in your
relationships because everything is always the other person’s fault.</span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> When you are a constant victim, no one can
win with you unless they are telling you everything you want to hear, doing
everything they want to do, and often it is still not enough for you to be
pleased with your friends. When you are friends with a constant victim, your
feelings are never valued or validated, you cannot be honest without dramatic
conflict, and you will never win or please them. A victim mentality enslaves
you in the loneliest of prisons, leaving you by yourself with festering wounds of
bitterness and unforgiveness. Where insecurity leaves you striving and changing
to earn acceptance, a victim mentality will leave you hardened and unyielding
to change. Rather, it will demand that the world around you change, cater to
your every sensitivity and proclivity, and practically demonize it when it doesn’t
meet your expectations. It whispers lies such as, “They just don’t understand
me. They don’t love me. If I can just find someone who understands me…” that
take root in our hearts that will eventually burden and suffocate every
friendship, further fueling the identity of “victim.” </span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The truth is, understanding and
healthy friendships can never be present where victim mentality is allowed to
exist.</span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Insecurity and victim-mentality
fuel self-absorption and distrust. You become so focused on yourself – whether or
not you are accepted, how you need to adapt, or your own need to be understood
and remain unhurt that you have no room to focus on others. It creates this
self-fulfilling prophecy in which your fear of rejection or of hurt actually comes
to pass because you never allow yourself to be your true self or open to
personal growth. Often we mask who we
are for fear of rejection, but that only means that the friendships we do have
are ones rooted in rejection – the worst kind of rejection – the kind in which
you reject yourself. Not only does it fuel self-absorption, but it also fuels
distrust. You’ll never fully trust that you are accepted, you’ll never fully
trust that the other party is safe with your heart, you’ll never fully trust
that you loved as you are. When we don’t trust, we close ourselves off as a
form of protection. This creates a wall that will inevitably create distance in
the relationship, and distance that continues to grow will eventually be the
death of a healthy friendship which will feel like rejection. </span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So the very thing we feared – rejection – will be the very thing we
experience when we allow insecurity and a victim mentality to take root in our
friendships and relationships. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">At some point in your life you
will struggle with both of these issues. It won’t always look the same, but in
some form or fashion we will all struggle with insecurity and a victim
mentality for the course of our lives. Why? Because we were wired for
relationship and community, but in our sinfulness we’ve skewed that design. We
look to each other for our identity rather than our Creator, and it’s easier to
scapegoat our shortcomings than stare at our broken mess of humanity and own
it, admitting that we aren’t perfect and that we are in need. We dislike being
in positions of being in need, because it forces dependence on and surrender to
something or someone greater than us – and that feels like slavery. The reality
is that we are all slaves to something or someone – we will be for our entire
lives. Want to know who has mastery over you? It is whatever or whomever you
give authority. When we choose “independence” – we’re really choosing to be
enslaved to our broken attempts to control our lives, and that is ultimately
choosing to be enslaved to others because they decide if we’re ________ enough.
When we choose to surrender and depend on Jesus, we’re really choosing the
opportunity to walk in freedom. </span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It’s an incredibly freeing thing to own our mess, leave it at the
cross, and walk in the truth of who we are in Christ. Choosing anything else
will leave us running from or wallowing in our brokenness – and that will
prevent the growth of anything whole and life-giving in our lives.</span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You will never be able to rescue
someone from insecurity or a victim-mentality; that will always come from them
allowing God to work on their hearts. However, you can guard against insecurity
and a victim-mentality in your own heart. </span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">If you want to have safe and healthy friendships it will require you to
not only confront your own brokenness, but also lovingly confront the brokenness
of others.</span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> It will require that you daily,
sometimes moment by moment, take your insecurities and your hurts before God’s
throne, own them, and then surrender them and allow His truth to reign over you
and your relationships. It will require that you walk in humility, remain open
to the constructive and loving criticisms of others, listen and take what they
have to say before God’s throne, hold it up in the light of His Word, and walk
in obedience to Him. It will require that you walk in courage, love another
more than yourself, walk in integrity, and sometimes that you know when to
lovingly walk away from an unhealthy friend for a season. It will require that
you walk in Divine wisdom, leaning heavily on the Spirit to guide you and work
in you and through you, so that you know how to build and invest in these
friendships in such a way that reveal the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth…</span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">because the world needs to see the
beauty and the hope of the Gospel in our friendships and relationships.</span><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">My prayer for you is that you
would see your Dad and I model friendship well, not perfectly, for you as you
grow up, and that you would experience relationship with the greatest Friend,
Jesus. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">All of my love, <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<br />
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Mom <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6qmMblEdRmVtyA1yG_OF6wNcFVrLyinwRy_cSFJYrZo5yM0TV9aXr0NeTcCUA44PdxgzP4udd9pHySf7Nfe2XG55rFWa2rJjrlIxMvurPTxtGLwruMH6pxz2TD6AD24NcMeocCmIbRI/s1600/IMG_2794.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6qmMblEdRmVtyA1yG_OF6wNcFVrLyinwRy_cSFJYrZo5yM0TV9aXr0NeTcCUA44PdxgzP4udd9pHySf7Nfe2XG55rFWa2rJjrlIxMvurPTxtGLwruMH6pxz2TD6AD24NcMeocCmIbRI/s320/IMG_2794.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Giving Aunt Kaelin a sympathetic face when she had to go to the doctor (I think you were remembering your 2 month shots!). </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCIxiM6C4wxqnj6EMpQBoevfp85AUGbOMvSN9sEwIG-Be25mJkcrsX_w0JjLDgq0NqUUyZHjgQ6nH_Gc0zqGDGWt5QkB6xmvhfCehHG1NKmBy7cTLSbGPLHeNR26q6HB3cz5-iz3dFsDQ/s1600/IMG_2809.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCIxiM6C4wxqnj6EMpQBoevfp85AUGbOMvSN9sEwIG-Be25mJkcrsX_w0JjLDgq0NqUUyZHjgQ6nH_Gc0zqGDGWt5QkB6xmvhfCehHG1NKmBy7cTLSbGPLHeNR26q6HB3cz5-iz3dFsDQ/s320/IMG_2809.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Insisting that you sit up "on your own" while watching football with Daddy and I. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilDhM8uLFTELqahxrH1x4JNA180U3DweRsWBZ2c1BTOSAck9DpX_zllV0hwfVaMBv7ru48HLXE0DI0gOBc3NME_h2MP_k8yR1j3m3O8H7VWtLm3cPFakTsUsdgTwzOu66YevZsWHYg1ak/s1600/IMG_2817+%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilDhM8uLFTELqahxrH1x4JNA180U3DweRsWBZ2c1BTOSAck9DpX_zllV0hwfVaMBv7ru48HLXE0DI0gOBc3NME_h2MP_k8yR1j3m3O8H7VWtLm3cPFakTsUsdgTwzOu66YevZsWHYg1ak/s320/IMG_2817+%25281%2529.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bright eyed and wide awake at bedtime - too bad you do not look this alert in the mornings :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
</div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-22187870092243673262015-09-17T17:11:00.000-04:002015-09-17T17:13:06.607-04:00Letters to Little: the House of Friendship<div class="MsoNormal">
My sweet Samuel, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are racked out (finally) for your afternoon nap at the
moment. You must be dreaming about something lovely as you smile in your sleep –
could you be any cuter? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of my hopes for you is that you have some pretty epic
friends throughout the course of your life. While I’m sure that friends will
come in and out of your life as seasons change, some will remain fast and
steady presences in your life. I pray these lifelong buddies love Jesus, speak
life to you and over you, and are a safe place in which you can be yourself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not every friend you make will be one of these close
buddies, and that’s okay! Your heart is precious and it should be guarded
wisely – which means, that not everyone will honor your heart and cherish it.
It’s never healthy to be completely closed off to relationships, nor is it
healthy to swing wide the doors of your heart’s most vulnerable places to
everyone. There has to be a balance, and I’m confident that you will find that
balance and walk well in it with divine wisdom – this is my prayer for
you. As you grow, remember that your
relationships are like inviting someone into your life, much like you would
invite someone into your house. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We spend a lot of time on our front porch – you LOVE the
porch swing your Daddy made for me and you LOVE being outside – it’s the only
place that calms you when you become inconsolable. Neighbors will drive by and
wave, occasionally some will be walking and stop by to say hello. They’ll chat
for a while with us, ask how old you are, and say hello to Moe puppy (whether
they wanted to or not, she’s still learning personal space), but they never
come inside. We know very little about
the depth of their personal lives, but we look out for one another. These are “front
porch” people – and you will have a lot of “front porch” people in your life.
Neighbors, acquaintances, mutual friends, coworkers, or folks you just met will
generally be “front porch” people – nearly everyone starts out as a “front
porch” friend before they move into the living room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Living room” friends have been invited into your “home” so
to speak, but not too far into it. They’re often “front porch” people that you have
a bit more in common with. Friends on your soccer team or in your class at
school – they’ll know you a bit more but not super close. You may have a lot of
“living room” friends, especially if you play sports or participate in
extracurricular activities. These are great friends to have, too! You may not
know them super well, but there’s a lot of encouragement to be found in these
friendships. There’s also a lot of heartache that can be experienced in these
friendships. These are often your peers – you care more about their acceptance
of you than the “front porch” friends. You spend more time with them, they’ve
seen a bit more of who you are, and when they hurt you it stings a bit more.
When a “front porch” person hurts you, it’s generally unintentional because they
don’t know you well enough to offend you intentionally. When a “living room”
friend says something hurtful, it is still likely unintentional, but it can
also be more specifically tailored to something you value or are insecure
about. You’ll learn how to navigate conflict and build deeper friendships from
these “living room” friends – they’ll go from “porch friend” status to
sitting back in the deep couch and playing video games and taking their shoes
off OR they’ll never get comfortable enough and stay more in the front porch
zone…which is okay. “Living room” friends who do get comfortable enough to take
off their shoes, sit back and relax will sometimes stay there, but some will
move into the kitchen. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Kitchen friends” are fewer in number and closer to you than
your “living room” friends. They’re the friends who you’ll invite over to play,
eat dinner, or spend the night. They’ll be the friends in your class or on your
soccer team or in your small group (when you’re older) that you’ve bonded with
more closely. You’ll learn quickly that we spend a lot of time in our kitchen
(which is also extended into our den). It’s much more of a mess than the front living
room and it’s the room in our house in which we frequently connect with one
another as we cook dinner, greet your dad when he comes home from work, and
catch up with good friends over a glass of coffee or wine (or boobie milk for
you). In our kitchen is our back door –
and it is used frequently by our close friends, like Aunt Lizan and Andrea.
These friends rarely knock (unless the door is locked), but they’re welcome
anytime. These friends know us well –
they’ve seen both our dirty dishes and laundry piled up on the couch. They’ve
seen us burn dinner and argue with one another. They recognize when we’re
having a hard day and are quick to offer to pray for us. They have sent us
encouraging texts, brought us dinner on hard days, and love babysitting you! These
friends are generally your community – not only do you continue to learn how to
resolve conflict, but you also learn how to better communicate that much
more. None of us are perfect, and in
every relationship or friendship we will have disagreements, hurts, and
wounds. These friendships will be worth
fighting for, they’ll challenge you to grow and become the man God has called
you to be. These friendships will offer perspective, challenge your thoughts
and opinions, and help you learn how to identify and utilize your strengths and
gifts within your community. Most of your “kitchen” friends will remain around
the table (or on the couch in our current layout), but some will make
themselves at home further by entering into the pantry. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Pantry” friends are friends that absolutely make themselves
at home – these will be your closest and most likely lifelong friends.
You may only have 1-2 of these friends. These are friends that open up the
cabinets in your home and help themselves to snacks – or in your mother’s case,
they know where my stash of chocolate is hidden and how to locate the ice
cream. These friends don’t just know that you’re having a rough time, they know
the specifics of why and what you’re struggling with. They know how
disorganized your cabinets are, and that you keep junk food in those cabinets
that are tucked away on the top row even though you keep all the healthy food
in the front of the fridge. They hold you accountable, they cry with you (you
can still be a manly man and shed some tears), they get angry with you, they
love you. These are friends that know you so well they’re practically family.
They’re the ones you want to take on vacation with you, the ones who know all
of your embarrassing moments and have no problem laughing about them. These are
the people who laugh WITH you, but not AT you in a denigrating way. These are
the people who can call you out on your BS but do so in such a way where you know,
even when it stings, that they love you tremendously. These are the friends
that you are vulnerable with – they know the real Sam and they love you all the
same. These are not perfect friends, but they are pretty epic. You’ll learn
tremendous grace in these friendships – when you have absolutely blown it,
because you will at some point, these friends won’t abandon you. You’ll learn
all about sanctification in these friendships as you learn to both speak and
receive the truth in love. You’ll learn that confrontation doesn’t always have
to lead to conflict in these friendships, and that there is tremendous freedom
when you can be accepted for who you are and not what you bring to the table. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One friend will go beyond a “pantry” friend one day and see
the most intimate parts of who you are when they move into your bedroom as your
wife. I know, cue the “ewww gross Mom!” I’m
praying for all of your friendships, but I’m really praying for this one. Your
friendship with your wife will be the most important friendship you ever invest
in. You will continue to have to invest in this friendship if you want to have
a healthy marriage. She will know you more than anyone else, and I hope above
all else that she is safe with your heart. You will know her more than anyone
else, and you’ll learn more about the Gospel and God’s love for you in this
friendship and in your friendship with Jesus than in any other friend group. More
than anyone else, she will push you closer to Jesus and into a deeper
dependence upon Him as you learn how to lead, love, and serve her as Jesus
leads, loves and serves the Church. You
will both know each other so well, that when you fight you’ll be tempted to hit
below the belt sometimes – you’ll know how to deliver a swift punch to the gut,
one that will deliver the most damage with the least amount of effort – but my
prayer for you both is that you never take that shot. Rather, you guard one
another, inspire growth in one another, and always keep the only perfect Friend
(Jesus) in the center of your marriage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally, the greatest friend you will ever have – and the
only perfect friendship – is the friendship you’ll have with Jesus. Jesus built
your house – He knows you better than you know you – so there is no point in
hiding your dirty laundry or junk food, or pretending you don’t have cobwebs or
skeletons in your closet. He knows you fully and loves you unconditionally.
When you feel like you have no one else, when no one understands, Jesus stands
with you – always present with you, regardless of your feelings, and He is able
to sympathize with your every weakness because He too has been tempted, rejected,
hurt, disappointed, excited, angry, loved, sad – you name it, He has
experienced it without sinning (Hebrews 4:15). So when your friends hurt you,
or when you feel alone, I hope you find in Jesus a steadfast friend. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope you never buy into the lie that you are not enough,
or that your worth is dependent upon the opinions or acceptance of others. I
hope you never bend to peer pressure and feel the need to compromise your
convictions in order to gain “friends” – who will not be true friends at all.
I hope that you are a good friend – from the people you see in passing, to your
spouse, to everyone in between – I pray that you are a man who stands firm in
his convictions and yet remains a warm and safe place for people in which they
can find rest, grace, and love. In a world that preaches tolerance, I hope that
you never “tolerate” others but love them as Christ has called us to love one
another. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also hope that you keep your Dad and I in at least kitchen
friend status throughout your life – don’t kick us to the curb as a teenager
ok? We’re for you, even when you think we’re old and out of touch <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All my love, <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mom <o:p></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-175372013446220622015-09-13T11:52:00.001-04:002015-09-13T12:00:46.820-04:00Letters to Little: A Series on Friendship<div class="MsoNormal">
My Saturday mornings – truthfully all of my mornings – look much
differently now that I’m a mom. Gone are the days where sleeping in was an
option, going for a run in the stillness of the morning was possible, or
sitting at our farmhouse table with my Bible and journal for an unlimited
amount of time. Sleeping in is now
making it to 6 or 7am. Going for a run now involves breastfeeding a baby, getting
a stroller, dog, baby and myself out the door before it gets unbearably hot,
and “running” quickly turns into walking because I inevitably wet my pants when
I try to run. **Do your Kegels ladies, do your kegels!** I still get the gift
of sitting down to write over coffee every now and then, like this morning. It
isn’t as quiet, but it is just as beautiful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This morning Sammy is playing on his mat. He’s starting to
learn that his hand is connected to his body – and that he can hit things with
it. He is no longer punching himself in the face and looking surprised. He
still looks surprised when he connects his fist to the toys hanging over him,
but he loves the sounds they make and keeps swinging. Mittens cover his little
hands (because he keeps scratching his face) making him look like a little
boxer. He’s worn himself out and is fighting falling asleep, which is adorable
until he starts to cry. He’s rocking a new onesie from his Aunt Kaelin. On the
front in bold font reads “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.” <i>Yes you are. </i>I think to myself as I pick him up, settle him down
into his sleeper and rock him with my foot as I sit back down to my computer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think about his sweet self and how he’s becoming more
expressive of his personality. I am so excited to learn who he is and how he
processes and connects with the world around him. I pray about the kind of man
he will one day be, and I hope that he will make choices in divine wisdom and
not out of his own logic all the days of his life. In my heart of hearts, I
want him to keep the innocence and faith of a child for as long as possible – I
want him to look at the world much like he does now, with a sense of wonder and
curiosity. I don’t want him to remain in a place of immaturity – I want him to
grow – but in a world where so many kids have to become adults much sooner than
they ever should, I want so badly for my son to have a joyful childhood. A deep part of my mother’s heart wants for him
to have ridiculously awesome, Christ-centered, honest and loving friendships in
which he can be himself without fear. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This week has reminded me of how important friendship is –
how much we value friendship and meaningful connection as human beings. It isn’t
vital to survival, but I do believe that we were wired for relationship. While
there is a void in the core of who we are that can only be completely satisfied
by God Himself, I think there’s a deep longing in the human soul to be seen, genuinely
seen, and to be loved in that exposure by others. How we interact within
friendship reveals so much about who we are, what we fear, and where our hope
lies. How we handle hurts and conflict within those friendships says that much
more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think about a dear friend of mine who had a challenging
week in the world of friendship. She is one of the most passionate, warm,
loving, and animated women I know, and yet this week she believed the lie that
there was something wrong with the friendship she had to offer others. I
witnessed a woman who has so much to offer believe that she had nothing
valuable to give – and while I wanted to be quick to encourage her with truth,
I had to check in with myself for a moment. I, too, have felt and believed the
exact same lies. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think about the wedding shower that is being hosted at my
house this afternoon – how I have a thousand things left to do before guests
begin to arrive – and how I had to remind my very stressed out self this
morning that this shower is about a dear friend and her upcoming marriage. It’s
not about how clean my house is, how cute the decorations are, how tasty the
food is or how Pinteresty it looks. It’s not about keeping Moe’s hair off the
newly cleaned furniture, or if the nursery looks pristine, or even if my
cluttered desk in the kitchen is organized…it’s not about what my friends think
of me when they are guests in my home. It’s about celebrating an upcoming
marriage – the picture God gives the world to say, “This is what the Gospel is like…This
is what My love for you is like..” I know that. I’ve known it all along, and
yet this fear of man creeps in so very slyly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This belief that I have to live up to a certain set of
expectations in order to be of any value, in order to be worth the pursuit or
maintenance of a friendship, is one of the most detrimental weapons against a
healthy relationship. When it is self-imposed, like mine has been this weekend,
then it is a lie that must be quickly thwarted before the gracious throne of
the Father in truth. It’s a heart issue, something that must be uprooted while
truth is replanted in the soil of our souls – it cannot come from another’s
constant validation but from believing God’s Word concerning our identity.
However, when this mindset is imposed upon you by another – when who you are is
never good enough – it’s another beast entirely.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It has taken me a very long time to begin to learn what
really matters in a friendship – those things that separate a genuine friend
from an unsafe one. I will forever be learning how to be humble and teachable
within the context of friendships –how to handle conflict Biblically, how to
fight courageously for unity and reconciliation, for peace and a safe place in
which vulnerability can exist. I will forever be learning to let some
friendships go as well – to step back, to grieve, and to choose healthy
boundaries. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may constantly battle the lies that come with the struggle
of perfectionism and anxiety, especially in the context of friendship. However,
I am so thankful for the core women God has placed in my life as intimate friends
– those women that can call me out gently and call me up candidly. I’m thankful
for the new friendships we are making as a family in this season of parenthood –
for the mothers and older women whose wisdom has brought a sense of normalcy,
hope and humor in these sleep-deprived, sometimes discouraging days. Most of
all, I’m thankful for the friendship of Jesus – for the constant, open
invitation to come before him with all that I’m carrying and take a break at
His feet. Of all the friends that Samuel makes in his life, I hope he cherishes
that perfect Friend above all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve never done a “series” of posts on a topic before, but I’ve
been enjoying writing “Letters to Little” in my personal life and sharing a few
here on the blog. The next few posts will be “letters” centered around
friendship, so I hope you enjoy them! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
all the love and crisp fall air from music city, <o:p></o:p></div>
a<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5eZ5eE-tEESJ639JIq_sgc3KACAZOak6YYaevdb5BhDRnnQGZGPNJ5bm5HwQvELvozMgswi-vwt0eKQlJRtYowIvrQBaoHRCDjEiFyoGoInvjbGMmPacXtZhRHwFw96FJ1bgazdqcres/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5eZ5eE-tEESJ639JIq_sgc3KACAZOak6YYaevdb5BhDRnnQGZGPNJ5bm5HwQvELvozMgswi-vwt0eKQlJRtYowIvrQBaoHRCDjEiFyoGoInvjbGMmPacXtZhRHwFw96FJ1bgazdqcres/s320/photo+1.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sammy loves his friend Fox </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxDI4DFjkfR0yqTh5wEEaSuwu7JSyRXNd-ZsIFB3TPmovtT3ib8u61H4DbuIclBus8c68z7MD0ievpRNtn9KRuIwM5PgxGgHu-3uxVjVMz4qFzoFXhs374m6YQiLtVuQV7OZTqU4RiffU/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxDI4DFjkfR0yqTh5wEEaSuwu7JSyRXNd-ZsIFB3TPmovtT3ib8u61H4DbuIclBus8c68z7MD0ievpRNtn9KRuIwM5PgxGgHu-3uxVjVMz4qFzoFXhs374m6YQiLtVuQV7OZTqU4RiffU/s320/photo+2.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Game Day with his Aunt Lauren </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-84394337816738972172015-08-25T12:10:00.003-04:002015-08-25T12:22:53.948-04:00Samuel's Birth Story <div class="MsoNormal">
It’s taken me nearly six weeks to sit down and write
Samuel’s birth story, but I figured I would try to carve out a few precious
moments this morning to remember his entrance into the world over a cup of much
needed coffee. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samuel was due on July 13<sup>th</sup> – key word “was.” I
had been having very irregular, sporadic contractions and Braxton Hicks
throughout the last few weeks of my pregnancy, but to my chagrin nothing was
happening on July 13<sup>th</sup>. I went to work like normal, waddling around
as I tried to get everything ready for my pending maternity leave. I went to my
prenatal appointment, hoping it would be my last one and I could sweet talk the
midwife into stripping my membranes (a method that can induce labor by
separating the bag of amniotic fluid from the cervix…about as comfortable as it
sounds). Linda, my midwife for the appointment, agreed to check me and strip my
membranes if I was dilated enough. I was expecting to be completely closed and
nowhere close to going into labor, so I had been hesitant to get checked, but
with the chance of inducing labor ahead of me, I agreed. Surprisingly, I was
already 3cm, 70% effaced and baby was at a -3 station (low). In one of the most awkward and hilarious
moments of my life, Linda stripped my membranes and told me we would know
within 24 hours if it worked. I went back to work, praying to go into labor,
and started contracting. I contracted for about 20 hours and called my mom
Tuesday morning after my contractions had remained about 7 minutes apart for a
few hours. Unsure of whether they should make the drive or not, I didn’t want
my parents to miss his birth, so they hopped in the car and headed to
Nashville. I called my supervisor at
work and started my maternity leave in case I was in genuine labor. Two hours later,
my contractions stopped completely. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you kidding? I wanted to cry. I think I did cry a few
times. My parents were on their way, I
was off of work and all for a false alarm?! It could be another week – a week
of maternity leave that I didn’t get to spend with him as an infant. To say I
was discouraged would be a massive understatement. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mom and Dad arrived and Mom declared we were going to “walk
that baby out.” I laughed, but was happy to have someone join me on my morning
walks. Wednesday morning she nearly killed me as she sprinted and I waddled 2
miles – okay, maybe she was walking, but gosh it felt like a sprint! I had a
few contractions but nothing promising, and again was feeling so discouraged
that my parents had wasted a trip even though they didn’t care, they were happy
to be in Nashville with Ray and I. We then got into the car and decided to go
walk the mall and run a few errands. Dad decided to join us, and the three of
us made a few laps around the Cool Springs mall. At some point in the mall, my
contractions became strong and more frequent. As I was driving out of the
parking lot, Mom made me pull over and monitor contractions from the passenger
seat. We headed to Whole Foods and stocked up on some yummy snacks, and my
contractions became more frequent and just as strong. I spent the evening
bouncing on my birth ball and twisting into whatever position took pressure off
of my back. My sweet husband applied counter pressure periodically, Mom made
dinner and I put on what Dad would inevitably call an “inappropriate” sitcom to
help distract me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Around 7pm we called the midwife when my contractions were
strong and 5-7 minutes apart, she said we could labor at home and call back
when they were about 4 minutes apart. I took a warm shower and headed to bed to
try to sleep – keyword “try.” Around 1am my contractions had spaced out a bit
and I was hungry, so I decided to eat a snack – which I would regret in a few
hours. By 2am, my contractions were strong and waking me up uttering curse words.
By 3am, Ray was also up with me as I tried to get into whatever position
alleviated my back labor. We (really Ray making me) decided to walk – so we
paced in the driveway, stopping often for me to lean on him and sway. What was
more bizarre than us walking in our driveway at 3:30am, was a random guy
walking down the street talking on the phone at 3:30 am – I’m sure he thought
we were crazy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My contractions went from 6 minutes apart to 3 minutes or
less – so much for 4 minutes! We called the midwife and headed to the hospital
– my sweet husband driving as “gently” as possible and me yelling at him to
screw being gentle and get me to the hospital! We pulled up to the ER entrance
to see one valet working his butt off, while his coworker sat in the office bobbing
his head to whatever was playing through his head phones. We got his attention
and Ray rolled me into the ER, where this poor male nurse had to ask a very
cranky, very pregnant me a bunch of questions like “What are the last 4 numbers
of your social?” (which by the way, is incredibly hard to remember when your
uterus is evicting a child). We were admitted around 4am and only 5cm dilated.
Though baby had dropped a good amount since my appointment on Monday, I
remember thinking “I’m only halfway?!” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our sweet doula Lindsey arrived around 5am, right after my
parents got to the hospital as well. We sent poor Dad to wait in the hallway
and got into the labor tub. Surrounded with Ray, my mom, Lindsey and a sweet
midwife student named Brittany, I labored in the tub for a good while until the
heat of the water caused me to feel dizzy. After laboring in the tub, I was 8
cm and entering transition – the part of labor that scared me the most. I had
made a joke about an epidural in the tub, but that epidural started to sound
really, really good hitting transition. “This is the shortest part though,” I
told myself, “only 30 minutes to 2 hours of this.” I then apologized to everyone in the room
preemptively – “I’m sorry if I lose my shit.” They laughed at me, but I was
serious. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>2 hours my butt</i> I
thought about 3 hours later. I had stalled with a small “lip” of my cervix
between me being complete and ready to push. All I wanted to do was lay down
and nap – someone asked me what I wanted and I said, “An epidural and a nap!”
They laughed saying, “At least she has her sense of humor still.” I was kind of
serious though. Lying down was so uncomfortable, but moving seemed impossible.
We tried everything though – it was like a circus in that room. They had me
pulling on labor bars, but I was too short. They had me sitting on a birth
stool, which was the most ungodly, uncomfortable, torturous thing ever invented
for back labor. They had me standing over the bed, hugging my birth ball, while
Brittany tried to spread my legs apart more. I wanted to kick her, but my leg
muscles started cramping so badly. I crawled back into bed and inhaled my
nitrous like there was no tomorrow. The nitrous made my reflux ten times worse
(if that was possible – remember that 1am snack I mentioned regretting? It
threatened to come back up the entire labor), along with making me very
nauseated and dizzy, so I couldn’t use it with every contraction. Looking back,
I think the nitrous gave me something to focus on – it was a distraction, but
it didn’t help much with the pain. I kept asking “How much longer?!” even
though I knew the answer was going to be, “Let’s just focus on one contraction
at a time.” I later told my midwife
Bethany that answer ticked me off but it was the answer I would’ve given my patients
if they were in labor. I remember
hearing whispers and I knew that I had stalled. My water had yet to break, but
Samuel had a few variable decelerations in labor and I knew breaking my water
wasn’t ideal – he was so low and depending on the position of his umbilical
cord, removing that cushion of water could stress him further. I remember the
midwife giving me an hour to see if I would progress before breaking my water.
I remember opening my eyes to Lindsey sweetly suggesting trying to get out of bed
– she phrased it in a way that sounded as though I had a choice, but her look
of concern told me to get the hell out of bed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of all places, they put me on the toilet with my feet on a
stool. After a few contractions I was completely dilated and starting to push
involuntarily. They helped me back to
bed and we pushed for about an hour I think, that’s what they told me at least.
My elbows rested on the head of the bed as I sat on my knees – each contraction
sending me into a deeper squat with a loud moan. I could’ve sworn everyone on
L&D could hear me groaning like a cow – I thought I was scaring every woman
in labor with my noise but I couldn’t help it – it felt natural and helped me
breathe. Ray stayed by my head, swapping out ice cold rags to put on my neck,
puke bag in hand in case I needed it, and fingernails embedded in his hands.
When my breathing would start to get out of control with the pain, he would
breathe with me and I could match his tone. I remember looking over at my nurse
asking, “Susan, why did I not get the epidural?!” Again, there was more
laughter but I was kind of serious! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you take a birth class, they’ll most likely talk to you
about the “ring of fire.” It’s in reference to the incredible burning sensation
you get when baby starts to crown…it’s also an understatement. My bag of water
presented first, and they said, “Alex, reach down here – feel this? It’s your
water.” I yanked my hand back, quite grossed out, and said, “Get him out!” I
remember thinking, “I need to change my breathing” – recalling from our birth
class the short, shallow breaths that would keep a feather in the air – but it
never translated physically for me. I remember hearing Bethany tell me they
were about to deliver the head and she may ask me to stop pushing for a bit.
Thankfully, she never told me to stop, because there was no stopping. Samuel’s
head crowned, bursting my water, and shooting him out. There was an instant
relief of pain that flooded my body, and then there was a lot of confusion as
they handed this slippery little human to me from in between my legs. They
helped me reposition with Samuel on my stomach, where he promptly pooped
(thanks buddy). Mom cut the cord as Ray
held my hand and teared up – taking in his little boy. They cleaned him up and
started to fix me up. That nitrous was not fun in labor, but it was my best
friend in recovery. Ray laughs at me because I was high as a kite. Dad was
finally allowed back in the room from his banishment, and I remember looking
over and seeing Dad and Ray both tearing up over Samuel. My repair took nearly
45 minutes before I got to hold Sam again and breastfeed. Lindsey had taken
lots of pictures and helped with breastfeeding before she headed back home. God
bless her, she massaged my back and applied pressure to my hips for the entire
7 ½ hours I was laboring in the hospital. There was no way I could’ve done it
without her, Ray, my mom and the rest of our healthcare team. Everyone was so
supportive and unified behind our goal to have a healthy and natural labor. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The rest of our stay in the hospital and our first two weeks
home felt incredibly surreal. Recovery in the hospital was relatively easy and
fast – I walked to the postpartum unit and frequently during my stay to help
ward off worsening soreness. Outside of that, I had no time to process the fact
that my body had just gone through something incredible, that I had just had a
baby. Everyone kept telling me I was a champ – natural childbirth? You go girl!
But that’s the last thing I felt like physically. I felt like a grenade had
exploded between my legs and every time Sam needed to eat I wanted to cry. I
felt weak and broken. I was exhausted, frustrated, and in constant pain. If I’m
being honest, there were times when I snapped at Samuel and wanted to shake him
– not shaken baby – but like someone would grab you by the shoulders and say,
“Get it together man!” Then I would cry in guilt – I don’t want to be a mother
or wife who yells, and yet I was snapping at my husband and baby. I would burst into tears in the middle of the
night – Sam would be crying and I would be crying. I just wanted to feed my
baby normally and painlessly, and he just wanted to eat but couldn’t do that
well. Still, I remember thinking there was incredible grace – my bottom hurt,
his bottom hurt too from a circumcision and then diaper rash. I was frustrated
and so was he – I didn’t know what I was doing and neither did he. We were in
the same boat, the two of us, and that realization helped me care for him with
compassion in difficult moments. The only difference was that I was in constant
demand and he was (still is) in constant need. I loved him – but in the very
deliberate and determined way that comes from meeting his needs the best way I
could, even though it meant putting my needs to the side temporarily. It took
us learning to exist together when everyone left – when Ray went back to work,
when all the family left – for me to really begin to feel strongly bonded and
connected to him. And it has not been easy – a persistent, awful diaper rash,
two lip tie revisions and a tongue tie revision, oversupply issues, multiple
medical appointments and calls to lactation consultants, we are still learning
how to do basic things, like how to suck, how to open his mouth wide, how to
latch, etc. In the midst of everything,
God has been so faithful and I am so thankful. Where he would be expected to be
“failure to thrive,” because of my oversupply of milk, he has continued to gain
weight and grow on curve! Ray and I are well aware that many families and
couples would gladly trade the late nights, the episodes of inconsolable
crying/screaming, the pain and stress for the sweet presence of a little one –
the sweet presence that I never want to take for granted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are times I grieve my pre-baby life – my pre-baby
body, productivity, and social/married life – which I think is normal and
healthy, but I wouldn’t exchange this season for a thing. Motherhood has been
the most challenging experience of my life. My body has been broken, and yet I
feel stronger and more beautiful than ever. My spirit has been tested and I
have felt so discouraged, but because of God’s faithfulness my family is not
defeated. I have learned the depths of my stubbornness, selfishness, lack of
control and pride – along with the depth of my need of the Lord, the love and
sacrifice in the Gospel, and grace so ever sufficient for my every weakness. My
heart, in all of its fullness, is now outside of my body and it rests on a
chunky little man named Samuel Grey Shaw. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsjkgLiCQQ17Bb5OI30Dl8s9NxFXWM5iaeKn82vWgvG2gZ_hHsIbGcIeVHCsP9uAvRmKOw30Hgrh2xKSIthgRT3emasA_jDlZdWqi-JdxGAlaihO4o4SXSApGRdmWiZt-3Zxnjbia3srE/s1600/image3+%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsjkgLiCQQ17Bb5OI30Dl8s9NxFXWM5iaeKn82vWgvG2gZ_hHsIbGcIeVHCsP9uAvRmKOw30Hgrh2xKSIthgRT3emasA_jDlZdWqi-JdxGAlaihO4o4SXSApGRdmWiZt-3Zxnjbia3srE/s320/image3+%25281%2529.JPG" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoMnayA81nnO2ewDZun6d82hQiDJvKQu99NFu1y2qbInsyj4dholWHdVbRnMaqeu5BRWZhRbgOvjTdx35B3rVd7oBrGTssM5Nlv1YCMauM3C-0PEycX11qtRLjUE9nmzCZehrBCBQQyeY/s1600/Summer+2015+030.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoMnayA81nnO2ewDZun6d82hQiDJvKQu99NFu1y2qbInsyj4dholWHdVbRnMaqeu5BRWZhRbgOvjTdx35B3rVd7oBrGTssM5Nlv1YCMauM3C-0PEycX11qtRLjUE9nmzCZehrBCBQQyeY/s320/Summer+2015+030.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghzA4mCRnbLx-Du6VEnuqHjLT62mN9_qcmJq1RQ-5ICrK1R1f3se9tUnqUxlplYLd6fYxhSap3Gy2WALsXh1474aWJf9DCciiGpxMOTF9p9FWMzKzWoLTGoSEluq6REILHtA-_6LgBypI/s1600/image6+%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghzA4mCRnbLx-Du6VEnuqHjLT62mN9_qcmJq1RQ-5ICrK1R1f3se9tUnqUxlplYLd6fYxhSap3Gy2WALsXh1474aWJf9DCciiGpxMOTF9p9FWMzKzWoLTGoSEluq6REILHtA-_6LgBypI/s320/image6+%25281%2529.JPG" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVFKEMP6ElRWsRBs7IspgiI6I_NVgg2F4Hyho-wFGjydidtgSn66AwfwGdyazEmg8V0t8u0QBOKCSJUARDNnm2MCntjjhMxwBTOS95vGbqo3UxpxsXAxdwrY9fx3HWYFLaTtw66ChLFRw/s1600/image7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVFKEMP6ElRWsRBs7IspgiI6I_NVgg2F4Hyho-wFGjydidtgSn66AwfwGdyazEmg8V0t8u0QBOKCSJUARDNnm2MCntjjhMxwBTOS95vGbqo3UxpxsXAxdwrY9fx3HWYFLaTtw66ChLFRw/s320/image7.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-27182668777692425092015-08-16T19:38:00.003-04:002015-08-16T19:39:09.893-04:00Letters to Little: Quiet Moments <div class="MsoNormal">
My goodness! You are one month old! This time a month ago I
was in transition with you – it was the longest and hardest part of labor –
praise Jesus you came out when you did! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right now you are sleeping in your monkey sleeper – which you
spend a lot of time in because I can take it from room to room while I’m doing
chores. You also make the greatest facial expressions, love eating, swinging on
the porch swing and being outside in general. You’ve been more alert lately,
letting Daddy and I see your big blue eyes. We love playing with you, but you
would rather eat and sleep. Daddy is on a long run, Moe went back to sleep, and I am
sitting at our table, coveted coffee mug in hand, really thankful for our
little family and this quiet moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One thing I struggle with is being still and quiet before the
Lord. In truth, I talk way too much and am a poor listener. I’m always fearful
of being alone and quiet with Jesus. What if He doesn’t show up? What if He
tells me things I don’t want to, or am not ready to hear? What if I’m exposed?
These are irrational fears rooted in unbelief. These are irrational fears
rooted in unbelief. The truth is that God is always present. He already knows
and sees all of me, and His words bring life. I know this, but I still struggle
with pride and doubting God’s character…and I avoid Him. I avoid quiet moments
and connecting with Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In John 15 & 16, Jesus tells His disciples quite a bit
of hard stuff…and He tells them why: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(16:1) “I have said these things to you to keep you from
falling away.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(16:4) “But I have said these things to you, that when their
hour comes you may remember that I told them to you.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(16:33) “I have said these things to you so that in me you may
have peace…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus also tells his disciples in John 16:12, “I still have
many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He only tells them what they can bear to hear in that
moment. While He said some difficult things that they didn’t fully understand,
His heart was never to overwhelm them but to prepare, equip and encourage them.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus really put His finger on my fearful and prideful heart
as I read these last few chapters in John. Jesus calls me to “abide” – to
remain with and in Him, to spend time with Him, to know Him, to ask of Him, to
be one with Him and the Father. When I avoid Him, when I refuse to still myself
before Him and listen, I do the opposite. I am more anxious, more stressed, and
more foolish. I return to things that I know; things that are natural, easy and
familiar. I make decisions out of fear and my own human wisdom, which isn’t
wisdom at all. Like Peter did in John 21, I go back to “fishing” when Jesus has
called me to follow Him (John 21:3; 19). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The reality is that I cannot follow Jesus unless I know Him –
and I cannot get to know Him unless I engage and spend time with Him. God’s
heart is not to overwhelm me with things I cannot bear to hear. He knows my
limits better than I do, so when He does bring a challenging or convicting word
to me, I have to trust His character, timing and purpose. When He comes with
correction or conviction, I need to ask for the humility to receive it, the grace
to repent and the faith to follow. His heart is for me – like it is for you –
and my prayer is that you would know God’s voice and follow Him all the days of
your life…and that you would see that modeled by your Daddy and me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We love you so much buddy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
-mom<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PS: you are officially a chunky monkey :)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXUrGG1YH8nT4JjkB7r5I09kedvpY_wTUdo88g-xZGIopeL4CY6rmJjmdagsTxUL7dJ9UeWQ2fOtU7mSNlEuMBEOKo1c3F2wq38pGyFArv5HuUJlcr060OIQzoMRL0xbOFYRk3mIHWkiE/s1600/Summer+2015+107.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXUrGG1YH8nT4JjkB7r5I09kedvpY_wTUdo88g-xZGIopeL4CY6rmJjmdagsTxUL7dJ9UeWQ2fOtU7mSNlEuMBEOKo1c3F2wq38pGyFArv5HuUJlcr060OIQzoMRL0xbOFYRk3mIHWkiE/s320/Summer+2015+107.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-12461983657226030832015-08-07T11:22:00.003-04:002015-08-07T11:23:30.091-04:00Letters to Little - The Way It Ends<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
John 11:4 – <i>But when Jesus heard it he said, ‘This illness does not lead to death.
It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.’”
<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Happy three weeks my little
munchkin! You are getting sooo big! You gained almost a pound in your first two
weeks and continue to fill out your skin. I am loving your baby rolls but
missing how tiny you were already. Last night you slept for 4-4 ½ hours at a
time – which means I got to sleep, too! You have the best facial expressions
and you love to make noises. You also love your pacifier and the porch swing –
still not a fan of the car seat though! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
I would be lying if I told you that
these past three weeks have been easy and perfectly wonderful. They have been
wonderful, but also painful, challenging, and disheartening for all of us at
times. You won’t remember, but you’ve been frustrated, too. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
At one point, when I was feeling so
very discouraged, Jesus reminded me of his friend Lazarus. In John 11, Lazarus’
sisters (Mary and Martha) send word to Jesus that his good buddy (whom Jesus
loved) is very sick and needs Jesus. What does Jesus do? You would think that
He would rush to His friend’s side and heal him right away – that would be the
most loving thing to do, right? But Jesus doesn’t do that. Jesus says, “This
doesn’t end in death; God’s going to get the glory” and He stays put. He doesn’t
go. And Lazarus dies…and then Jesus decides to go to him….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
….What the heck Jesus? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
But that’s not the end of the
story. Jesus ends up raising Lazarus from the dead! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
Time out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Wouldn’t it have been easier for
everyone if Jesus had just gone first thing and healed Lazarus? Or better yet,
if He had never allowed Lazarus to get sick to begin with? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
You see, God’s ways are not our
ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. He is so much smarter and greater than
we are. The reality is that Jesus could have healed Lazarus or prevented his
illness entirely, but because He didn’t a few things happened: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Lazarus
encountered Jesus in a way that he never would have otherwise. He was given a
powerful testimony. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Jesus
demonstrated His authority over death – not just to Lazarus and His disciples,
but to the Jews who were present and to us as well. They encountered Jesus in a
way they never would have otherwise and left with a powerful testimony. Much
like them, we get to encounter Jesus in that same way when we read this story. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]-->God
got the glory – and where God is glorified, therein lies our good. God’s
glory=our good…even (especially) when it doesn’t look like what we would have
thought. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
So could Jesus miraculously fix all
of our breastfeeding struggles – heal your tongue and lip ties, take away my
pain, regulate my milk supply to meet your needs? Could He balance out your
clotting factors so you don’t bleed so easily? Heal that pesky, persistent
diaper rash? Yes, yes He could. He could in an instant. Has He? No. But has He
been gracious, and faithful, and present, and healing? Yes, yes He has. In
fact, you would be expected to be “failure to thrive” and yet you are gaining
weight because of an oversupply of milk! God is so faithful to us and what
seems hopeless – what appears will end in death – Jesus says, “I got this. God
will get the glory.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Because of the Gospel we can
confidently claim, “This will not end in death. God will be glorified.” Even
physical death is not our end. We have the hope of life forever with Jesus –
whole, complete, perfectly restored life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Satan would love for us to wallow
in despair – to allow confusion, grief, frustration and anger to prevent us from
seeking God and pressing into Him during difficult seasons. He loves to whisper
lies to us, like “God doesn’t care.” “This is hopeless.” “Change or healing isn’t
possible.” “Just give up.” Etc. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
BUT<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Jesus had declared, “This does not
end in death.” He has won the victory by rising from the dead. He has the
authority, the power, the final say over death and everything else. Where Satan
can only steal, kill, destroy, and lie, Jesus always gives and brings full and
abundant life (John 10:10). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
There will be times in your life
when Jesus will “wait” or “stay” like He did in Lazarus’ case. Other times when
He will ask you to surrender to Him in trust, even when it seems like that is
the death of a dream or promise – He did this with Abraham when He asked
Abraham to sacrifice his promised son Isaac – but I promise He knows best and
He is faithful to His promises. If He asks you to lay something down on the
altar (which He will at some point), know that there is life abundant on the other side of surrender. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
My prayer for you – as you squirm
on my chest right now – is that you always trust Jesus and walk in obedience to
Him, especially in tough seasons. That you would declare, as Jesus did, “This –
whatever it might be- does not end in death. Jesus, get the glory.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
I love you my bug – always. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Mom <o:p></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-51554986536980861872015-07-04T14:05:00.001-04:002015-07-04T14:05:15.494-04:00The Kingdom <div class="MsoNormal">
I’m no theologian or Bible scholar – so what I’m about to
write comes from my thoughts as I’ve been reading through the book of Luke in
my quiet time. My hope is that the Lord speaks through me, giving me wisdom
that comes from Him and not from me –otherwise this is pretty pointless. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’ve opened your Facebook newsfeed in recent days,
there’s almost a 100% guarantee that it has been overwhelmed with posts about the
SCOTUS ruling on same-sex marriage or rainbow colored profile pictures, the
confederate flag or attacks on black churches in the south or something
concerning current racial tensions, and a myriad of blogs expressing their
opinions on the state of our country. Some celebrate, some call for continued
reform, while others mourn. In the midst of all of this, the division in the
church and among Christians on these issues has been pervasive, which has led
this first-time-mom-to-be to ask some hard questions on how I’ll explain and
answer Samuel’s questions one day. How do I teach my son to love God’s Word, to
prize it as truth that does not change, to love the Lord and to love others as
Jesus did? How do I do that when the definition of love I see in Scripture is
much different than the definition of love used in our culture? How do I teach
him to discern biblically sound and humble teachers to listen to from those who
look more like wolves in sheep’s clothing? How do I do all of that without
alienating him from the body of Christ – which has always been God’s Plan A in
exemplifying the Gospel to the world – when it seems more divided and broken
than ever? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Personally, one of the most frustrating things that I have
observed in recent weeks has been this outrage and shock from Christians that
our nation’s government isn’t making laws consistent with our biblical beliefs.
In my opinion, the expectation that those who do not claim Christ would make
biblically-based decisions, or ones that line up with Christ’s teachings, is
unrealistic – I feel like Paul is pretty clear about this in Romans 1-2. It
doesn’t mean you have to agree with the decision, lifestyle, or action of those
who believe something differently than you – but our response in these moments
ought to be different than shock, outrage, and a beating with the Bible. Why? Because
I don’t think the current responses of “tolerance” and “bible-beating” are effective
nor Biblical. I could be wrong, but I think the key for a better response lies
in understanding the Kingdom and our role in it differently than I have before.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Kingdom has always been a difficult concept for me to
grasp as a believer, to be completely honest. It’s always seemed abstract –
something you read about in parables but it isn’t here yet fully, and trying to
flush it out practically is another struggle entirely. However, as I’ve been diving
into the Gospels, I’m beginning to see that the Kingdom – while it is something
we still look forward to in terms of Jesus’ return – is something that is
already in our midst. The Kingdom is near – it can be sought and found – and it
isn’t something that God is trying to hide from us. On the contrary, Luke 12:32
encourages us not to fear – “for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you
the kingdom.” As a Christ-follower, my citizenship is now found in the Kingdom –
and with any kingdom or nation, there are an authority, a people, and an
order/way of life/law. There are also certain rights and responsibilities given
to you not based on performance but on your position as a citizen. When Jesus
says, “the kingdom of God is like…” He’s showing us a greater understanding of
who He is as King, who we are as His people, and what life is like under His
reign…even in the midst of another physical form of government. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the Jews, they expected Messiah to come as a political savior
– to rescue them from Roman rule and be reestablished as a nation. They wanted
so badly to be politically free and independent – that they missed the complete
freedom Jesus was offering to them. They missed the Kingdom. I’m wondering if
we are today as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The more I read and understand Jesus’ words, the more upside
down the Kingdom sounds. Love those who hate me? Bless those who persecute me?
Forgive those who hurt me? Give all that I have? Don’t seek to preserve my own
neck? Leave 99 and go after the lost 1? Welcome the poor, needy, hungry,
widows, orphans into my home – meet their needs even when my resources seem
limited – and don’t worry? Yes. Why?
Because when I love, bless, forgive, give, seek, welcome, trust, and depend
then I am free regardless of my physical circumstances. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The more I look at Jesus’ life, the more I find that He was
not only able to submit to the governing authorities (despite being God), but
He was also able to fulfill the Law without agreeing with them. How many times
did the Pharisees accuse the man of breaking the Sabbath? How many times did
they seek and watch and test Him, to catch Him in the act of breaking their
laws? And how many times did Jesus speak the truth in love, reveal the purpose
and intention of the Law, and perfectly fulfill it? How many times did Jesus heal,
act mercifully, love, forgive, and extend peace to “sinners” and those
considered “unclean” without calling them to “go and sin no more”? How many
times does He call us to do the same? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus understood the Kingdom. He understood that God is
working and moving; that His purposes and plans will not be thwarted – He understood
that God sees the end from the beginning and nothing catches Him by surprise.
He also understood His role in the Kingdom – Philippians 2:1-11 as an example.
He understood that you can be subject to governing authorities, to walk in
respect and love and honor, without confusing where your true citizenship lies
(Matthew 17:24-27, 22:15-24,and Romans 13 as an example). He understood the
importance of obeying His Father in the everyday – rather than pointing out
everyone else’s sin, the ridiculousness of their self-righteousness, or all of
the flaws and poor decisions made by the government – He met people where they
were, taught them with great compassion, patience, and truth without contempt,
touched the unclean, communed with the poor, the dirty, the sick, the
marginalized. Not once did he engage with someone who was lost and fail to have
compassion on them, to meet their needs practically and then call them to “go
and sin no more.” And when they refused, as some did, He didn’t chase after
them beating them upside the head with arguments or reasons why they should
follow Him. He was grieved deeply for them, He continued to love them, but He
also let them walk away without changing His call. Therein lays the balance that I fear I have
missed, and maybe we have missed collectively as the Church. I can love someone
and not condone their behavior. I can respect authority without compromising my
conviction or losing sight of where my allegiance lies. I can meet others where
they are, love them as Christ loved them, and invite them to see how Jesus is
changing my life – not as someone who is perfect or has it altogether – but I
can do that without strings attached, and maybe they’ll catch a glimpse of the
Kingdom, of Jesus, and want more. Maybe not. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus shares many parables about a master leaving his
servants in charge of his house – emphasizing the importance of the servants
being ready for their master’s unknown time/date of return. Will he find them
doing what they’ve been commanded to do? Will he find them asleep, unprepared,
or worse – abusing one another and acting shamefully towards one another? Or in
a current context – will Jesus return finding His Bride doing what we’ve been
commanded to do as citizens of the Kingdom? Will He find us walking in
obedience, free despite our physical circumstances, and welcoming others into
the Kingdom in truth and love? Or will He find us apathetic, complacent, or
worse – abusing one another and beating the hell out of everyone who doesn’t
see things “our way”? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus, open our eyes to see the Kingdom – create in us servants
that you find following your heart all the days of our lives. <o:p></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-81365309959119050092015-06-27T12:32:00.003-04:002015-06-27T12:32:29.134-04:00Letters to Little: Asking <br /><div class="MsoNormal">
Luke 11:1-12<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this passage of Scripture, Jesus takes some time to teach
His disciples how to pray because they asked Him. He teaches them how to pray
and tells them a story about a man who was so persistent in asking his neighbor
for help in the middle of the night that his neighbor finally got out of bed
and helped him. Jesus then encourages His disciples to ask, seek and knock…promising
that they would then receive, find and be opened to: “<i>For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the
one who knocks it will be opened.” Luke 11:10 (ESV)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus doesn’t just stop there – He challenges His disciples
even further by comparing imperfect, earthly fathers who know how to give good
gifts to their children, to God who is a perfect Heavenly Father – How much
more does God know how to give good gifts to His children? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I’m being honest, I worry a lot and ask very little. I
worry a lot and seek very little. I worry and allow myself to become so
paralyzed with fear that I might stand at the door but never knock. Jesus is
clear – worrying robs me of life and peace. It is fruitless and accomplishes
nothing…BUT coming to my perfect Heavenly Father and asking Him for what I
need, seeking Him, and knocking at His door – trusting that He will not only
answer me and let me in, but that He knows how to give me exactly what I need –
that is much more life-giving. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>What keeps me from
asking the Lord for what I need…or even for what I want? <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Pride</b>:
it’s hard to admit my needs and surrender control. It’s hard to admit that I am
limited. It’s hard for me to depend completely on the Lord to show up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Fear</b>:
what if God doesn’t answer? What if I’m really vulnerable and He isn’t safe
with my heart? What if I’m brave enough to ask but He doesn’t come through? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Complacency</b>:
This goes along with pride, but often I’m so comfortable that I don’t even
think to ask for things! I settle and focus on what “my resources” can provide
or how I can meet my own needs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are just a few reasons for me, but all of them are
rooted in lies. I do need God. I am limited. I am not in control. “My resources”
are not mine –all that I am and have is His. God is always a safe place. He
knows everything about me and yet He loves me perfectly still. I don’t have to
fear rejection like Satan would like for me to believe. God loves me and
invites me to come to Him. He delights in meeting my needs. He delights in
giving me the desires of my heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Bible says to <i>“Delight
yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm
37:4 </i>– I don’t think this means “delight yourself in the Lord SO THAT He
will give you what you want..” I think it means that as we delight ourselves in
the Lord, our hearts become more like His heart and our desires more like His
desires… they line up with His will. <i>Psalm
34:10 says, “The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord
lack no good thing.”</i> And Paul reminds us in Philippians 3:19 <i>that “…God will supply every need of yours
according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now if we’re not careful, we can start to see God like we
see Santa Clause. That’s not who God is. We don’t just get to bang on heaven’s
door repeatedly, ask for a super nice car just because we feel entitled to one,
and then question His faithfulness when we don’t get what we want. Equally so,
we don’t get to think “If I’m a really good person, God will give me XYZ….” <b>God’s faithfulness in meeting our needs is
not dependent upon our performance and legalism, but on His faithfulness, grace
and character.</b> He rewards our obedience, yes! However, obedience should
always come from an overflow of love and thankfulness, acknowledging that God’s
ways are best even when we don’t feel like they are, and not out of impure
motives to manipulate God’s hand. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it wrong to ask for a nice car or nice things? I don’t
think so. Is it wrong to have nice things or expensive things? Not at all. I
think the more important question is why we want those things – is it to make
much of ourselves or to make much of God? I also think it’s important to
remember that in God’s kingdom – we are not owners but stewards – so all we
have is His. <b>The minute we start to
think we are owners entitled to things, we lose sight of the Gospel. </b>Sometimes
God withholds things from us that we consider “good” because He knows us better
than we do. He knows that that really nice car or fancy new house may get to
our heads and cause us to stumble in pride. A guy named Agur prayed something
like this in Proverbs 30 that I’ve always thought wise: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i>“And
then he prayed, ‘God, I’m asking for two things before I die; don’t refuse me –
Banish lies from my lips and liars from my presence. Give me enough food to
live on, neither too much nor too little. If I’m too full, I might get
independent, saying, ‘God? Who needs him?’ If I’m poor, I might steal and
dishonor the name of my God.”- Proverbs 30:7-9 MSG <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus invites me to ask, to seek and to knock – He puts no
limits on what I can ask for, seek for or knock for – and He promises that I
will receive, find, and be invited in with an open door. So I need to ask, to
seek, and to knock more – trusting that God’s heart towards me is one of a
perfect Father towards His beloved daughter. Trusting that He will supply every
need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus, that I will lack no good
thing, and that He is faithful even when His answers look different than how I
thought they would look, because God sees the end from the beginning and He
alone knows how to give me good gifts in His perfect timing and season.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My hope for you is
that you always know God’s heart towards you as His beloved son. Your dad and I
will let you down – we’re nowhere close to perfect – but God never fails you. He
is always faithful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We love you. Come soon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
-mom <o:p></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-28155711077645079892015-02-08T17:05:00.003-05:002015-02-08T17:05:53.157-05:00Letters to Little: One of the biggest, well-meaning lies you may ever hear<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>For we do not have a
high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in
every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with
confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find
grace to help in our time of need.- Hebrews 4:15-16 </i>(ESV)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>But He said to me, “My
grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power
of Christ may rest upon me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9 </i>ESV <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My sweet, ever-growing Little – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There will be times in your precious life where you will be
lied to – and while I hope those times are few and far between, I know that
those times will happen. You may be surprised when even well-meaning people who
love you so much fail you in this way. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The truth is there is really only one person who is perfect,
faithful, true and unfailing and that’s Jesus. It’s impossible for Him to lie
because He is the Truth (John 14:6). In every good story, there is a hero and a
villain – an enemy of all that is good. In all of our stories there is one hero
– Jesus – and one enemy who is known as “the father of lies”. The good news is
that Jesus has already kicked his butt – Satan has been defeated! – but he’s a
pretty sore loser. You’ll find that the irritating thing about sore losers is
they just can’t let some things go, and neither can he – so he still tries to
tell us lies. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some lies are pretty obvious, but others sound like they
could be true. They tend to be the biggest of them all, because they sound
good. One of the biggest lies from well-meaning people may sound something like
this: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>God will never give you more than you can
handle.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It sounds nice, right? And it would seem like God was kind
of a jerk if that’s a lie, right? But my sweet child, that is a lie straight
from the pit of hell, and God is not a jerk. The truth is always better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There will be times and seasons in your life that are really
challenging. Your dad and I are in one of those seasons. They aren’t fun, but
they aren’t bad either. Why? Because they strengthen our faith – they force us
to look to Jesus and watch with expectation to see how He’ll show up. Those
situations, the ones where if Jesus doesn’t show up we’re toast, are the ones
that we can’t handle. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be fiercely
independent and these situations will freak you out…but they’ll be the most
defining moments of your life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope that you learn, much quickly than I am, how to walk in
complete dependence on the Lord. I also hope you see how Jesus is always
faithful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
In the seasons
that seem abundant and restful, He is faithful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
In the seasons
that seem dark and overwhelming, He is faithful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
In the seasons that feel so heavy,
where you wonder if you can keep going if you can keep going if one more thing
gets added to your plate, He is faithful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
In the seasons that you feel
alone, when Satan tries to lie to you, He is faithful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He is faithful and He has given you His Word, which is full
of reminders of His faithfulness. Your dad and I are really excited to read you
some of the stories in His word, hopeful that you’ll want to read them on your
own one day. You’ll hear about Abraham, Isaac, Joseph, Moses, Elijah, Esther,
Job, David, Jeremiah, Hosea, Jesus, Peter, Paul and so many more. Men and women
who were so messed up, but Jesus took their mess and redeemed them. These “heroes of faith” were all placed in
situations that they could not handle on their own…but God showed up and used
them in mighty ways because they trusted in Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The best way I’ve found to recognize a lie and address it,
is to know the truth. When I get into a tough spot and I’m tempted to question
God’s faithfulness or His presence – when my feelings are fickle and deceiving –
I need to claim truth: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>God will never give me
more than I can handle <b>with</b> His
help.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>God is my refuge and
strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, I won’t fear though the
earth gives way… </i>(Psalm 46:1-4)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>God is able to meet
all of my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. </i>Phil 4:19<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>God is my perfect
Father; He cannot give a bad gift. (</i>Matthew 7: 11)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>God sees me and sees
all that concerns me. I can cast all of my cares upon Him, knowing that He
cares for me. (</i>1 Peter 5:7)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I can be strong and
courageous, knowing that the Lord goes with me </i>(He is present even when I
can’t feel His presence)<i> – He will never
leave me nor forsake me.</i> (Deuteronomy 31:6)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Jesus understands my
every weakness, so when life gets hard I can come to Him without shame and find
grace to help in my time of need. (</i>Hebrews 4:15-16)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I can’t exhaust God’s
grace, nor can I outrun or out-sin it. His grace is sufficient for me. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may hear your momma say things like this out loud and
often when she feels stressed, anxious or overwhelmed. You have a crazy mom who
talks to herself often <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
Regardless, I hope you remember these truths and call them to mind in seasons
of rest and in seasons that aren’t so restful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are so loved. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-mom <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
PS: if you pop out looking like a pickle, I’m sorry <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-66587198524247875332015-01-17T14:50:00.002-05:002015-01-17T14:52:00.816-05:00Letters to Little <div class="MsoNormal">
Call me crazy, but I started a journal to Little the night I
found out we were pregnant. Below is this morning’s entry, just for kicks and
giggles: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>The eyes of the Lord
are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.</i>- Proverbs 15:3
NKJV<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>For You formed my
inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I
am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it
very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret;
intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed
substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed
for me, when as yet there was none of them. </i>– Psalm 139:13-16 ESV<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My precious Little – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Today you are 14 weeks and 5 days –
they tell me you’re about the size of a lemon and 3 whole inches long! This
week you were busy growing hair and building your vocal cords…if you are
anything like me then you will have strong and loud ones <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Daddy is hanging out with Mr.
Daniel and Moe-Puppy is outside chasing squirrels and sunbathing, so it’s just
me and you on this quiet, sunny morning. I like sharing my mornings with you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
One thing Jesus has been reminding
me of lately is the reality that He sees me. He sees you, too! This week was
really busy and hard, and my feelings were very hurt at times. Plus, I was
worried about you – because I know that when I’m stressed, you are living in a
stressed-home, and I don’t want that! I want you to grow and thrive in a
peaceful place. Though I would forget, God reminded me a few times that He saw
us and all that we were going through, and that He is a safe place to come and
rest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This morning I was reminded in
Proverbs that God sees everything – the good and the evil – which means He
never takes His eyes off of us. That makes me feel safe because even when bad
things happen, I can go to God and talk with Him about it, knowing He wasn’t
absent from it. He can show me a different perspective. He can show me and
teach me to see things and people the way that He sees them. He can show me His
heart on the matter. So I am never alone – and I don’t have to feel alone. I
can go to the Father and know that He not only sees me, but He watches over
everything that concerns me because He loves me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Not only does God see us, Little,
but He sees the whole picture – the end from the beginning. So when I don’t
understand or when I feel “lost in the sauce” I can choose to trust that God
knows what He is doing. I can choose to trust that He is good, that He loves
me, that He is faithful to work all things out for His glory and my good. The
problem is making that choice, because sometimes it’s easier for me to trust my
feelings. Feelings are fickle, Little – they don’t dictate what is true. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So while you’re cooking, I have to
remind myself that God sees you. He is in control of your growth and
development and over this pregnancy. No matter what, I can trust Him with you
and with me. I have to remind myself that He sees me and your dad – He knows
what we need and will help us be the parents that you need and deserve. He will
help us shepherd you because you are His kid always before you are ours. While
you’re cooking, Mommy is learning how to trust her Heavenly Father. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I also want you to know how
intentional and purposed you are – from your body to your personality, gifts,
and talents, to the days of your life – you have never gone unseen by the Lord.
You’ve never been a surprise, never forgotten or unloved. You, my precious
Little, are divinely purposed and intentionally created with wisdom, joy and
love. Even though I can only see you through an occasional high-tech
ultrasound, Jesus sees you always. He loves you so, so much. For all of your
days, He will never fail to see you and to watch over all that concerns you. He
is a safe place for you always. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You are so loved. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
- Mom <!--3--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PS: You have your Mommy loving pickles, avocados, and
Mexican food. You are also starting to poke out more and Moe-Puppy doesn’t know
what to think! She’ll come nuzzle my belly when I sit on the floor to pet her –
I think she likes you <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-78859362609405718442015-01-05T23:07:00.002-05:002015-01-05T23:07:45.086-05:00El Roi
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was blessed to have nearly two weeks off of work over the
holiday season, even more blessed to spend that entire time with my husband,
sweet puppy, and extended family over yummy food, fun games, slow mornings and
more food. So when the time came for me to have to set my alarm last night to
go back to work today, I wanted to cry a little. I love my job tremendously,
but I was also loving Gilmore Girls marathons and 24/7 PJ parties (go on and
judge). </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did not sleep well – my eyes sprung open at 1:30am and
remained wide open until around 4pm…the reasons why have long escaped me. My
two alarms both went off followed by a lovely snooze button, and in the
stillness of the morning I was struck with such a sweet, sweet reminder: </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">El Roi. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The God who sees me (Genesis 16:13). The God who saw Hagar and allowed
Himself to be seen by her in the midst of her affliction, desperation, and hurt
is the same God who sees me and allows Himself to be seen by me. This is the
God who has rescued me. This is the God who is the author of the Gospel – the author
of my story – and He sees me. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This awareness that God does see all of me would normally
freak me out and make me feel naked, vulnerable and exposed – waiting for “the
other shoe to drop” or the disappointment to come. Normally my anxiety would be
heightened and I would want to leave the conversation, the room, the country.
Interestingly enough one of the possible meanings for Hagar’s name is “flight.”
Sound familiar? Only this morning, I didn’t feel the urge to flee or leave this
place of being and feeling seen. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was filled with peace – not because I had undergone any
affliction or felt like I was in a place of desperation – though if you had
seen my hair and experienced my morning breath you may have thought otherwise.
I was filled with peace that comes from being seen without being unsafely
exposed. I didn’t feel like God was seeing me with critical eyes, but with the
eyes of a perfect Father watching His daughter wake up. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The reality is that sometimes God does put His finger on
some areas of my life that aren’t healthy or honoring to him – areas that feel
raw, that I hate having exposed. He never barges in, nor is He rough – but when
invited, He definitely addresses those areas of infection like any good
physician would. Even in those times, He is the God who sees me and allows
Himself to be seen by me because He loves me. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This morning was one of those sweet wake-up calls from the
Father – “Good morning, daughter. I know it is Monday and you’re tired, but I
see you. I know you want endless vacation and one more day to sleep in, but I
see you. I am a safe place for you, you don’t have to pretend or ‘fake it until
you make it’ today because I see you right where you are and I am more than
enough for you today. I made today, it belongs to Me and I want to walk through
it with you.” </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe you feel a bit like Hagar – running desperately and
full of pain into a desert place – or maybe you’re just feeling worn out from
periodic insomnia like me - Wherever you are at the start of this New Year,
know that God is the God who sees you and delights in being seen by you. He
longs to walk with you through the desert, the pain, the Mondays just as much
as He longs to walk with you through the joy. You are seen. May that be an
invitation to take rest, to take heart, and to see Him more fully in return. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">all our love, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">a + "little" </span></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-85841219993578990702014-10-11T20:37:00.003-04:002014-10-11T20:40:40.962-04:00Job: Lessons in Suffering and Comforting <div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Ray needed a man weekend, full of
backpacking through the woods, body odor, “bacon jerky” (yes, that exists), and
no estrogen. So while he was off trekking through the woods, I bought a bottle
of my favorite wine, slept in until noon, and have yet to get out of my pajamas
(don’t judge me). This introvert needed
a quiet, solitary place for a bit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
((In truth, the man weekend ended
pretty abruptly due to weather and the hubs came back home this afternoon,
promptly showered (thank you Jesus) and has fallen asleep, TV remote in hand, “watching”
a college football game. ))<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .25in;">
With slow mornings normally come
solid quiet times and a completely finished cup of coffee. Somehow the coffee
always gets poured but never consumed in the morning. I’ve been hanging out in
Job and Luke lately, but mostly Job. I’ve read the story before and heard it
multiple times, but I feel like God is blowing my mind this time around. Here’s
why: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Job is the best defense against the Prosperity
Gospel I’ve ever encountered. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->God was not the source of Job’s suffering, but
He did allow it for the sake of His glory. He did not do this maliciously but
confidently – He knew Job’s heart and character. He bragged about his kid Job. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->God was ok with Job bringing his grief and complaint
before Him. Job did this without ever blaming God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Job’s friends sucked at comforting because they
spoke in their own wisdom. They stood in the way of God using them to comfort
Job and became a source of grief for their friend. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Job’s hope in the Lord never wavered because he
trusted God’s character even when he didn’t have all the answers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Why the Prosperity
Gospel is No Gospel: <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The Bible clearly states that Job
was a righteous and blameless man. Just look
at the way God viewed Job and spoke so highly of him (Job 1:8). Job was highly
favored and esteemed, and he was loaded. When Satan attacks Job’s character and taunts
God’s glory, God gives Satan power over all that Job has <i>except his person </i>(1:9-12). When Job refuses to curse the Lord, God
gives Satan power over Job’s person but not his life (2:6). <b>God did not author Job’s suffering but He
did permit it for the sake of His Glory and limit it in His sovereignty. ((</b>I
don’t believe God ever willed sin or suffering, but I do believe He wills
freedom in relationships. Freedom in relationship only comes through choice,
and in Genesis 3 man chose something other than God*. The natural consequence of
that choice ushered in sin and opened the window for suffering.<b>))</b> Job’s response to Satan’s attack was
to fall down in worship and acknowledge God’s sovereign right to give and take
away (1:20-21). <i>In all of this Job did
not sin or charge God with wrong (1:22; 2:10). </i>Job never lost sight of the
holiness of God in the midst of his suffering. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
At its core, the prosperity gospel says: Doing good things/obedience brings physical
wealth, comfort, health and prosperity. The logical converse of the prosperity
gospel would then be: poverty, sickness and suffering must point to sin or
disobedience. This is what Job’s friends
believed. <b>They could not wrap their
minds around a righteous person suffering. They could not wrap their minds
around having a spiritual enemy. </b>So
they blamed Job for his suffering – they assaulted his character, pleaded with
him to repent of sin he never committed and shared all of their wisdom with Job
uninvited. They became a source of grief for Job rather than a source of
comfort.<b> </b>How often have we, as
believers who make up the Church, responded in kind to those in the midst of
great suffering? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>How we respond to those who are suffering greatly reveals what we
believe about God’s character and what we believe about the Gospel. </b> If we believe God’s favor towards us depends
on our actions, if we believe in the Prosperity Gospel, those who are in the
midst of suffering will find us a source of grief instead of a source of
comfort. They will find in us nothing but criticism, confusion and hurt. If we
believe that God’s favor towards us has been forever won on the cross of
Christ, that He is constantly sovereign and loving, and that we live within the
context of spiritual warfare then those who are in the midst of suffering will
find in us a source of comfort, peace and strength. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Vessels of Comfort <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In order for others to find in us a
source of comfort, we have to get out of the way and learn what it is to be a vessel
of God’s presence and voice. I’m sure Job’s friends had the best intentions –
they really wanted to “fix” Job’s suffering and argue him into repentance they
thought would help – but they spoke from their own sources of wisdom, knowledge
and experience. Not once did they
intercede on Job’s behalf before the Lord. Not once did they invite God to
speak to Job through them. They tried to
be their own source of comfort. Job’s
response? <i>I also could speak as you do, if your soul were in my soul’s place. I
could heap up words against you, and shake my head at you; BUT I would
strengthen you with my mouth, and the comfort of my lips would relieve your
grief. – Job 16:4-5 </i>NKJV<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’m not going to lie; I think I’m a
terrible comforter. I remember going over to a friend’s house in college. Her
boyfriend had left for the summer and she was in tears – I mean, weeping
because she missed him, long distance was difficult, etc. I felt like a deer in
headlights… I didn’t have a boyfriend and I’m not a huge crier. <i>He’s just gone for the summer, it’s not like
he’s dead</i> my bewildered brain thought, but you can’t say that to your
sobbing friend. In fact, if someone ever said that to me I’d probably cry worse
than she was. She leaned in for a hug; I’m not a hugger either. <i>Hug her back, Alex! </i>My brain cued my
arms to wrap around her in an awkward hug. We probably spent the rest of the
day watching chick flicks and binging on brownies… the cure to all girl
problems, right? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Even though that’s a funny example,
the truth is that I really don’t know what to do when someone is grieving or
suffering. I don’t know what to say or how to act in a way that will ease their
pain and not add to it. It’s easier to try to “fix it” with my own wisdom than
it is to put my soul in their soul’s place and invite the Lord into that place
with us. To sit quietly with them, standing in the gap for them, interceding on
their behalf with the Father, and inviting Him to speak to them through me. To
listen to them pour out their grief and complaints, knowing that God’s okay
with them bringing that before Him, knowing that God is present and good even
when everything around me screams lies that He’s absent and malicious or
unfaithful. To commit to speak only what the Lord impresses on my heart to
speak, and to shut up all that is not of Him because His words bring life,
strength, peace and comfort in a way that mine never will or could. To usher
peace into the situation, not through understanding the “why” but through
inviting the presence of Holy God to dwell among us. After all, genuine peace
is not found in knowledge but in the presence of Christ. <b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
How differently would the situation
with my friend have looked like if I had placed my soul in her soul’s place and
invited God to speak through me? How different would my response have been if
it had not been me speaking but Christ in me? Not me hugging but Christ in me
embracing my dear friend? How much comfort could I have brought to the
situation if I had asked the simple question, “Lord, is there anything you
would like to say to her in this moment?” before I opened my big mouth?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
At some point in our lives we have
all experienced some form of grief or suffering, whether it was a consequence
of a poor decision we made, abuse from someone else’s sinful choice, or something
similar to Job’s story. Chances are we’ve probably encountered people like Job’s
friends. I know I have, and I’ve honestly wanted to punch them in the face.
Chances are we’ve also been like Job’s friends to someone else (ouch), I know I
have unintentionally – saying those cliché things you think sound okay because
you’re really at a loss for words. <i>It’s
okay to be at a loss for words… it’s actually a great opportunity to invite God
to share His word through you. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>Father,
<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>Thank
You for being the Author of Job’s story. Thank you for your sovereignty and
faithfulness even in the midst of suffering and grief. Thank you for the hope
that we have in the Gospel – the reality that You have indeed rescued us by
Jesus’ death and resurrection into eternal life, relationship, with You. We
confess our great need for You and invite you to fill us anew with Your Spirit,
that we might be vessels of comfort for those who greatly need Your comfort.
Fill us with wisdom that is from You, that is peaceable, gentle, and
life-giving. Tune our hearts to the sound of Your voice, that we may be quick
to listen, quick to invite You into our conversations, and slow to speak apart
from Your leading. You are our Peace, and we are so grateful for Your love. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
All of my love,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
-a<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
* Notes taken while listening to Bob Hamp and Alan Smith.
Highly recommend checking out Foundations of Freedom at <a href="http://bobhamp.com/foundations-of-freedom/">http://bobhamp.com/foundations-of-freedom/</a></div>
</div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-12325302543473604362014-10-10T15:27:00.003-04:002014-10-10T15:27:28.395-04:00Spiritual Physics <div class="MsoNormal">
I find myself reading about Newton’s laws of motion this
morning. Yes, I’m on Wikipedia. Yes, my head is swimming with equations I don’t
understand. Yes, I’m thankful I got to skip physics class – if this is physics?
I’m honestly not sure if it’s English yet… </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From Wikipedia, the source of all tested and approved
knowledge, Newton came up with three laws of motion. The literal English
translation of the laws is as follows: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Law I: Every body persists in its
state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight forward, except insofar
as it is compelled to change its state by force impressed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Law II: The alteration of motion
is ever proportional to the motive force impressed; and is made in the
direction of the right line in which that force is impressed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
English
please? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Law II: The change of momentum of
a body is proportional to the impulse impressed on the body, and happens along
the straight line on which that impulse is impressed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Thanks?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Law III: To every action there is
always opposed an equal reaction: or the mutual actions of two bodies upon each
other are always equal, and directed to contrary parts. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of these laws in their simplest form take place in an inertial
frame of reference – “a frame of reference that describes time and space
homogeneously, isotropically and in a time-independent manner.” Thanks for keeping that simple, Wikipedia?
Apparently there are many types of frames of reference, and those types can be
interrelated, and praise Jesus I’m not a physicist! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why am I talking about physics on this rainy Tuesday instead
of being curled up in my favorite Clemson hoodie with a cup of tea watching How
I Met Your Mother on Netflix? Because I found myself ending my Monday in my
lifecoach’s office and this “object persisting in a state of forward motion”
met a compelling force in that black leather chair. The force of all that I was
carrying, all that I was afraid to put words to, all that I was hesitant to
acknowledge broke the emotional dam in my soul and flooded into the room, into
the light. I was stunned by the weight of it – my chest felt heavy, my lungs
burned as I inhaled, suddenly aware that I had been running and functioning,
moving in one constant forward motion with a tremendous burden I was too afraid
to release.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
truth is, as little as I understand about physics, I know that we do not live
in an inertial frame of reference. I know that time and space are never
perfectly balanced and that humanity dwells in a time-dependent manner. I know
that the force compelling me to keep moving forward is also the force that
compels me to go backwards at times. I know that force is <i>fear</i>. Perfectionism, the
driving forward force, is the fruit of fear of man, fear of rejection, fear of
failure, fear of mediocrity, fear of judgment, fear of indifference, fear of
insufficient grace. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
According
to Newton, when the force that compels me in one direction meets another force,
there is always an equal and opposite reaction.
Wikipedia gives the great example of walking – when I push against the
floor, the floor also pushes against my foot in an equal way, allowing me to be
able to walk and not fall through the floor. Again, this is within that perfect
inertial frame of reference – Newton wasn’t thinking about you walking through
a creaky old attic and falling through the floor boards. When it comes to
interacting with people, I can see this law at play. We tend to go through
life, each compelled by a forward force, but we bump up against one another
don’t we? We interact and react with one another, and outside of that inertial
frame of reference, that perfectly simple world, we become reactionary. Your
force of anger might meet my force of fear and I react by fleeing, fighting,
bottling up a burden and continuing in whatever direction you just pushed me.
Your force of need just met my force of fear and I react by giving you all I
can because I’m too afraid to disappoint, so I bottle up that burden and
continue in whatever direction you just pushed me. Your force of fear just met
my source of fear, and we’re both too afraid to call it like we see it so we
continue in whatever direction the other pushed us in. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But
what happens when the force that compels us, that impresses the direction of
our lives changes to something constant despite the ever changing frames of
reference we find ourselves in? What happens in the law of motion when the
force that compels me is not a natural force – when the force is perfectly balanced
and independent of time? What happens when Jesus becomes the compelling,
forward moving force in my life – when he intersects and changes the direction
of my thinking, of my life, in a black leather chair and says “Walk forward
this way. Let the reality of who I am, of the Gospel, be the force that compels
the motion in your life.”? What happens when other people’s forces of need,
fear, anger, dependence all bump against my life – when I can choose to react
to their action or to continue to be compelled forward in the grace of the
Gospel? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because
maybe the Gospel is really described in Newton’s second law – I was going about
my way, in a forward motion compelled by the force of fear (a slave to the
force of sin) until the force of grace, of life, of freedom all found in the
cross of Christ intersected my life and entirely changed its trajectory. While the breadth and depth of the Gospel
cannot be contained in a physics lesson, or in laws of motion, it can be
evidenced. It can be seen. The Gospel was written by a Holy God who receives
the most glory when His people find their satisfaction in a personal
relationship with Him – and in His presence there is complete freedom. Complete
freedom means that I don’t have to continue being compelled and impressed by
natural forces – by slavery to fear or anger or codependence, by my
circumstances or by yours – it means that I don’t have to be the source that
fuels the force of my life. It means that Jesus has forever changed the course
of my life, and with him as the compelling force I don’t have to live
reactionary. It also means that when our lives intersect, the impression of
Christ meets you – the Gospel intersects your life and impacts the direction of
your motion in the life-giving way that my fear never could. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Father be the force
that compels the motion in our lives. That we might not move forward bottling
up burdens that were never meant for us to carry alone but to surrender to You.
Jesus be the impressed force that sends us out into freedom, that when we intersect
the lives of others we do so marked with Your compassion, grace, and wisdom.
Overflow in us that we might overflow into others the life and freedom of the
Gospel. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
all of my love, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a</div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-16456770043751141102014-07-21T21:58:00.001-04:002014-07-21T22:10:55.961-04:00Understanding Grace: Story<div class="MsoNormal">
There are some days when I really miss my O’ma – when grief
hits me like a wave out of nowhere, knocking wind out of my lungs for a few moments
before my brain tells them to inhale again. The girls crocheting in the hallway
at work, sometimes showing me their crooked borders, remind me of lessons in her
living room and my own crooked handiwork. I still can’t knit or crochet with
straight lines…but we can’t be good at everything. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember her reading to me when I was younger, my head
nestled in her lap – <i>Little Women</i>
still looks like a huge book. So many of her books line the shelves in our home
now, I couldn’t throw them away if I tried. I can still spend hours lost in
stories, slightly grieving the end of them at times. O’ma fostered a love of
story within me, maybe without even realizing it. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To be completely honest, I was angry at God when I watched
cancer consume O’ma’s physical body. Angry to see my feisty grandmother losing
such a fight in that stale hospital room, angry to see a Jesus who constantly
heals the sick in Scripture not miraculously rid her body of every distorted
cell. But I know now what I didn’t know then, I understand now what I didn’t
understand then: cancer wasn’t the period that ended O’ma’s
story. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thing about story is that the characters don’t know the
end from the beginning like the author does. They can’t always see the peak
from their valley or the point in their suffering, but somehow in the end they
are not the same. I know now that it is an honor to be invited in to the beauty
and agony of someone’s story. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is tremendous hope knowing that Jesus is “the Author
and Perfecter of my faith” – that in the darkest, loneliest chapters my story
is not finished. Sometimes, especially in valley seasons such as this one,
holding onto hope feels more like I’m white knuckling it with sweaty palms. Sometimes
I forget that the grace of God is the life within my story, that He bore my
curse and earned my blessing, that nothing is wasted, nothing is outside of His
redemption. I know now, more than I did before and less than I will in the
future, that moments of deep rejection, overwhelming grief, and paralyzing fear
are all eclipsed by the grace I’ve found in Christ’s exclamation “It is
finished.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /><!--3-->
It is finished - a glorious invitation to release the burden of trying to write our own stories and dwell in grace.<br />
-a </div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-614200532019273162014-02-07T04:33:00.000-05:002014-02-07T04:33:16.409-05:00Two Cents on Women and the Biggest Loser <div class="MsoNormal">
Can I just be honest and step on my little soapbox for a
moment? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Biggest Loser. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch much of this season, but
I do like keeping up with who wins. The Biggest Loser was a TV show we watched
at home, ironically I watched most of the episodes over bowls of popcorn and
ice cream with my mom. Is the show a bit extreme? Yes. But I don’t believe it’s
ever been unhealthy. The contestants are clearly followed by a medical team
throughout the show, which is more than most people who try to lose weight.
They’re surrounded by knowledgeable professionals whose goal is to teach and
equip them to maintain a balanced lifestyle at home. They aren’t responsible
for the individual’s results – no one can make you lose weight, and losing
weight isn’t as much the goal as becoming a healthier, whole person. As a
Christian, I don’t believe this is possible apart from the love of Jesus – true
transformation doesn’t happen apart from Him. But on the whole, I am a fan of
the show. Provide people an incentive, an opportunity, an education, a support system
and a community – meet them where they are and encourage them from there – and watch
them grow. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been really taken aback by the backlash from the latest
winner, Rachel. I’ll admit, she lost a
bunch of weight and she did look thin on the finale – but I didn’t expect her
to immediately be attacked and shamed for her weight loss. Suddenly, she has
been accused of “going too far,” “having an eating disorder,” and “being a disappointing
example for teen girls.” Seriously, ladies???<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You want to know what’s disappointing. That thousands of
women immediately assume someone with a low BMI has an eating disorder and
unhealthy lifestyle. Equally disappointing is that these same women shame
themselves and others for being too fat. You’re either too fat or too thin, but
never okay, never healthy, never just beautiful. I spent most of my life weighing less than
100 pounds, but I’ve never had an eating disorder. In nursing school I jumped
up in weight and my BMI went from low to overweight, even though I was working
out. Now, I’m back to a normal BMI but my heart and mindset is still relatively
the same. The truth is, I felt insecure at every weight – because the weight
was never the issue. The issue is where my heart is – where my worth lies. I
struggle to accept the body God has given me, with its short, curvy stature as
beautiful and healthy every time bikini season rolls around, every time I step
on the scale, every time I slip into the shower or look in the mirror. You know what doesn’t help? How we are so
quick to judge one another and criticize one another. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I felt fat on my wedding day. I had two oral surgeries
during our engagement and I dropped down to my high school weight. I was frail,
weak and sick from narcotics. It was not pretty; it was not something I
recommend. By the time our wedding rolled around, I was back to my normal
weight which felt “fat”. But I was back to my healthy self. Why is it that we’re so quick to criticize a
woman who wins a weight loss competition but we praise the thousands of starving
brides as a society? Why is it that we can’t encourage each other to be
healthy? To believe and receive the truth of God’s word towards us as His
daughters – that we are beautiful, that we are loved, that we are accepted and
brilliantly crafted with purpose? Why do we have to be so harsh towards each
other? Perpetuating the lie that “if you’re
fat, you must be lazy and unhealthy; if you’re thin then you must struggle with
an eating disorder and be unhealthy.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You want to know what a disappointing example for young
girls looks like – it looks like a bunch of grown women beating each other up with
comparisons and shallow judgments. The
newest Biggest Loser may have gone too far, she may struggle with self-worth
and perfectionism just like I do – but I don’t know that. For all I know, she’s
healthy and balanced and at peace with her body. So I choose to be happy for her, to celebrate
her pursuit of a healthy and balanced lifestyle, and to encourage her to
continue to believe that her self-worth is much greater than the number on the
scale. Because I need to preach the truth of God’s word to myself every time I see a
bikini and a brownie, every time I step on the scale, get in the shower, try on
new clothes, order a hamburger, order a salad, go to the gym, or hear my
husband tell me that I’m beautiful. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The reality is, it’s a struggle every day to choose where I
place my value and self-worth. I’m
pretty sure I’m not the only woman who struggles, so can we just stop with the
criticism and start to encourage one another in truth and love? I mean really,
can we leave the “Mean Girls” behavior back in middle school and high school
and encourage our daughters to be healthy, confident, and secure in who God
says they are?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stepping off the soap box now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
-a<o:p></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-62332165685416124612014-01-23T13:08:00.000-05:002014-01-23T13:08:10.723-05:00An Altar For my sixteenth birthday, Dad wanted to take me on a trip with him, just the two of us. He asked me where I wanted to go - no restrictions (until I said Australia, and then he reigned me in a bit). New York, I told him. So one night after dinner, a dinner in which I had strawberry ice cream for dessert, Dad surprised me with tickets to New York. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I panicked. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Not lying, I turned pale, I threw up my dinner (you never forget throwing up strawberry ice cream), and had a full on, week long, panic attack. I couldn't eat, I lost 10 pounds, I could barely get off the couch. I thought we were going to die in a plane crash or something, I'm not sure why - but so many irrational thoughts overloaded my brain and I stopped functioning. We ended up in New York - I was curled on the bed in the fetal position missing my mom and crying - Dad was wide eyed and at a loss for what to do. I lived off of bagels that first day - it was the only thing I could eat - orange juice and a plain, very crusty bagel from Starbucks. Then Dad introduced me to China town..... </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We spent the rest of our time going to Broadway shows (poor Dad trying to shield my 16 year old eyes and ears for half of them), haggling for lower prices in China town (of which I quickly turned professional), and experiencing Time Square (the thought of that many people is enough to make me anxious even now). It was a great trip, but it was not a great start. And so sums up my reaction to any change or major life event following. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Graduating high school. Starting nursing school. Senior year of nursing school. Graduating college. Moving to Nashville. Getting married. I may not have been debilitated on the couch the day I moved to Nashville or got married, but I was still filled with intense anxiety. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Nearly ten years ago, I couldn't handle change or the thought of change. Today has afforded me a rare moment to look back and see the transformation of that 15-16 year old girl. I still struggle with anxiety, I don't think that tendency will every change or go away - BUT, I find myself more comfortable with the changes life brings. Marriage, buying a house, Ray going back to school, our careers and jobs and dreams all in seemingly uncertain places has provided a steady stream of worries in my daily life... but I am able to get off the couch. By God's grace, He has brought me into a place of great uncertainty with the peace of Christ. Today I am tempted to be anxious, to fear and to be dismayed. That will never go away - I know that - but I don't have to choose to be enslaved to that temptation. Today, I am thankful for God's faithfulness and for his constant and complete provision for my family. I am thankful for His inexhaustible grace and persistent patience. Today, I am choosing to trust Him, to practice resting in His love and sovereignty. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Israel always made altars in the desert to remember God's provision for them. This is a virtual altar for me today. I encourage you to build an altar today - whatever that looks like for you - to be reminded of God's faithful presence in your life. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Stay warm! </div>
<div>
-a </div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-74033999222107808922013-11-21T12:42:00.004-05:002013-11-21T12:42:38.423-05:00My Husband Is Not a Woman and Other Life Lessons of a Newlywed
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth – the past
10 weeks have been such a whirlwind. We got married, went on our honeymoon,
came back and started settling into our tiny new home. I went back to work, Ray
started at a new Home Depot store, we spent our days off huddled up at home,
soaking up the time we had together like thirsty sponges. We went from long
distance and independent lives to being married and cohabitating overnight…and
the transition has been both beautiful and challenging. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We coexisted in a honeymoon bubble – our “cocoon”
for as long as possible, and then we left the bubble and travelled back to
South Carolina. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a weird thing. When the home you grew up in, the place
you’ve always called “home” even though you haven’t lived there in years – no longer
feels the same. It’s weird, when you start a new family and your new family
meets your original family – and everything is new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s different – not necessarily bad, maybe momentarily
disjointed – but marriage changes things. Marriage has changed me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I no longer get to do whatever I want all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t go to South Carolina whenever I want
just because I feel like it – I can’t sleep in the middle of the bed anymore –
and I can’t buy whatever I want just because I want it. I could, but it wouldn’t
benefit my husband or my marriage, therefore, it wouldn’t benefit me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now we get to navigate the waters or
coordinating schedules, budgeting, and kicking each other when we snore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now we watch Blacklist and Die Hard instead
of Scandal or Pride and Prejudice. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
we tag team chores and learn how to build relationships with in-laws, we do
each other’s laundry (for better or worse) and share a bathroom. And with each
passing day of being married, I find myself grappling with a couple of truths: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My insecurity undermines the foundation of our
marriage and my relationship with Jesus. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Marriage is NOT 50/50 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My husband is not a woman <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before we got married I knew that my insecurity and low
sense of self-worth negatively affected my relationships with others, I just
didn’t know to what extent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth
is, I can’t love my husband well when I’m wallowing in insecurity, believing
the lies of culture and Satan, because I am too busy being self-absorbed. Not
only can I not love him well, but I can’t receive his love either. I spend so
much time believing lies (like I’m not enough) that when he speaks truth to me,
“Alex, I love you. I find you beautiful.” I instantly discount it – “Well you
married me, you’re supposed to say things like that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hurts his heart on a level that I’m not
sure I fully realize – but it has made me realize how much God’s heart is for
me, how His heart is hurt when I discount what He says about me, when I choose
to believe the world instead. My husband chose me, loves me, is for me – and he’s
just a human example of God – who chose me, loves me, and is for me. When I
stay in a funk of insecurity, fissures and cracks start to form in my
relationship with Ray and with Jesus – I communicate distrust and unbelief to
both of them, I distance myself from them, I’m selfish towards them, and the
intimacy in both relationships suffers. I’ve never been more acutely aware of
the danger and the bondage of insecurity than I am now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so the baby steps of walking in freedom
start now in the grace of Christ. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Marriage is not 50/50. I’m not sure how many times we were
told this before we got married, and it wasn’t that I didn’t believe those
folks – I just hadn’t experienced it firsthand. Ray does so much around the
house – I’m honestly blessed and probably spoiled. However, the last few weeks
have been crazy for both of us, especially tough being on opposite schedules
the last two weeks. The sink has constantly been full of dishes, the bathroom
sink broke, the dryer broke, the sink broke again, the house was a wreck, the
living room cluttered, and the French press (our beloved source of caffeine)
always full of old coffee grounds. I walked into the kitchen one night before
work and one glance at the full kitchen sink had me instantly frustrated. The
last thing I wanted to do before work was wash dishes, and Ray had been off all
day – why was the kitchen such a mess?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Marriage is not 50/50, Alex. The last thing
you want to do on your days off is to do dishes, too. He needed a day to rest.</i>
Suddenly doing the dishes before work was a joy – because it meant that my
husband could take a break after working so hard all week. There are many
weeks, days, moments when Ray gives much more to our marriage, to me than I do,
and every now and then he lets me do the same for him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My husband is not a woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again, nothing I hadn’t heard before – but hearing and seeing are two
different experiences. He does not want to watch chick flicks; he could care
less about decorating for Christmas, and most of the time he doesn’t care what
we eat for dinner as long as it’s edible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I stared at Christmas stockings for 20 minutes in Target the other day
trying to figure out which ones to get for our first Christmas…he probably
wouldn’t even get stockings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it
comes to signing thank you cards or birthday cards, he probably would just sign
his name whereas I write a novel – in fact, I ordered Christmas cards that he
hasn’t even seen because he honestly has no preference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I want to talk about how I’m feeling,
his general response is a “fix it” saying… when what I catch myself wanting is
what any one of my friends would say – “what’s up?” “Tell me more.” “how so.” Etc.
My husband just wants me to be ok. If I’m worried, he wants to say “We’ll be
fine.” “You got this.” but I need to verbally process, not feel cut off. If I’m
upset, he wants to tell me what I should do while I just want a hug and to
vent. I want him to respond like a woman –but he is not a woman. He’s a man,
and he loves me in a masculine way. It’d be weird if he didn’t. This is not to
say that Ray doesn’t serve me, or love me in a way that I receive it – he would
take me to see a chick flick for my sake, but not as his first choice. And
often times, he listens patiently to me before responding with his thoughts.
But if my expectation is that he responds like one of my girlfriends, we’re in
for a frustrating journey. He’s a dude. He will never be able to fill all of my
needs or wants, including my heart for genuine community with other women.
Likewise for him – he needs time with his friends – he needs football and beer
and all that is testosterone. Honestly, I’m so thankful that Ray loves me the
way that he does – I’m seeing more and more the beauty of the Gospel because
when we love as a couple, we love more completely – and the world gets a better
picture of who God is and how He loves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All my love from Music City, </span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-a </span></o:p></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-8141375620872654032013-07-11T22:22:00.001-04:002013-07-11T22:33:26.462-04:00A Desperate Desert and a Well of Water<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I’ve been reading through Genesis as part of my quiet
time, and I’ve been reading all about Abraham lately. While there’s so much I
could share with you guys about what God’s been teaching me, I want to focus on
something I read today. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, a little background: God shows up in Genesis 12 and
calls this man Abram to leave his home and follow Him. He promises to make
Abram a great nation, to bless him and make his name great, and even promises
that Abram would be a blessing to others. God promises to bless those who
blessed Abram and curse those who cursed him…”and in you (Abram) all the
families of the earth shall be blessed.” (Genesis 12:1-3, KNJV). So Abram leaves
his home and follows God, but let it be known that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">He was childless. His wife Sarai was barren and they were old.</b>
Biologically speaking, the time for popping out babies was over. So where was
this nation going to come from? Sarai decides that the only way for Abram to
have a kid, a future heir, is to give him her handmaiden Hagar (a common
practice for that time and culture, but still a bit screwed up). So Abram and
Hager have a son together named Ishmael.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Before Ishmael is born, Hagar runs away from Sarai (they had a little
tension), but God appears to her and calls her back to Sarai and Abram. In
Genesis 16:13 says, “Then she (Hagar) called the name of the LORD who spoke to
her, “You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees”; for she said, “Have I also here seen Him who
sees me?””<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hagar goes back to Abram and
Sarai, and God shows up and makes a covenant to Abram – changes his name to
Abraham and Sarai’s name to Sarah – and promises Abraham and Sarah a son of
their own – Isaac, the son of the promise, the son of the covenant – through which
the Hebrew nation would be born. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sarah
laughs at God when she hears this – because again, the baby making days were
long gone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Genesis 21 begins… “And the LORD (Yahweh) visited Sarah as
He said, and the LORD did for Sarah as He had spoken. For Sarah conceived and
bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to
him.” (v1-2). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can we just sit in that for a second<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">? The LORD not only makes promises, He keeps them…and He doesn’t just
fulfill His promises, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">He fulfills them at
the set time.</i></b> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Moving on: When Isaac is weaned, Abraham throws a huge
feast, and Sarah happens to catch Ishmael (now about 13, if I’m doing my math correctly)
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">scoffing</i> (what teen doesn’t scoff,
right?) and tells Abraham to cast out Hagar and Ishmael. This distresses
Abraham, because Ishmael is his son too! But God shows up and tells Abraham to
heed the voice of his wife Sarah, indicating that He will take care of Ishmael
as well. So Abraham obeys God again, and gives Hagar some bread and water and
sends her and Ishmael away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They wonder
in the wilderness and eventually run out of water. Hagar hides Ishmael under
some bushes and walks away – “for she said to herself, ‘Let me not see the
death of the boy.’ So she sat opposite him, and lifted her voice and wept (Genesis
21:16).”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s where it gets good: “And God heard the voice of the
lad. Then, the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said to her, ‘What
ails you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is.
Arise, lift up the lad and hold him with your hand, for I will make him a great
nation. Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and
filled the skin with water, and gave the lad a drink. So God was with the lad;
and he grew and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer. He dwelt in the
wilderness of Paran; and his mother took a wife for him from the land in Egypt
(Genesis 21:17-21). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Few things that stood out to me: </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hagar had already seen God show up in her life –
“You are the God who sees me.” She had already been given a promise by God that
He would take care of Ishmael as well. And yet, at the end of her rope and what
she thought was their lives, she speaks to herself. She weeps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when God shows up, He doesn’t say that it
was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">her</i> voice He heard, but Ishmael’s.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">God
hears us and shows up. He heard Ishmael <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">where
he was</b> and met Hagar and Ishmael <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">in
the middle of their desert, where they were, as they were – hopeless, weeping,
fearful, and what they thought was near death.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">God addresses Hagar by name <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">– He recognizes her agony and encourages her not to fear. He is
personal – He sees her and speaks hope into her seemingly hopeless situation.</b>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God opens her eyes</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Hagar’s desperation, in the middle of the
desert she found herself in, God opens her eyes to see a well of water<strong>.</strong><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><strong> </strong>When Hagar's resources had run out, God opened her eyes to His provision.<strong>
</strong></span><strong>When all Hagar saw was a desert – was pending death –God shows up and
shows her a well of water – He provides life-giving, sustaining, replenishing,
refreshing water. </strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God was
with Ishmael</b> – and while His covenant with Abraham was fulfilled through
Isaac, He kept His promise to Hagar. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">He
keeps His word. He is present with us.</b> The same God who showed up and
visited Sarah, fulfilling His promise to Abraham and Sarah through Isaac, is
the same God who showed up in the lives of Hagar and Ishmael. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure where this hits you, if it hits you at all, but
maybe you just need to know that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God
sees you</b>. He knows you’re name, He hears you where you are, and He will
meet you there. Maybe you’ve never heard that truth, or maybe (like me) you
need to be reminded that you are known, heard, and seen by God Most High. Maybe
you need God to open your eyes to see a well of water in the middle of your
desert – maybe you’re at the end of your rope, or you’re in a low place and you
just need life-giving and life-sustaining refreshment. Maybe you’re just
struggling to see what God sees as God sees, like me, and you just need Him to
open your eyes, to renew your vision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Maybe you've exhausted all of your resources, options, and wisdom and you just need new eyes to see His faithful and full provision. </span>I
believe He will open our eyes, all we need to do is ask in faith<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">. In the middle of our lowest, darkest, driest and barren places – the living
God meets us there</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you need
to hear <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">that God is present</b>. He
doesn’t just see you – He stays with you. His heart is for you – He loves you
completely and constantly, and no matter where you are, in whatever season, He
is with you. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">You are not alone in the desert,
and you are not outside of the grace of God</b>. Maybe you just need to be
reminded that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God keeps His word</b> –
He is trustworthy. He is for your good, and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">at the set time</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">He will show
up and provide for you. </b>Like it was in Sarah’s situation, it might not look
like what you think – she acted in her own wisdom with suggesting Abraham have
a baby with Hagar. However, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God redeems
all things</b>. He makes all things beautiful.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">lots of love, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">a</span></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-72123721690810291212013-07-03T19:03:00.001-04:002013-07-03T19:03:14.364-04:00Postdate: Winter
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I</span>’ve had a few things written in my journal that I’ve wanted
to post and haven’t taken advantage of my free time to type them out. This
particular post is from this winter, and there will probably be a few more
postdates to follow. It’s been such a good reminder to read back over the last
year of my life in paper, to see God’s faithfulness in spite of my forgetfulness,
to relearn lessons from a different perspective, to see God’s goodness and His
hand in my life with renewed vision. Here it goes, and like always, it’s long: <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This past week has
proven more than any other time that I am in fact an introvert. A friend has
been crashing my house and I’ve worked overtime this week. I feel exhausted.
The thought of interacting with people makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious at
the moment. Ironically, I find myself at The Well, a coffee shop teeming with
people. Even now I feel mildly overstimulated. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Having someone live
with me for the past few days has taught me a few things: <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am introverted. I need my slow mornings
alone with no one else up or present. I need uninterrupted time with Jesus privately.
I need time to myself in the mornings or else I feel off center after a while,
irritable and stressed. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am independent. Someone else cooking and
cleaning has become foreign to me. Things are done differently. Maybe I have a
mild case of OCD, but I’ve learned/am learning to appreciate the help and
company. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My house, resources and I are all avenues
for ministry. Jesus can use a couch, a cup of tea, and reruns of favorite TV
shows maybe just as well to replenish and nourish a soul as a church service or
bible study…at least, I think He can. I hope He can. I hope more than ever that
she has found a place of encouragement here, that she has been ministered to
and blessed during her stay…Not because of me, but maybe Jesus moving in me. I
hope He is. I hope it’s His house, His couch, His resources and Himself doing
the work. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am selfish and prone to gossip. Being an
introvert is fine, but being selfish is not. Venting can be healthy to unleash,
but gossip is never ever beneficial or right. As a human and as a woman, I am
prone to both. I am used to having my own space, and no one to consider outside
of myself in that space. My mornings and life have routines that don’t include
other things or people. So having someone new in that space coexisting with
their own routines colliding with yours is a rude awakening. My couch where I
have my quiet times in the morning, where I watch TV at night, is now someone
else’s bed. My bathroom, which I normally have to myself, is now being shared
when I’m typically most in need of space to myself. All at once, I’m suddenly irritated
that someone is in my shower, or that someone else is awake, or that I tiptoe
around my apartment trying not to wake another soul. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Another soul. </i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How
selfish of me to be so stingy with my space – to be so stuck in routine that I
miss the reality that this other person is not just a body but a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">soul</b>. Not just another form of matter
taking up space, but a child of God – a reflection of Him, a treasure who has
done nothing wrong at all, who does not deserve irritation or frustration at
all. They deserve nothing but love, compassion, and grace. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It would be revolutionary if I could see as Jesus sees.</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In Mark 6 you see
Jesus send out the 12 disciples 2 by 2 to do ministry. When they get back in
v30 and tell Him all about what happened, Jesus calls them to come away to a
deserted place and “rest a while” (v31). <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">BUT</b>
starts v32, as a “multitude” follows them and arrive before them. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Can you imagine the disciples first
thoughts as they pull the boat up to shore and see thousands of people
clamoring for attention, hungry for healing? </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can imagine mine would be far from pretty or
loving or kind. Yet Jesus’ response? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“And Jesus, when he came out, saw a great multitude <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">and was moved with compassion for them,</b>
because they were like sheep not having a shepherd. So He began to teach them
many things.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 9;"> </span>-Mark
6:34 NKJ</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The disciples don’t
utter a recorded word until later in the day. They wanted Jesus to send the
people away to get food with their own resources. When challenged to meet their
(the multitude’s) need, the disciples cried out in disbelief, thinking
monetarily (or “practically”). Jesus points them to the resources they already
have and tells them to bring them to Him. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s a quote my
friend Anne shared with me once, I have it tacked to my bulletin board at home.
It references the lesson of the loaves: <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Human resources, no
matter how limited, when willingly given and divinely inspired are more than
enough to accomplish divine goals.” – S.Briscoe<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wonder what the
difference was between Jesus’ and the disciples’ vision in this circumstance? I
think Jesus was equally fatigued – later you see Him withdrawing by Himself to
pray. I think the disciples see their fatigue, the overwhelming crowd and their
limited resources. I think Jesus saw with compassion. He saw past His fatigue
and saw individuals without a Savior. He saw that limited resources were
unleashed in the limitless power of God. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You know the end of
the story – Jesus feeds over 5,000 people and has only 5 loaves and 2 fish to
start with. He gathers 12 basketfuls of leftovers, conveniently the same number
of disciples. Later, in v52, Mark lets us know that the disciples were a bit
daft: ”</i>For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart
was hardened.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How many times have I
heard this story and my heart been hardened? I pray it’s soft now…soft enough
for the lesson of the loaves to sink deep into my heart and take root. That I
would learn to see as Jesus sees: </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That in my fatigue and
exhaustion and burnout He is my Sustainer, my Rest, my Supply and Shield</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That in my limited self He is
limitless</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That He provides what I need
before I’m aware of my need, and that when I place it back into His hands it
meets and exceeds the needs of the multitude. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That compassion drives the
direction of my actions. Jesus’ response to the multitude flowed out of His
compassion for them. I can’t begin to minister to others until I have
compassion for myself and for others. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<em><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></em> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Compassion for myself
sounds selfish, but it’s true, I think. If I can’t accept the ugliest parts of
me with compassion then I’ll never see myself as Jesus sees me. I’ll never be
driven to the Shepherd until I see my lack of and need for Him…and I’ll never
come to Him (for fear of punishment) if I don’t believe He sees me with
compassion. Furthermore, I’ll never walk in genuine compassion until I’ve
experienced His personally and practice it in my life towards myself and
others. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">This is not justifying sin, but
embracing God’s grace for me in Jesus. </b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I begin to see
others with compassion, it’s a sign that I’ve experienced life with the
Shepherd and want that for others. I no longer see them with the harshness I
once viewed myself with because I am not far removed from where they are. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I was a sheep without a shepherd, but now I
am home in His love. My resources are in His hands and all things are possible.</b>
I know longer need to worry on <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">how</b>
He’ll provide rest or meet my needs, I can trust that He will and walk with Him
– an instrument of His to love, to teach, and to feed the multitude. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">God created me as an introvert. </i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">He knows that I like quiet mornings and that I need time alone to
replenish. However, in my selfishness I have missed opportunities to have
compassion on others. I’ve seen my fatigue, my exhaustion and irritability, and
my lack <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">outside</b> of His hands. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">If I could learn to place all of me, even
the most exhausted, grossest, ugliest self into His compassionate hands, maybe
multitudes would encounter the Good Shepherd. Maybe they would see His power
and faithfulness in my incredible weakness. <o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">love, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<em><span style="font-family: Calibri;">a</span></em></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></i></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-90737339282460052282013-06-23T23:52:00.001-04:002013-06-23T23:52:47.971-04:00Jesus is Faithful. <span style="font-family: Calibri;">My goodness! Has it really been since February?! So quick update: I’m engaged! I have no wisdom teeth or
tonsils anymore. I am still alive. I'll commence with a more detailed update: </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The past few months have every right to be labeled as “bad”
– there has been a lot of goodness, a lot of joy, a lot of fun – but overall,
life has been one frustrating, exhausting, difficult, thing after the next – I
feel like I have been continuously pounded by the ocean during a storm.
Surgeries, unforeseen expenses, incorrect bills, infection and delayed healing,
intense and continuous pain, loss of physical energy, adverse reactions to
medication including (but not limited to) some pretty rough depression, silly
and not so silly arguments with my fiancé and family, and worst of all –
feeling divorced and disconnected from Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I am not centered in Christ – my world spins quite frankly
southward. Poor Ray was one of the few first-hand witnesses to this reality –
how do you tell such a God-loving, Jesus-centered man that you probably aren’t
where he thinks you are – that you’re struggling, gasping for air, clawing for
any sort of grasp, hoping just to hear or feel or see a glimpse of God’s
presence and the Spirit’s fruit in your life? <strong>I walked around a practical
atheist – anxiously independent.</strong> I would mechanically spend a few minutes in
the bible each morning, with the hope of connection, and lay in bed at night
wondering if those few minutes had any impact on my day. I felt like a massive
failure – a hypocrite – a Pharisee. It didn’t matter the prayer I prayed on my
way to work, I left Jesus in the car. Every frustration, every obstacle – I
neither invited His help nor acknowledged His sovereign presence –<strong> I acted as
though He didn’t exist</strong>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know it’s bad
for others when you don’t even like yourself, and I really didn’t like me – I
frustrated the hell out of myself. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I began to pray feebly, and without very much faith, for God
to show up. I prayed more honestly. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I see
no fruit in my life </i>– <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that’s not good</i>,
I confessed<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, I say I believe you but act
otherwise and I’m tired. I see people experiencing and walking with you – it’s
evident that they’ve encountered you, they’ve been changed. I feel dead and
rotten inside, and I can’t clean it up. I need you.”</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I need
you</b> has become the one consistent confession and invitation lately as I’ve
seen God open my eyes to see His faithful presence, His gracious provision, His
wise sovereignty, His<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>complete <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">goodness.</i> You see, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">He is always present, always gracious, always faithful, always wise,
always sovereign, always good, always perfect, always Holy, always loving, and
always true</b> because He alone is presence, grace, faithfulness, wisdom,
sovereignty, goodness, perfection, holiness, love and truth personified. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let me open it up practically for you, because this has not
been an easy or fast journey, and I have not arrived, but I know <strong>He who called
me is faithful</strong> (1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> Thessalonians 5:16-24). I’m thankful that He is
so patient with me, a slow and stubborn learner. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The incorrect bills from the dentist – I burst into tears
with the first bill. After the complications and the post op appointments, the
missed work, and weeks of pain, I angrily vented to Ray over the phone through
tears. In the back of my mind, I heard a soft voice whisper that ever familiar
reminder <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I am in control, I will provide
for you, </i>but I chose anger, anxiety, and bitterness instead of trust. Sure
enough, the bills were in error and easily taken care of. So I thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other night I ordered my favorite pizza from Mellow
Mushroom (with gfree crust!) with money I did not have to indulge my unhealthy
craving. This meant that I would have to pick up the pizza before going home. I
left work, realizing with a little anxiety that parking may be an issue picking
up the pizza, and felt a few rain drops – then watched with growing anxiety as
rain drop after rain drop hit the windshield of the bus. I had made a rather
impulsive purchase <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(the kind when you
spend “your money” without really consulting Jesus because you behave like an
entitled owner instead of a wise steward - a later post)</i>, and the package had arrived in
the mail earlier while I was at work. While I would normally enjoy the rain, I
knew that I couldn’t return the purchase if it was ruined and wet. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Jesus, would you hold off the rain please?
I was wrong to have such a spirit of entitlement, to forget that “my money” is
really yours. </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I drove to pick up my
pizza, found easy parking, and never even had to wait. I ran back to my car,
the rain kept picking up, and I was still full of quiet tension (nothing more
than suppressed anxiety).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sprinted
home just to find that it had not rained there yet and the UPS man had wrapped
the box in a plastic bag. I had to laugh – after all of the major things the
Lord has taken care of in my life, especially the past few months, I had still
freaked out about silly things like parking, rain, and replaceable contents in
cardboard boxes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then opened my mail
to find another outrageously incorrect and expensive dentist bill remaining
from my wisdom teeth extraction. Seriously?! While I wasn’t as mad as before, I
was still nervous that it wasn’t a mistake and I might have to pay for it. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">He had just answered my prayers, though
small and insignificant ones for a parking place, no rain, and a dry shoe box, yet
I missed the joy of it because I had my eyes fixed on a future problem I had no
control over. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>I had to stop myself –
really, Alex? My immediate and natural response is to go to worry – but Jesus
had continuously proven Himself faithful over and over again in the big and
small aspects of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>The very
moment I start to pat myself on the back for “growing” and “trusting” is the
very moment He graciously reminds me it’s all Him. I don't mean that in a malicious way, He simply reminds me to check the focus of my vision. Things like the dentist bill
were another way to show Himself faithful and sovereign, and another
opportunity for me to trust that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">He is
first and always a loving Father</i> (Linda Dillow,<em> Calm My Anxious Heart</em>). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>I am exhausted, but I am excited</strong>. I don’t welcome seasons of
one-thing-after-another pounding, but I doubt that I’ve ever been more aware of
God’s consistent provision and grace in any other season as I have been in this
one. I know that I’m not the only one who has been in rough seasons like this
one, it’s honestly becoming more real life than a fleeting season, but I wanted
to be honest and share the hope of Jesus amidst the craziness of everyday life,
significant life change, and physical weakness/recovery. Wherever you find
yourself, it is not haphazard, it is not unplanned or unwisely initiated – <strong>you are
never far from the presence and grace of God</strong>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some may point out that tough seasons are
consequences of sin and dumb decisions, and that may be true, but God is still
sovereign and near to the brokenhearted. He encourages us to draw near to Him,
promising that He will draw near to us (James 4:8). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At His core, He is a loving and good Father –
something most of us cringe and recoil at hearing because we have a frame of
reference for fallen, absent and/or even abusive human fathers –it is
nonetheless true. <strong>There is purpose and intent in whatever season you are in</strong>,
friend, and God wastes nothing. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God redeems
all things and never wastes anything. </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Invite Him into your season, your day, your
moments, trusting with joyful expectation that He is for your good (even if it
looks differently from what you think). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">all my love, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">a </span></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-75876195377220735712013-02-11T18:24:00.006-05:002013-02-11T18:24:59.062-05:00A long overdue update <span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;">I
decided to venture out today and try a different coffee shop to visit. I’m
currently tucked in at a corner table in The Well and highly recommend you put
it on your bucket list of Nashville. It’s a non-profit coffee shop that is
aimed at raising funds and awareness for the oppressed. I can’t comment on the
coffee yet, but the gluten-free apple muffin and their hot tea is very tasty </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;">December
was busy and I was severely homesick. Ray’s family came and we celebrated
Christmas a couple days before the actual holiday with them. I was so taken
aback by their generosity. Rachel made gluten free alternatives so I could eat
the same deliciousness they did and his parents were incredibly generous
towards me. I then proceeded to work Christmas Eve, Christmas and the day
following – and I definitely had a spontaneous purchase in the form of a plane
ticket home during my lunch break that 3<sup>rd</sup> shift. Hannah picked me
up from the airport and took me home and we surprised my parents!! I got to
spend a couple wonderful days with them just relaxing at home before heading
back to Nashville. I needed the refresher so badly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;">January
was an interesting month for me. I’ve been struggling with pride, complacency
and apathy for a few weeks and it culminated on an afternoon run early in January.
I had taken a good amount of time off from running and decided I needed to get
my butt up off the couch and get moving. My first run back was rough, so I
determined that my second run that week would be a little longer. I typically
run in my neighborhood on afternoons that I’m off – it’s my time to enjoy the
sunshine and get some fresh air – it’s also the safest time of the day to run.
On this particular day it was warm – above 60 and cloudy, the air was sticky
and it felt like home. I never anticipated that on this run, on this day, my
safe and independent bubble would come crashing down as a man jumped out of his
car, chased me and grabbed me. There’s a moment where clarity and chaos exist,
and I’ve been there. In a split second I realized that everything I was afraid
of was about to happen, and yet I wasn’t sure how it was going to happen. It’s
not a good moment. By God’s grace and His protection, I am unharmed physically.
The police and detectives have been the greatest blessing in all of this. By
God’s grace, the man responsible was found and made a full confession, and
hopefully there will be just consequences. But how does this help my struggle
with pride? <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;">I
am a very independent person; at least I think I am. I hate being out of
control, I hate feeling vulnerable and helpless. I hate being dependent. It
doesn’t sit well with me. I get fidgety and restless – like “what do I do?” and
I’m just not good at it. In that moment I felt completely vulnerable and
helpless. I’m not a big person… if someone wants to pick me up and take me
somewhere it’s not that hard. I can make it hard, but it’s doable, ya know? But
I like to think that I’m bigger and tougher than I am, that I’m untouchable…
but I’m not. Nothing I did or didn’t do on that run could’ve prevented another
outcome - I was completely out of control. It’s a terrifying realization to
realize that only God Himself protected me and I hadn’t even acknowledged His
presence! It was humbling – the reality of His faithfulness and His presence
even though I had complacently blown Him off. Even more gracious – the timing
coordinated with family and friends having already planned to come visit
starting that night. I tend to suppress emotions and process verbally.
Intellectually, I felt completely crazy and irrational – I was “fine” and “nothing
happened.” In reality, I have not been fine and something did happen. So in an
effort to not suppress my emotions, I’ve been trying to voice them – and they
aren’t pretty – but maybe they’re coming out. Car doors would shut behind me
and I would jump. A woman walked into work behind me and something in her
pocket jingled the same way his had and I jumped. Every car that was the same
size and color made my heart drop. The nights that followed were full of
anxiety and panic and anger. My first night by myself was terrible, and the second
I flat out just cried before falling asleep. The third I realized that I couldn’t
be anxious and thankful at the same time… and so I began to thank the Lord for
what He had done instead of choosing to worry over what could have happened. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;">I’ve
been reading through Daniel and there’s been a theme in the first 5 chapters of
God’s sovereignty. You frequently read phrases like, “so that you’ll know that
the Most High God rules in the kingdom of men and gives it to whomever He
chooses.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God’s intent in dealing with
the Kings of Babylon is to bring them a place where they humbly realize that He
is ultimately Lord. This culminates for me in Chapter 5 when He’s talking
through Daniel to Belshazzar. Belshazzar failed to learn from the mistakes of
his grandfather Nebuchadnezzar and committed a grossly blasphemous act (even
according to his pagan culture). God responds and in verse 23 He reminds the
king: “…And you have praised the gods of silver and gold, bronze and iron, wood
and stone, which do not see or hear or know; <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">and the God who holds your breath in His hand and owns all your ways
you have not glorified.” </b>I read that verse a while ago, but keep coming
back to it. How often do I pour my worship out on myself, on other people, and
on other things and activities instead of the living God? And how frequently do
I operate under this belief that I’m in charge of my life? That I have control?
Forgetting the whole time that God holds my breath and owns all of my ways?
That He alone deserves my worship, that no one can sustain the weight of my
worship but Him? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;">Remember
when I said that it was terrifying to realize that God alone is in control? I
meant it. I was terrified because I didn’t trust His heart towards me. Yes, He
had protected me, but I waited for another boom to drop. I didn’t believe that
He was for me, that He loved me, and that He always works for my best… I was
operating under this assumption that God loves as I “love.” I knew the
grossness of my heart, and how could anyone love me when I was so messed up?
The beautifully comforting thing is that God alone is in control. He is holy,
and so every thought, plan, intention towards me that comes from Him is holy –
it is perfect. He loves me with a perfect love, and the grace and goodness of
the Gospel is that He sees me covered in the righteousness of Jesus. Whatever
happens to me, whether it’s a consequence of my sins or choosing, or of someone
else’s, He is able to redeem and make beautiful. I’m still learning this… it is
very much the lesson of my life – learning how to trust God – that He is who He
says He is, and that I am who He says I am. In my learning, I am able to say
that He is good and patient with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;">I
went for my first run last week with Adrien. I still felt jumpy when car doors
would shut or cars would drive past me. I’m still angry that I haven’t been
able to run in a spirit of safety. However, I am thankful; thankful for friends
to run with, and thankful for the faithfulness of Jesus. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p>Lots of love, </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Typewriter"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p>a</o:p></span></div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-69412661531993371562012-12-11T21:57:00.001-05:002012-12-11T21:57:30.599-05:00Tales from a Traveling Woman
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What a whirlwind my life has
been for the past month! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friends Pete and Sarah got
hitched!!! We drove, yes – <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">drove</b> to
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware for the super sweet and fun affair! The bride was
stunning, as always, and Pete really delivered one of the best expressions when
he saw her walk down the aisle (that’s my favorite moment of a wedding). Here
are some pictures of the fun: <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwnDs8G83-MjOFYeq0tPj3ONCaeaSzom2uB_zWK_7KURoLzMCYaPLpVEvpMw9vuXGFyMKoAe1ulPgJcgmpWdNA8QbxAgByzKeehg1_YIlxYcqyTe_XmqQ4uY388giF8gyjAjhD_Zx9hcg/s1600/14258_10151193724694471_2052444001_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwnDs8G83-MjOFYeq0tPj3ONCaeaSzom2uB_zWK_7KURoLzMCYaPLpVEvpMw9vuXGFyMKoAe1ulPgJcgmpWdNA8QbxAgByzKeehg1_YIlxYcqyTe_XmqQ4uY388giF8gyjAjhD_Zx9hcg/s320/14258_10151193724694471_2052444001_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimEcSiwOS55lts6Sc5ETndkMOCumNsN0wo1T1uakSKgcyjQHHDvGR4dv1XJ9GovzqMskvAo9Z-3Wdex8DLB-Dv4aN7hjZ4acc12MTx2-PgB0A_3uXlopHwxnBbGkcvdal9SKaRchb67ms/s1600/189724_10101307477865733_141254322_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimEcSiwOS55lts6Sc5ETndkMOCumNsN0wo1T1uakSKgcyjQHHDvGR4dv1XJ9GovzqMskvAo9Z-3Wdex8DLB-Dv4aN7hjZ4acc12MTx2-PgB0A_3uXlopHwxnBbGkcvdal9SKaRchb67ms/s320/189724_10101307477865733_141254322_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdR_7FRVhu2BqXrjMRLFHZ9ZZBG2StBTrySS2hhUMdnQFFs4CDbyvQ0uOjr0U11qoK27x7LARKZ6Q1TVSKVwbEUifrABIWib6vcqr_V_zyjZfWh22oNoeB0XyTFtM4ItAOXnFZ4erDWZo/s1600/374053_10151193733509471_1082615282_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdR_7FRVhu2BqXrjMRLFHZ9ZZBG2StBTrySS2hhUMdnQFFs4CDbyvQ0uOjr0U11qoK27x7LARKZ6Q1TVSKVwbEUifrABIWib6vcqr_V_zyjZfWh22oNoeB0XyTFtM4ItAOXnFZ4erDWZo/s320/374053_10151193733509471_1082615282_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbenty6jeeFPJqpN5Gqb-1AYFQpz8bohgfYPHZVPf2OgsF2rAMY2UIQtVQdQEdC7_CG6LDLvupYlTqX1RFk0cy2RNDLV1Olm9E1wKEbdthWEoIOh4V2qNy5cghoomXDK1Mn9Z5smp0ysw/s1600/644141_332036583562134_2121212316_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbenty6jeeFPJqpN5Gqb-1AYFQpz8bohgfYPHZVPf2OgsF2rAMY2UIQtVQdQEdC7_CG6LDLvupYlTqX1RFk0cy2RNDLV1Olm9E1wKEbdthWEoIOh4V2qNy5cghoomXDK1Mn9Z5smp0ysw/s320/644141_332036583562134_2121212316_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After Delaware, I worked for
a weekend. All of my days are mixed up because I’m so used to working
Saturdays! Now that I’ve switched over to working more weekdays, my poor mind
thinks every time I clock in it’s a Friday or Saturday. We are busting at the
seams lately! I can’t complain though – my patients have been incredibly sweet
and I do have the best coworkers. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next up was Thanksgiving! Ray
and I headed to Carrollton where he met nearly my ENTIRE family! Not
overwhelming for him at all </span></span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
He fit right in and it was such a blessing to get some sweet family time. I
have missed, missed, missed my family! Katie Beth still reigns in our annual
pull-up competition, poor Carlton will beat her one year (he hopes). There’s a
reason why Thanksgiving is my favorite time of the year – all of the people
that I adore, sharing delicious comfort food, laughing and experiencing good
quality time with each other. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3hVFxDafcUx2i6lYzLgbUID3YJJrVs7oXl0iEeXj7YC1P6OgS0T4qPQa_N15rqdegvo0f4u66kreqITRLfkPkmDGMZOgQcuyfgHKspwXye1VjHqXmgaQu_UwtDDWTcmpH5XJyhyt4A64/s1600/31633_10151106889201968_296872376_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3hVFxDafcUx2i6lYzLgbUID3YJJrVs7oXl0iEeXj7YC1P6OgS0T4qPQa_N15rqdegvo0f4u66kreqITRLfkPkmDGMZOgQcuyfgHKspwXye1VjHqXmgaQu_UwtDDWTcmpH5XJyhyt4A64/s320/31633_10151106889201968_296872376_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Aunt Christa, Ray and I on the beloved porch swing </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijZHg9Aw_ynNhif4LYf7oFoIcgjgwdlimKy-jnJvM_YHlnexeRciSHlgJwC_vZMcZE-pj-qlEigjS_sFjLk2X_Lj2OVn0bPBIAwNqPBJbXqM-qzbjji3Mm-oD1l4Kt6UXPHDtaa5j1AzM/s1600/215827_10151106889281968_415024460_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijZHg9Aw_ynNhif4LYf7oFoIcgjgwdlimKy-jnJvM_YHlnexeRciSHlgJwC_vZMcZE-pj-qlEigjS_sFjLk2X_Lj2OVn0bPBIAwNqPBJbXqM-qzbjji3Mm-oD1l4Kt6UXPHDtaa5j1AzM/s320/215827_10151106889281968_415024460_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My beautiful, beloved cousin Blake </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhDJfyMmov0XOKioW8dz-_4ejF0Gp0R4N2VxYq_VRdIvAl1BFHo8utK1eLlb676oJZlfnAtFCjGcsZjesSKSMBh64NhdLxsTduzdgDkICTTT5pEKYwbWPgCy-ncnLoz2nNkI79oWNqsw/s1600/311134_10151106889161968_1866330929_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhDJfyMmov0XOKioW8dz-_4ejF0Gp0R4N2VxYq_VRdIvAl1BFHo8utK1eLlb676oJZlfnAtFCjGcsZjesSKSMBh64NhdLxsTduzdgDkICTTT5pEKYwbWPgCy-ncnLoz2nNkI79oWNqsw/s320/311134_10151106889161968_1866330929_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He is such a stud! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgzcpGMi3B5xmG9rfPQuJiOl0Jl4DgWBbMWQzXMpluGoNhuUV-xDcr0-giws9tbdFvzX7X4m1QEbhDO-bp4ecDzDZfRitK5YoQKbP7-vaZ7qGKA9GipiXQ7lvTDRUr8sl6kaa8xGSC3Lg/s1600/315774_10151106892491968_812740550_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgzcpGMi3B5xmG9rfPQuJiOl0Jl4DgWBbMWQzXMpluGoNhuUV-xDcr0-giws9tbdFvzX7X4m1QEbhDO-bp4ecDzDZfRitK5YoQKbP7-vaZ7qGKA9GipiXQ7lvTDRUr8sl6kaa8xGSC3Lg/s320/315774_10151106892491968_812740550_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The Corley crew </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipt8WqPYWU5Qd5uSpaJ4H-O01BCBcAkya80l6Dkj_cqDVrsI-wUGK7_IJTADgPMZSAB4YCzBURXQFTvflPYK6krsd2aYAPwbbMIDsRGDpYSHVfWvMvzpKlIXrJ6q8lvjT4rQKvTyBS07c/s1600/486338_10151106888966968_325058555_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipt8WqPYWU5Qd5uSpaJ4H-O01BCBcAkya80l6Dkj_cqDVrsI-wUGK7_IJTADgPMZSAB4YCzBURXQFTvflPYK6krsd2aYAPwbbMIDsRGDpYSHVfWvMvzpKlIXrJ6q8lvjT4rQKvTyBS07c/s320/486338_10151106888966968_325058555_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He makes me laugh like no other</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiepPjm2jsdKyMFo-OWSXfTRtMi9ycyBSIgBD_FCzeLC7zyNQ-SUV1CACL2EGsmyVOZpIuPO0YjwfVWLcDUfrHgvveToZfa-xnqfNlGl8qMWdDfO1oeRmPxvFPk1x6nPXIHRy0M9FkX7xU/s1600/546789_10151106889596968_1268860851_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiepPjm2jsdKyMFo-OWSXfTRtMi9ycyBSIgBD_FCzeLC7zyNQ-SUV1CACL2EGsmyVOZpIuPO0YjwfVWLcDUfrHgvveToZfa-xnqfNlGl8qMWdDfO1oeRmPxvFPk1x6nPXIHRy0M9FkX7xU/s320/546789_10151106889596968_1268860851_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We are quite the group! </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After Thanksgiving, with some work in the middle, we headed off again to Ohio to spend the weekend with Ray’s family. Rachel made us some awesome packed lunches and we made some great timing. Driving over the hill and seeing the Cincinnati skyline at night was pretty awesome. Ray’s mom made me a stocking with my name on it! I felt so loved being included in one of their family traditions. Ray’s been stuffing it throughout December and it’s so tempting to peak into it! We ran our four miles Saturday morning – all four of us ran the whole time </span></span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> We hit up Jungle Jim’s and the outlet malls with Ray’s dad – I stocked up on fun chocolate bars and my favorite French mustard all the way from Meaux. I got to experience Lebanon’s Christmas parade – so many cute miniature horses were there. I tried (unsuccessfully) to convince Ray to get one of them instead of puppy. We closed up the night with two movies and popcorn (Ray’s dad makes it and it is soo tasty!) – I maybe fell asleep halfway through both movies…</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2wmSVRogRt2XLQ1DY5Y-hptwEPyA60wea5ZOEcpuqXhjTAg0ZGE-2521uKeoslaS5jXj9V8kBFnB1VCaa35A4ZeX5y_yzIv3PDMLzOy-TVGbnbjvedzFUXrjf3D-g2PQZaw7c8StrzSE/s1600/76731_4512732929338_419277732_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2wmSVRogRt2XLQ1DY5Y-hptwEPyA60wea5ZOEcpuqXhjTAg0ZGE-2521uKeoslaS5jXj9V8kBFnB1VCaa35A4ZeX5y_yzIv3PDMLzOy-TVGbnbjvedzFUXrjf3D-g2PQZaw7c8StrzSE/s1600/76731_4512732929338_419277732_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Hanging out at the parade </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This past Saturday was our Christmas party. I am so blessed by the friends God has given me here in this city. It was so great to see everyone at one time, and we doubled in number this year! Adrien did an incredible job hosting us – really, she outdid herself! We stuffed ourselves with some awesome food, had a fun gift exchange, and closed out the night with a Christmas movie. There’s something about gathering around a table with your friends, knowing the changes that have taken place in everyone’s lives the past year that just reminds you of God’s faithfulness. He is faithful. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwIZyKGdR7SeRoJFZtBrTOK47VFd5jSf1cBbhL708ppNE7zNXC8HGzcORdXwGof_Ob2zYdG0t1pXqYW7iBNG9hA54IOOj9VJMkwSxd13nVKdTQdh9jvPmseIu7vEyJvrB2mfNcAMNY1n8/s1600/577912_10151233931014471_707130191_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwIZyKGdR7SeRoJFZtBrTOK47VFd5jSf1cBbhL708ppNE7zNXC8HGzcORdXwGof_Ob2zYdG0t1pXqYW7iBNG9hA54IOOj9VJMkwSxd13nVKdTQdh9jvPmseIu7vEyJvrB2mfNcAMNY1n8/s320/577912_10151233931014471_707130191_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Enjoying our Christmas feast. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2WCFe7F_qFmmKDXaPD2bZZNk2ghatArbkEwUmegv6aY6Oyy6Zdy72b6x8A50VIm-dHy2dwx55_pG5IdDoG64qLOunBEQRYGDxB3E-Dri2nORg3_uv4KPjQvIQBfDhDbyuLheQ8HPI6Ac/s1600/73000_10151233949249471_1229894360_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2WCFe7F_qFmmKDXaPD2bZZNk2ghatArbkEwUmegv6aY6Oyy6Zdy72b6x8A50VIm-dHy2dwx55_pG5IdDoG64qLOunBEQRYGDxB3E-Dri2nORg3_uv4KPjQvIQBfDhDbyuLheQ8HPI6Ac/s320/73000_10151233949249471_1229894360_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Nashville Family Photo</span></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There you have it folks. I'm looking forward to a few weekends spent in the state of Tennessee. My suitcase is unpacked and I am settling into my cute home once more. In other news: I'm going gluten free for a few weeks to see if it helps take away my tummy troubles. I covet prayers for healing as the past few weeks have not been the most fun! I bought my first Christmas tree and made a stocking for Ray by hand. It looks similiar to a 1st grader's handywork, but I'll take it. I finished <em>The Meaning of Marriage </em>by Timothy Keller and <strong>highly </strong>recommend it for single and married folks alike. I also felt like a true Nashville resident today when I happened upon ABC filming "Nashville" outside of Fido this morning. It'll be fun to see that scene when the episode airs (if it makes the final cut)! </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My reminder for the day, thoughts from my coffee date with Kinsey - so often we expect to feel peace when we walk into new situations or circumstances, and yet faith is a calling to step outside of our comfort zone. I so often forget that peace is not a feeling, but a person. Jesus is my peace. He has destroyed the barrier between myself and Holy God, He stands in the gap for me, loves me, has my best interest at heart. He is my peace whether I feel at peace or not, and unlike feelings - Jesus remains with me. </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lots of love, </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p> -</o:p></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p>a </o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-40361076717730348032012-11-02T13:37:00.001-04:002012-11-02T13:37:31.619-04:00"Follow Me..."<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life lessons: <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am so thankful for a patient and merciful God who
remains dedicated to molding me into a woman after His heart. A huge piece of
that is Him continually teaching me to trust and depend on Him. I am such an
independent person, at least on the outside, and I love to feel like I have
control of things (even though I know logically I have no control)… which makes
trusting anyone fully really difficult for me. This is something I’ve known about
me for ages, but I didn’t realize how deeply my pride and selfishness ran until
I started dating. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lesson 1: Expectations <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve realized that most of
the time my disappointment stems from unmet expectations that I (1) don’t
communicate, and (2) just want Ray to magically know. I couldn’t understand why
I would find myself mildly irritated with him when he’d done nothing wrong,
until I realized that I was placing this massive weight of expectations on him.
I got so distracted by what I thought I wanted that I missed the sweet, loving
things that he was doing and planning. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
realization came like a slap in my face, convicting and humbling, but it also
reminded me of the importance of being aware of expectations, communicating
them, and letting them go. You miss out on so much when you cling to ideas,
perfection, expectations, etc. It’s a blessing to let them go and let Ray
romance me in his own way, it’s just better that way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My focus shifts from all that I believe I’m
entitled to, deserve, or lack to all that I am graciously blessed with. When I
recognize my expectations for what they are, and deal with them appropriately,
then I can better love Ray for who he is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And can I just say, the real Ray is so much better than the idea of him,
or the expected him? <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think this is true in any
relationship. Conflict tends to stem from unmet expectations and poor
communication, and I think we miss out on a lot of joy when we hold people to
unrealistic expectations. This is true for me in my own life – I miss out on so
much joy when I hold myself to unrealistic expectations that come from
perfectionism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so tired of missing
out on joy. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lesson 2: Trusting the Lord <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel like the Holy Spirit
will be teaching me this lesson until Jesus calls me home. Again, dating is just
exposing my weakness and disobedience when it comes to trusting the Lord in
different and deeper ways. The past two weeks have been rough for both of us.
We’d both done stupid stuff before and addressed it, but we’d never really had
conflict until recently. At first, it was over pretty insignificant things that
just kind of snowballed into bigger underlying issues. We smoothed things out
on Friday, just to have another round start Saturday. Only the second time
around we weren’t in conflict with each other, life just kind of hit home. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sparing details, I’ve never cried in front of
Ray until Sunday. I hate letting other people see me cry, it’s not attractive,
and it’s awkward… I mean, what do you say to the sobbing, emotional, and
possibly borderline irrational woman sitting next to you?? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I left Clarksville Sunday
night with things unresolved, hating every bit of it, but choosing to trust the
man I had hugged goodbye. By the end of our conversation Monday night, I
honestly thought we might not be able to work through this. Two very candid
emails later (not ideal, but neither is living an hour apart with opposite work
schedules), and things were a bit more clear (not easy, but clear).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wasn’t asking me to give up my heart for
missions, women’s ministry, or adoption, nor was he asking me to abandon my
life here in Nashville (which is what I heard). He was introducing me to his
heart for discipleship in such a raw and honest way, so that I wouldn’t feel
deceived about his priorities later on. He was also trying to explain how he
had led us poorly, and how he needed to model for me the kind of discipleship
he is so burdened for. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All Ray was
asking of me was if I was willing to follow him as He followed Jesus, wherever
that might take us. That’s a lot of trust. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">By this point, it’s early Tuesday
morning and I’m walking to work, confessing my fear and trust issues to the
Lord. There were two things He very quickly impressed upon my heart: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">Alex, you must ultimately trust Me. Trusting Ray or anyone else in your life involves risk, but it’s frightening to you because you forget that I am your ultimate trust. You’re filled with fears and questions: “What if Ray makes a call I don’t agree with?” “What do I do with my heart?” “How will I ever be able to submit to a husband?!” But you’re envisioning the future without Me. I have your best interest at heart. You must trust My sovereignty and My love for you when you trust another one of My kids. They will fail you, disappoint you, and make mistakes… but I won’t. One day, you’ll see this more – that submitting to your husband is not only trusting him, but ultimately trusting Me by walking in obedience to My word.</span> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alex, you need Me. This is why prayer is so vitally important and why it must be a priority in your life. You demonstrate your trust and your dependence on me by the way that you come to Me in prayer. I am the Good Shepherd, I know exactly what you need and I lead you into it. This is also why praying for Ray is so important. Why praying for your husband will be so important one day. They need My wisdom, to know the sound of My voice from the voices of so many others, they need the courage to follow My heart, and there is no better way to fight for them than to bring them before Me, trusting Me instead of nagging them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you realize that you’d
rather work through something difficult with someone, rather than cutting both
loose for the sake of sparing yourself the trouble or hurt, it’s a really
defining moment. I would rather work through these things with Ray now, than
later with someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know that this is a really
long post, and it hits a lot of random places. I share it though, because I
think it’s so important to share the good and the ugly. The Lord wastes
nothing; it’s one of the things I love most about Him. He creates beauty in
even the filthiest of garbage. These verses that I’m about to share hit ever so
close yesterday morning: <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“And there is no creature hidden
from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we
must give account. Seeing then, that we have a great High Priest who has passed
through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For
we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was
in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly
to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time
of need.” – Hebrews 4:13-16 NKJV<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before He knit me together,
He knew me – in all of my junk – yet He created me anyways. He rescued me by
the blood of His Son. I stand completely exposed before Him, and He still
invites me into the throne room of grace. Whatever your weakness, whatever your
strength – it might not be jacked up expectations or trust issues – you have a
God who can sympathize with you, who longs to meet you where you are but loves
you way too much to leave you there.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">love, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> a <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3228683617189741325.post-30335436716432418652012-11-02T13:37:00.000-04:002012-11-02T13:37:07.573-04:00November is here!!! <span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t believe November is here already! <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quick updates: <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rachel moved in for a week and it was so nice to have a roommate again! I am so blessed that my boyfriend has such a wonderful sister. She hooked me up with an awesome new coffee mug, too! <o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dad came to Nashville and I introduced him to McKay’s – I never thought we were going to leave </span></span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I was so happy he came to visit. <o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I took Ray home with me. Our trip was complete with apple picking, driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains, and going to the State Fair. The best parts of being home were hanging out with HannahB and her man, Ryan, and spending lots of time laughing with my family. We even got to see Chandler get all dressed up for the homecoming dance. I hated to leave, but I drove home full of joy and yummy food… and Ray survived! <o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s November – ahh! I realized how crazy these next few weeks are going to be. I’ll be in Delaware, Georgia, and Ohio three of the four weekends coming up. I’m excited to see my friends Pete and Sarah tie the knot, and to soak up some more family time around the holidays. I am one blessed woman. </span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">love, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> a<o:p></o:p></span></span>Corleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02045634889008189910noreply@blogger.com0