peace of Christ

Peace is some thing that I've never really understood or felt often in my life.  Since I can remember, I have always been an anxious and fearful person. There is no rationale behind it, I'm just not naturally peaceful.  I've been reading through John (one of my favorite books in Scripture) just to get to know Jesus better. Over the past few days, I've been reading about His peace (John 14-16 are the passages I've covered this week).  How different His peace is - how He doesn't give His peace to us like the world gives peace.  How He tells us all of what He talks about in these chapters so that we'll have peace.  Our source of peace is in Him. How He tells us to take heart in the midst of the troubles in the world. 

My freshman year of college I visited this church in downtown Clemson known as DCF (Downtown Community Fellowship).  Coming from a Baptist background where everyone says "Hello" and shakes your hand during a greeting time, I was not prepared for the "Passing the Peace" at DCF.  People began hugging me and saying things like, "Peace of Christ to you." I looked like a deer caught in headlights.  That was my first experience at DCF but not my last.  I grew to understand it, and it became less weird to me.  This past Sunday, I visited DCF again with my roommate.  As the service went on, it was like Jesus just began to talk to me about His peace - and what it means for me that He is my peace. 

I realized that I am completely terrified to be alone for a period of time in the Lord's presence.  It has so much to do with my view of God and how twisted it is.  God is not angry with me or disappointed in me like I think that He is.  He's not that way at all.  As I began to just confess to the Lord why I was so afraid to be in His presence - to be so exposed before a Holy God - I began to realize what His peace means.  Jesus is my peace - His blood covers me completely, and fully satisfies God's wrath over my sin.  I am completely forgiven and God no longer holds my sin against me - though it happens so frequently - because Jesus paid for it in full (past, present, and future sin).  When Jesus says that He's my peace - it means that I can now approach the throne of God confidently to find grace in my time of need without fear or shame, because God sees Christ over me.  When Jesus says He gives His peace to us not as the world gives peace - it means that His peace is eternal and unchanging - it is not dependent upon my feelings towards it or the circumstances surrounding it. 

Lately walking with the Lord has been a few baby steps forward and a giant leap backwards, as He continues to teach me and exercise my faith - working out all of my doubts and misconceptions.  As I continue to struggle with hard questions and bring these doubts before the Lord, I'm beginning to see that hanging around for the answer doesn't have to be a fearful experience.  That conviction and sanctification hurt, but they don't distance or separate me from the Lord - they bring me closer to Him. He has begun to break down walls in my heart brick by brick, with the first brick being a clarification of His peace and the implications of His peace in my life.  In the midst of anxiety, fatigue, uncertainty and chaos I have an immovable Rock who is for me, not against me. That's comforting.
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