all that hurts

from the depths of who i am i need you Jesus. i cannot change myself, i cannot change my heart. i need the strength to claim truth that seems, overwhelmingly, so far away.

this is not out of your hands, this was not out of your sight. this was not and is not a surprise to you, unlike it was to me. you are good and your love endures forever. you discipline those that you love... help me to receive this and teach me, like Jacob wouldn't let go when he wrestled with you, Father, though you injure me because of your mercy and love, I won't let go until you bless me.

i claim salvation, grace and love that i'm unable to receive or understand fully. i claim the truth that i am not alone, that i am loved, that i am not rejected but that i have access to the throne of God through Jesus Christ, my high priest who sympathizes with my weaknesses because He's been tempted in every way. i confess my sin of unbelief, of little faith, of anger and bitterness, of disobedience, and my weaknesses are before you. Yet, you've nailed them to the cross, you've said "it is finished." and you continue to dredge up the lies that have been so deeply entrenched in my heart, woven into the marrow of my bones, and it hurts like hell.

take out the death in my bones, raise the dead in me, teach me, create in me a new wellspring, a new heart, renew a steadfast spirit within me, set my thoughts on Jesus. i cannot do this on my own, and i dont want to leave this situation the same or worse... Satan has no foothold, he has been defeated, fight for me Jesus like you have, like you did for Joshua and Israel... in your patience and your mercy don't give up on me. remember your promises "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

you're answering my prayers and I praise you, keep breaking and Father..breathe healing.