About a month ago I came home to find my roommate trying on one of my scarves. It went really well with her outfit that she was modeling in the full length hall mirror. She turned around quickly and said something to the extent that she was going to ask me before she borrowed it, wanted to see if it matched well first, and that she just treated me like her sister. All of it was fine with me – I’m still learning how the whole sister-thing-you-can-borrow-my-clothes thing works (you don’t get much practice growing up with brothers). This memory sticks with me only because the conversation that followed it centered on insecurity and the nasty habit of comparison.
My roommate – I’ll brag on her for a bit – is one of the most beautiful women I know. I mean, she’s physically stunning and incredibly petite. Cute as a button with super long eyelashes that she knows how to bat just right, she is the definition of Southern charm. Not only is she physically beautiful, but she’s off-the-charts intelligent, has a work ethic to rival any entrepreneur, and her roots grow deep in her faith. She can make anyone fat with her cooking, but sticks to an exercise regimen that would rank on the Biggest Loser. She’s not perfect, but it’s easy to forget that she’s human sometimes.
As I’m confessing this insecurity to her – letting her into a very vulnerable place – she confessed feeling a very similar way in another relationship. It was ironic, strangely comforting, and another example of how prevalent insecurity is.
Insecurity is like an oppressive pressure that bears down on me and prevents me from living in freedom. I’ve spent a very long time living in a shadow of insecurity – comparing myself to folks who are thinner, smarter, more likeable, more talented, confident, etc… I mean, the list can really go on and on. It’s exhausting – and it just turns into a downward spiral – a spiral that I don’t think I’m alone in. If my hunch is right, this temptation to compare ourselves to others is a shared one among humans. There will ALWAYS be someone better than you – and ALWAYS someone that isn’t where you’re at yet. Comparison either lands you in two places (in my opinion) – you get a false sense of failure or a false sense of justification. Either you can’t measure up, or you think you’re okay on your own. Neither is really accurate because the standard is holiness.
My roommate, as amazing as she is, is not the standard I should be looking at. Neither am I for someone else. Do I learn from her? Absolutely. Are there things in her life that I can implement in my own? Yes. That’s why I’m so thankful to have her in my life! That’s one of the many beautiful aspects of community. But never, for a second, are people to be our standard.
Jesus is the standard. And praise God for the Gospel, because He did what I could never accomplish. “God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)
Insecurity is an ugly black hole – it’ll suck the joy and confidence right out of my life if I let it – which is why I need to remind myself daily of the Gospel. God loves me with an everlasting, complete, and mind-blowing love – not because of how great I am – but because of who He is. In His love and by His grace He’ll keep sanctifying me, but He’ll never compare me to His other kids, wishing I was prettier, smarter, or better in general. In fact, I’d dare say that He’s completely pleased with me just as I am.
End of the estrogen-filled post.
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