doubting thomas

These past few weeks have been like one long roller coaster of contradiction - lows of doubts followed by quick peaks of faith, deeper lows of doubts, and twists of everyday life.
For a quick(ish) update, here's the skeleton of the roller coaster: 
 1. I've got an interview at Vanderbilt - in two weeks I'll be in Nashville interviewing, looking at housing, and exploring a new city that I could potentially call home for the next five years of my life.
2. I've got an interview with Teach For America - I know, who saw that coming? not me.
3. I hate doubt. anxiety feeds off of doubt. and I hate them both. I hate that the first place satan attacks me is my identity in Jesus.
4. God is so faithful.  He's been restoring relationships within my family like crazy - exceeding all of my meager expectations. For the first time in years I feel like I have a stable relationship with my dad. I'm slowly starting to breathe without fear.
5. Comparison steals joy and stays rooted in pride - which is ironic, since it's also seeded in insecurity
On another note, I was in the mall last weekend (yup- shopping). As I was rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off (because I dislike the mall - you should see how fast I can walk in the mall), I started to worry about finding a sweater to go with my interview outfit.  I started to compare myself to others, wondering how I stood up, and then I started to worry that I might not get the job if I didn't look or sound professional enough, say the right things, etc.  As I'm rushing through the mall to try one more store, Matthew 6 popped into my head.  The thought went something like this, "Why do you worry about clothes? Your Heavenly Father knows what you need."  It was followed by, "Don't you know that if I want you at Vanderbilt, you will be at Vanderbilt? And if not, don't you know that what I have for you is better?" I felt better immediately...and I found a sweater (in case you were wondering).
In the midst of the doubt, the sucky heart attitude, and all of the things that make me so very human, I find comfort in the fact that I cannot screw this up beyond repair.  I don't know what's next, but I know that it will be good - because He is good, and He is for my good.
Friends - nothing we can do can make God love us more, and nothing we can do can make Him love us less.