i'm a beaver

for the past two weeks or so i've done a whole lot of nothing but watching TV and eating = a lot of laziness. getting into work - waking up early, hanging out for 8 hours, etc. has been fun. i don't feel ready to be an adult - but as rachel said " too bad, it's happening."

day 2 of orientation has come to a close. i realize i get antsy just sitting down for hours at a time - i'm not sure how i survived high school - maybe that's why i got in trouble for talking so much. rumor has it that i got placed on a floor with good nurses so i'm excited - i'll be working on a medical floor with a bunch of stroke patients. i'm thankful it's not oncology. ICU is my first rotation next thursday and the special care nursery is my last. I got a good mix of 8h and 12h shifts - which is nice because i'll get a few days off each week.

i suppose i've learned a bit about myself since school has ended. most of it i don't like - most i wish i could figure out how to change. some stuff i like - it makes sense and seems to fall into place.

my mind always seems to be running and twisting - jumbling thoughts and ideas until i sit down to write. one passage i've clung too lately has been from lamentations 3 -

22-23 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. (ESV)

22-23 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. (NIV)

four things i long for: contentment, courage, faith and wisdom.

oh - and i get to work a 12 hour shift on my birthday. i caved and bought a patterned scrub top. and i pretended to race the guy on the treadmill next to me at the gym.

i don't know.

what if i don't want to be a nurse?
what if i don't know what i want to do?
we'll see, we'll see.