chesed

Chesed, or "Hesed" is a Hebrew word used often in the Old Testament in reference to the Lord's love for Israel.  To be completely honest, it can't even be properly translated into English because we have no words to do it justice.  From what I've learned, Chesed is a relational term - it describes God's covenant love between Himself and Israel.  Though Israel constantly disobeyed and failed on their end of the bargain, the Lord was (and has always remained) faithful to His end.  Chesed is a beautiful word - because it embodies all grace, mercy, compassion, kindness and faithfulness as it describes the pursuing love of a Holy God jealous for His chosen people.

So what?

I was standing in a trauma bay recently- trying desperately not to pass out - as I watched young people come into the hospital from a bad accident. A few thoughts crossed my mind initially: 1. Why in heaven's name do they keep these trauma bays SO hot?? (I know the answer, but working in 87 F is NOT fun) and 2. This could have easily been my brothers last fall.

I noticed another nursing student standing in the corner on the other side of the room.  Our main goal was to stay out of the way! We looked at each other and smiled - knowing that we were in the same boat - as we watched the team work.  I felt sick and hot, and I knew that I was pale as a sheet... over the past year, I've quickly been able to recognize when I'm about to hit the floor. I began to pray for my patient as they worked.  When word got to us that the family had arrived, I went with the nurse to talk to them. In a daze, I realized that this could have easily been my family a few months ago.  I continued to pray, even harder when I realized that one parent had "given up" on the Lord. 

It's easy for me to despair in situations like this - when a kid is dead, when a patient may never walk again, and when another is screaming from a room down the hall. It's easy for me to lose hope and wonder, honestly, how God is both sovereign and good at the same time.  It's easy for me, in situations like this, to listen to lies from the enemy and become anxious. For now, I choose to believe and firmly hold onto Chesed, and it's close partner "Charis" (grace).

There are a few things that I know:
1. I deserve nothing but hell, and anything short of hell - be it "good" or "bad" is evidence of God's grace towards me.
2. I could be wrong, but I'm beginning to see from Genesis, how the knowledge of "good" and "evil" was never "intended" to be mine - man chose that when we ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So I refer back to #1. (Genesis 2:15-16; Genesis 3; Genesis 3:21 NASB)
3. Nothing separates my family, or anyone else, from those involved in this event.  It's not a matter of whether God loved one family more than another, or whether there was any kind of "luck" involved - each situation in our lives happens with the sole purpose of displaying God's glory (ex: John 9:1-3).  If God was most glorified in my life through a "bad" situation, then I'm sure I would experience it.  I don't think He shows partiality. And I might add, God works for His glory and our good simultaneously - one never contradicts or negates the other.
4. God's grace is overwhelming - my patient has a long way to go - but by the end of the day, the Lord was already working in his body physically and (continue to pray) in his family spiritually.

The anger, grief, and confusion I witnessed in this circumstance was all too familiar to me. I've had my fair share of anger towards the Lord - moments when I wanted to walk away completely - but as I continue to get older, He continues to show me just how completely He loves - and how He relentlessly pursues us in love (Chesed).  I'm so quick to label circumstances as "awful," "bad," "impossible," OR "good," "awesome," and "favorable." When, in all reality, "This is the day that the Lord has made" and I must "rejoice and be glad in it." Because, at the end of the day - it's His grace (Charis) and His unrelenting, unconditional love (Chesed) that hold me fast.

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