past

so this weekend i came home with the goal of getting a bunch of homework done and packing up my room. What actually happened was that I ate a ton of great food, watched a fair amount of tv, and went shopping with my mom for furniture and mirrors. I also went back into time.

before my room could be packed up, a lot of embarrassing stuff had to be thrown away. not bad stuff, just embarrassing middle school stuff that you never want to be reminded of. things like notes, cards, journals - all about a boy, from a boy, or drama resulting because of a boy's existance.

can i just say - i'm soo happy to be out of middle school, even high school.

it was funny to read some of the stuff - most of which was thrown away.
other things were encouraging and reading over them again, i was glad i had been such a pack rat.
i found a poem from when i was 9 years old - i'll let you relive it with me.

"South Carolina" (9/11/97)- by Alexandra Kirsten (obviously couldn't spell my own middle name) Corley

Oh, beautiful state.

Oh, beautiful flower.

Oh, beautiful bird.

Oh, beautiful spring shower.

I love my South Carolina State.

It's mine to keep, and I love to hear the baby chicks go peep, peep, peep.

stuff like that - i have no idea where it came from, other than that it was written in my Lisa Frank journal on hot pink paper with fluffy clouds. (That was one creepy diary looking back).

among other things, I found cards signed by my grandmother before she passed away. To see her name on a card, her handwriting - i kept all of them.

journals from Cuba, Kenya and Costa Rica - remembering what the Lord did in all of those places by rereading them was awesome.

notes and cards from friends from the time my grandmother passed away - they were real, honest, loving, and i was reminded of how blessed i am to still have those friendships today.

while it was embarrassing, i had quite a few chuckles and episodes where i just had to roll my eyes at myself. it was a good weekend - it was good to be reminded. in some areas, i think i've grown a lot, but in many others - i'm still dealing with the same issues. finding my self worth in christ, being secure and at peace with who I am, being confident of my relationship with Jesus and in my faith, trusting and depending fully on Him instead of worrying - i've learned new things, but i still deal with those issues daily. it makes me wonder what kind of woman i'll be 5, 6 and 7 years from now. Will i be this embarrassed to go and relive my highschool and college days? maybe. Will i still deal with the same issues I did in the 7th grade - most likely, but on a different level.

regardless, i survived this weekend. i am who i am today because of the past that i have - and the beautiful thing is that it's the past... it's gone. and i get to walk in freedom from it - which is something i'm learning how to do.

<3