insecurity part 2

Today I was cleaning my room and listening to talks from last year's Passion conference. I started with Andy Stanley's talk - I love that he always repeats his points so often. "It is always a mistake to determine what you want to do before you first decide who you want to be." He went onto talk about the talent, the gifts, the intellect in the arena - telling us that our gifts and abilities had the potential to take us beyond what our character could handle if we failed to decide who we wanted to be before determining what we were going to do. There's that core foundation of deciding who you want to be and what's at stake if you aren't that person. For example - I want to be a pure person, but why? What's at stake if I'm not pure? Intimacy is at stake - purity paves the way to intimacy.

What does this have to do with insecurity?

I followed Andy's talk with Francis Chan's talk. Francis talked about trembling at the Word of God - do I tremble at His Word? When Scripture says, "Love one another" is my heart to go and love others because Holy God told me to love? Etc. He spoke from 2 Peter 1 about how God has given us everything we need for life and godliness (v3). The text pretty much speaks for itself:

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." (3-4)

It's the living word of God - and if I believe that God's word is truth then this tells me a few things:

1. God has given me all that I need for life and godliness- I have no excuse to sin or chose anything other than following Him. It is not easy, but I have all that I need. He has thoroughly equipped me.

2. Knowing the Lord is crucial, vital to understanding all that I have in Him. Approaching Scripture with reverence, humility, and trembling because it is the Living Word of Holy God changes the way I read it completely. It is no longer a boring book with lots of rules and wise advice - it's life.

3. I have been given very great and precious promises - such as the promise of salvation - I have been given a new nature, I am no longer dead in sin but alive in Christ - Christ is in me - I am a partaker in the divine nature. I am no longer just a human being - made only of flesh and blood - I have been made new!

Neither one of these talks were about security, and though I had heard them before, listening to them again was so convicting and refreshing. However, it made me think about insecurity.

1. I'm at that place where I have to decide what I want to do with my life - I'm graduating in May and I'll start looking for jobs soon - but what do I want to do? I put so much emphasis on my appearance, my performance, my relationships - I've fallen into the trap of putting so much stock into who I know, what others think of me, etc. that I've failed to think about who I want to be. Do I really want to get to the end of my life and have people remember me for my grades? for my skewed priorities of putting performance before people? There is no security when I place my identity in my performance. I've realized a huge part of my insecurity stems from the fear of screwing up beyond repair - and yet the Lord gently says to me, "Alex, you cannot screw this up. I have good plans for you- I will complete the good work I began in you. Let me take this, let it go." I have overestimated my potential to screw things up and my ability to control stuff and underestimated the Lord's ability and power to sovereignly hold me. It's called pride. And I will never rest securely until I realize that who I am is more important than what I do. I can "do" all day long, but my "doing" flows from my "being" and if my "being" is not an overflow of the Holy Spirit than my "doing" has no foundation or lasting impact.

2. I've been equipped to become the woman that I want to be because I have been given everything I need to live a Godly life. I am no longer a slave to sin but I am a slave to righteousness. I am a daughter of the King. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Creator God. I am a partaker in the divine nature - I have a new nature. My identity is secure in the faithfulness of God - because He does not change and His word is truth.