Sunday, August 16, 2015

Letters to Little: Quiet Moments

My goodness! You are one month old! This time a month ago I was in transition with you – it was the longest and hardest part of labor – praise Jesus you came out when you did!

Right now you are sleeping in your monkey sleeper – which you spend a lot of time in because I can take it from room to room while I’m doing chores. You also make the greatest facial expressions, love eating, swinging on the porch swing and being outside in general. You’ve been more alert lately, letting Daddy and I see your big blue eyes. We love playing with you, but you would rather eat and sleep. Daddy is on a long run, Moe went back to sleep, and I am sitting at our table, coveted coffee mug in hand, really thankful for our little family and this quiet moment.

One thing I struggle with is being still and quiet before the Lord. In truth, I talk way too much and am a poor listener. I’m always fearful of being alone and quiet with Jesus. What if He doesn’t show up? What if He tells me things I don’t want to, or am not ready to hear? What if I’m exposed? These are irrational fears rooted in unbelief. These are irrational fears rooted in unbelief. The truth is that God is always present. He already knows and sees all of me, and His words bring life. I know this, but I still struggle with pride and doubting God’s character…and I avoid Him. I avoid quiet moments and connecting with Him.

In John 15 & 16, Jesus tells His disciples quite a bit of hard stuff…and He tells them why:

(16:1) “I have said these things to you to keep you from falling away.”

(16:4) “But I have said these things to you, that when their hour comes you may remember that I told them to you.”

(16:33) “I have said these things to you so that in me you may have peace…”

Jesus also tells his disciples in John 16:12, “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.”

He only tells them what they can bear to hear in that moment. While He said some difficult things that they didn’t fully understand, His heart was never to overwhelm them but to prepare, equip and encourage them.

Jesus really put His finger on my fearful and prideful heart as I read these last few chapters in John. Jesus calls me to “abide” – to remain with and in Him, to spend time with Him, to know Him, to ask of Him, to be one with Him and the Father. When I avoid Him, when I refuse to still myself before Him and listen, I do the opposite. I am more anxious, more stressed, and more foolish. I return to things that I know; things that are natural, easy and familiar. I make decisions out of fear and my own human wisdom, which isn’t wisdom at all. Like Peter did in John 21, I go back to “fishing” when Jesus has called me to follow Him (John 21:3; 19).

The reality is that I cannot follow Jesus unless I know Him – and I cannot get to know Him unless I engage and spend time with Him. God’s heart is not to overwhelm me with things I cannot bear to hear. He knows my limits better than I do, so when He does bring a challenging or convicting word to me, I have to trust His character, timing and purpose. When He comes with correction or conviction, I need to ask for the humility to receive it, the grace to repent and the faith to follow. His heart is for me – like it is for you – and my prayer is that you would know God’s voice and follow Him all the days of your life…and that you would see that modeled by your Daddy and me.

We love you so much buddy.

-mom


PS: you are officially a chunky monkey :)

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