failure

tonight i wanted to crawl into a hole, curl up in a ball, cry a little, and go back to a happy place with happy guests, happy bosses, and happy servers... instead, i had upset customers, an angry server and two unhappy, frustrated bosses.

i messed up.

the kind of mess-up that leaves four guests at a table for about 20 minutes with no server.
the kind of mess-up that lands you getting yelled at by that server because they think they'll be yelled at like its their fault.
the kind of mess-up that makes you wonder what would be worse - being fired and getting to leave, or having to suffer at the host stand by yourself while you watch the irate server give a detailed account (complete with hand gestures and glares in your direction) to his girlfriend (a fellow server) AND your boss about how you ruined his night.

of course both bosses took a more gentle approach in correcting the mistake i willingly admitted that i made. i still have a job, and they showed me a lot of grace. to make it a little worse, the irate server managed to fall and break a plate later that night. i'm sure that added even more anger to his storytelling about the incompetent hostess.

so while i stood suffering at the host stand by myself, i started to remind myself of Scriptures and attempted to talk myself into believing that they were reality and that this situation was not a big deal. it kinda worked. for starters - i'm saved by grace through faith and not by works - and God has sealed me with the Holy Spirit, a deposit guarenteeing my inheritance. He's not man that He should lie, nor a Son of Man that He should change His mind, He won't leave me nor forsake me. He's got good plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. He listens to me, and He's found by me when I seek Him. He longs to give me good things and He provides exactly what I need. In this world I might have trouble, but He's overcome the world. Though I may fail and though I am unfaithful, He never fails and His grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness - and He is exactly who I want people to see. Though I am incompetent and inefficient, He is competent, and my efficiency comes from Him.

tonight, even after a 3 hour "workshop" on how to do my job right, I completely failed at a simple and elementary aspect of being a host... letting a server know he's got a table. in a restaurant, that's a big deal. in life - not so much. it hurts to disapoint people and to upset them, it hurts like mess... but Jesus doesn't love me any less because I failed tonight. He's not in heaven going irate with the server - and if my superiors were gracious, how much more gracious is He towards me?

wow.