reminders

today i was reminded of a story

it was nice to be reminded, convicting as well, of this story because it reminded me of how Sovereign the Lord really is. He's had His hand on my life since before I could speak or think on my own - since before I was literally formed in the womb. My existence was a shock, a surprise, seemingly unplanned, and yet in His sovereignty I live.

yet I constantly worry, stress, wonder, doubt.

without fail, in His perfect faithfulness, He keeps His hand on me. when I fail to seek Him, fail to ask Him, fail to look to Him - He still loves and protects me.

so why do I worry? what is it that makes me think I have any control, or that I am more secure when I'm directing and guiding my life than when I just simply trust Him? because the reality of it, is that before the illusion of control ever occurred to me, He handled things perfectly. if, when I had no knowledge of my existence, no voice to speak or thoughts to form, He took perfect care of me - what makes me think that I can do better now without Him?

i don't understand why i do the things that i do. i am so quick to forget that the Lord has been so good to me, that He's good regardless of how good my life is going, that more than giving me physical life, He's given me eternal life, that He has never failed to take His sovereign hand off of me...despite my efforts to try to shake Him off.

undeserving.