Sunday, September 13, 2015

Letters to Little: A Series on Friendship

My Saturday mornings – truthfully all of my mornings – look much differently now that I’m a mom. Gone are the days where sleeping in was an option, going for a run in the stillness of the morning was possible, or sitting at our farmhouse table with my Bible and journal for an unlimited amount of time.  Sleeping in is now making it to 6 or 7am. Going for a run now involves breastfeeding a baby, getting a stroller, dog, baby and myself out the door before it gets unbearably hot, and “running” quickly turns into walking because I inevitably wet my pants when I try to run. **Do your Kegels ladies, do your kegels!** I still get the gift of sitting down to write over coffee every now and then, like this morning. It isn’t as quiet, but it is just as beautiful.

This morning Sammy is playing on his mat. He’s starting to learn that his hand is connected to his body – and that he can hit things with it. He is no longer punching himself in the face and looking surprised. He still looks surprised when he connects his fist to the toys hanging over him, but he loves the sounds they make and keeps swinging. Mittens cover his little hands (because he keeps scratching his face) making him look like a little boxer. He’s worn himself out and is fighting falling asleep, which is adorable until he starts to cry. He’s rocking a new onesie from his Aunt Kaelin. On the front in bold font reads “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.” Yes you are. I think to myself as I pick him up, settle him down into his sleeper and rock him with my foot as I sit back down to my computer.

I think about his sweet self and how he’s becoming more expressive of his personality. I am so excited to learn who he is and how he processes and connects with the world around him. I pray about the kind of man he will one day be, and I hope that he will make choices in divine wisdom and not out of his own logic all the days of his life. In my heart of hearts, I want him to keep the innocence and faith of a child for as long as possible – I want him to look at the world much like he does now, with a sense of wonder and curiosity. I don’t want him to remain in a place of immaturity – I want him to grow – but in a world where so many kids have to become adults much sooner than they ever should, I want so badly for my son to have a joyful childhood.  A deep part of my mother’s heart wants for him to have ridiculously awesome, Christ-centered, honest and loving friendships in which he can be himself without fear.

This week has reminded me of how important friendship is – how much we value friendship and meaningful connection as human beings. It isn’t vital to survival, but I do believe that we were wired for relationship. While there is a void in the core of who we are that can only be completely satisfied by God Himself, I think there’s a deep longing in the human soul to be seen, genuinely seen, and to be loved in that exposure by others. How we interact within friendship reveals so much about who we are, what we fear, and where our hope lies. How we handle hurts and conflict within those friendships says that much more.

I think about a dear friend of mine who had a challenging week in the world of friendship. She is one of the most passionate, warm, loving, and animated women I know, and yet this week she believed the lie that there was something wrong with the friendship she had to offer others. I witnessed a woman who has so much to offer believe that she had nothing valuable to give – and while I wanted to be quick to encourage her with truth, I had to check in with myself for a moment. I, too, have felt and believed the exact same lies.  

I think about the wedding shower that is being hosted at my house this afternoon – how I have a thousand things left to do before guests begin to arrive – and how I had to remind my very stressed out self this morning that this shower is about a dear friend and her upcoming marriage. It’s not about how clean my house is, how cute the decorations are, how tasty the food is or how Pinteresty it looks. It’s not about keeping Moe’s hair off the newly cleaned furniture, or if the nursery looks pristine, or even if my cluttered desk in the kitchen is organized…it’s not about what my friends think of me when they are guests in my home. It’s about celebrating an upcoming marriage – the picture God gives the world to say, “This is what the Gospel is like…This is what My love for you is like..” I know that. I’ve known it all along, and yet this fear of man creeps in so very slyly.

This belief that I have to live up to a certain set of expectations in order to be of any value, in order to be worth the pursuit or maintenance of a friendship, is one of the most detrimental weapons against a healthy relationship. When it is self-imposed, like mine has been this weekend, then it is a lie that must be quickly thwarted before the gracious throne of the Father in truth. It’s a heart issue, something that must be uprooted while truth is replanted in the soil of our souls – it cannot come from another’s constant validation but from believing God’s Word concerning our identity. However, when this mindset is imposed upon you by another – when who you are is never good enough – it’s another beast entirely.

It has taken me a very long time to begin to learn what really matters in a friendship – those things that separate a genuine friend from an unsafe one. I will forever be learning how to be humble and teachable within the context of friendships –how to handle conflict Biblically, how to fight courageously for unity and reconciliation, for peace and a safe place in which vulnerability can exist. I will forever be learning to let some friendships go as well – to step back, to grieve, and to choose healthy boundaries.

I may constantly battle the lies that come with the struggle of perfectionism and anxiety, especially in the context of friendship. However, I am so thankful for the core women God has placed in my life as intimate friends – those women that can call me out gently and call me up candidly. I’m thankful for the new friendships we are making as a family in this season of parenthood – for the mothers and older women whose wisdom has brought a sense of normalcy, hope and humor in these sleep-deprived, sometimes discouraging days. Most of all, I’m thankful for the friendship of Jesus – for the constant, open invitation to come before him with all that I’m carrying and take a break at His feet. Of all the friends that Samuel makes in his life, I hope he cherishes that perfect Friend above all.

I’ve never done a “series” of posts on a topic before, but I’ve been enjoying writing “Letters to Little” in my personal life and sharing a few here on the blog. The next few posts will be “letters” centered around friendship, so I hope you enjoy them!

all the love and crisp fall air from music city,
a


Sammy loves his friend Fox 
Game Day with his Aunt Lauren 

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