My sweet Samuel,
You are racked out (finally) for your afternoon nap at the
moment. You must be dreaming about something lovely as you smile in your sleep –
could you be any cuter?
One of my hopes for you is that you have some pretty epic
friends throughout the course of your life. While I’m sure that friends will
come in and out of your life as seasons change, some will remain fast and
steady presences in your life. I pray these lifelong buddies love Jesus, speak
life to you and over you, and are a safe place in which you can be yourself.
Not every friend you make will be one of these close
buddies, and that’s okay! Your heart is precious and it should be guarded
wisely – which means, that not everyone will honor your heart and cherish it.
It’s never healthy to be completely closed off to relationships, nor is it
healthy to swing wide the doors of your heart’s most vulnerable places to
everyone. There has to be a balance, and I’m confident that you will find that
balance and walk well in it with divine wisdom – this is my prayer for
you. As you grow, remember that your
relationships are like inviting someone into your life, much like you would
invite someone into your house.
We spend a lot of time on our front porch – you LOVE the
porch swing your Daddy made for me and you LOVE being outside – it’s the only
place that calms you when you become inconsolable. Neighbors will drive by and
wave, occasionally some will be walking and stop by to say hello. They’ll chat
for a while with us, ask how old you are, and say hello to Moe puppy (whether
they wanted to or not, she’s still learning personal space), but they never
come inside. We know very little about
the depth of their personal lives, but we look out for one another. These are “front
porch” people – and you will have a lot of “front porch” people in your life.
Neighbors, acquaintances, mutual friends, coworkers, or folks you just met will
generally be “front porch” people – nearly everyone starts out as a “front
porch” friend before they move into the living room.
“Living room” friends have been invited into your “home” so
to speak, but not too far into it. They’re often “front porch” people that you have
a bit more in common with. Friends on your soccer team or in your class at
school – they’ll know you a bit more but not super close. You may have a lot of
“living room” friends, especially if you play sports or participate in
extracurricular activities. These are great friends to have, too! You may not
know them super well, but there’s a lot of encouragement to be found in these
friendships. There’s also a lot of heartache that can be experienced in these
friendships. These are often your peers – you care more about their acceptance
of you than the “front porch” friends. You spend more time with them, they’ve
seen a bit more of who you are, and when they hurt you it stings a bit more.
When a “front porch” person hurts you, it’s generally unintentional because they
don’t know you well enough to offend you intentionally. When a “living room”
friend says something hurtful, it is still likely unintentional, but it can
also be more specifically tailored to something you value or are insecure
about. You’ll learn how to navigate conflict and build deeper friendships from
these “living room” friends – they’ll go from “porch friend” status to
sitting back in the deep couch and playing video games and taking their shoes
off OR they’ll never get comfortable enough and stay more in the front porch
zone…which is okay. “Living room” friends who do get comfortable enough to take
off their shoes, sit back and relax will sometimes stay there, but some will
move into the kitchen.
“Kitchen friends” are fewer in number and closer to you than
your “living room” friends. They’re the friends who you’ll invite over to play,
eat dinner, or spend the night. They’ll be the friends in your class or on your
soccer team or in your small group (when you’re older) that you’ve bonded with
more closely. You’ll learn quickly that we spend a lot of time in our kitchen
(which is also extended into our den). It’s much more of a mess than the front living
room and it’s the room in our house in which we frequently connect with one
another as we cook dinner, greet your dad when he comes home from work, and
catch up with good friends over a glass of coffee or wine (or boobie milk for
you). In our kitchen is our back door –
and it is used frequently by our close friends, like Aunt Lizan and Andrea.
These friends rarely knock (unless the door is locked), but they’re welcome
anytime. These friends know us well –
they’ve seen both our dirty dishes and laundry piled up on the couch. They’ve
seen us burn dinner and argue with one another. They recognize when we’re
having a hard day and are quick to offer to pray for us. They have sent us
encouraging texts, brought us dinner on hard days, and love babysitting you! These
friends are generally your community – not only do you continue to learn how to
resolve conflict, but you also learn how to better communicate that much
more. None of us are perfect, and in
every relationship or friendship we will have disagreements, hurts, and
wounds. These friendships will be worth
fighting for, they’ll challenge you to grow and become the man God has called
you to be. These friendships will offer perspective, challenge your thoughts
and opinions, and help you learn how to identify and utilize your strengths and
gifts within your community. Most of your “kitchen” friends will remain around
the table (or on the couch in our current layout), but some will make
themselves at home further by entering into the pantry.
“Pantry” friends are friends that absolutely make themselves
at home – these will be your closest and most likely lifelong friends.
You may only have 1-2 of these friends. These are friends that open up the
cabinets in your home and help themselves to snacks – or in your mother’s case,
they know where my stash of chocolate is hidden and how to locate the ice
cream. These friends don’t just know that you’re having a rough time, they know
the specifics of why and what you’re struggling with. They know how
disorganized your cabinets are, and that you keep junk food in those cabinets
that are tucked away on the top row even though you keep all the healthy food
in the front of the fridge. They hold you accountable, they cry with you (you
can still be a manly man and shed some tears), they get angry with you, they
love you. These are friends that know you so well they’re practically family.
They’re the ones you want to take on vacation with you, the ones who know all
of your embarrassing moments and have no problem laughing about them. These are
the people who laugh WITH you, but not AT you in a denigrating way. These are
the people who can call you out on your BS but do so in such a way where you know,
even when it stings, that they love you tremendously. These are the friends
that you are vulnerable with – they know the real Sam and they love you all the
same. These are not perfect friends, but they are pretty epic. You’ll learn
tremendous grace in these friendships – when you have absolutely blown it,
because you will at some point, these friends won’t abandon you. You’ll learn
all about sanctification in these friendships as you learn to both speak and
receive the truth in love. You’ll learn that confrontation doesn’t always have
to lead to conflict in these friendships, and that there is tremendous freedom
when you can be accepted for who you are and not what you bring to the table.
One friend will go beyond a “pantry” friend one day and see
the most intimate parts of who you are when they move into your bedroom as your
wife. I know, cue the “ewww gross Mom!” I’m
praying for all of your friendships, but I’m really praying for this one. Your
friendship with your wife will be the most important friendship you ever invest
in. You will continue to have to invest in this friendship if you want to have
a healthy marriage. She will know you more than anyone else, and I hope above
all else that she is safe with your heart. You will know her more than anyone
else, and you’ll learn more about the Gospel and God’s love for you in this
friendship and in your friendship with Jesus than in any other friend group. More
than anyone else, she will push you closer to Jesus and into a deeper
dependence upon Him as you learn how to lead, love, and serve her as Jesus
leads, loves and serves the Church. You
will both know each other so well, that when you fight you’ll be tempted to hit
below the belt sometimes – you’ll know how to deliver a swift punch to the gut,
one that will deliver the most damage with the least amount of effort – but my
prayer for you both is that you never take that shot. Rather, you guard one
another, inspire growth in one another, and always keep the only perfect Friend
(Jesus) in the center of your marriage.
Finally, the greatest friend you will ever have – and the
only perfect friendship – is the friendship you’ll have with Jesus. Jesus built
your house – He knows you better than you know you – so there is no point in
hiding your dirty laundry or junk food, or pretending you don’t have cobwebs or
skeletons in your closet. He knows you fully and loves you unconditionally.
When you feel like you have no one else, when no one understands, Jesus stands
with you – always present with you, regardless of your feelings, and He is able
to sympathize with your every weakness because He too has been tempted, rejected,
hurt, disappointed, excited, angry, loved, sad – you name it, He has
experienced it without sinning (Hebrews 4:15). So when your friends hurt you,
or when you feel alone, I hope you find in Jesus a steadfast friend.
I hope you never buy into the lie that you are not enough,
or that your worth is dependent upon the opinions or acceptance of others. I
hope you never bend to peer pressure and feel the need to compromise your
convictions in order to gain “friends” – who will not be true friends at all.
I hope that you are a good friend – from the people you see in passing, to your
spouse, to everyone in between – I pray that you are a man who stands firm in
his convictions and yet remains a warm and safe place for people in which they
can find rest, grace, and love. In a world that preaches tolerance, I hope that
you never “tolerate” others but love them as Christ has called us to love one
another.
I also hope that you keep your Dad and I in at least kitchen
friend status throughout your life – don’t kick us to the curb as a teenager
ok? We’re for you, even when you think we’re old and out of touch J
All my love,
Mom
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