Ch..Ch..Ch..Changes

I feel like a fair amount of change has happened in my life over the past two months. It’s been fun, and challenging, and Jesus has put his finger on a few things in my heart that I’d been avoiding.  In minor news, I went from owning a little brick of a flip phone and texting comfortably with T9 Word, to a smart phone… which I’ve been trying to play with and set up for an embarrassing amount of time this afternoon.
Change happens, and I use to hate it. I can’t say I’m a fan of it, but after you go through so much of it you get used it. You start to recognize that it’s a beautiful part of life – full of equal parts bitter and sweet most of the time. People, possessions, living arrangements, they all come and go and change… and for someone who comes to Jesus so often with tight, controlling fists, it’s difficult to let go – it’s also difficult to receive.

I’ve really seen this come into play with relationships. I want to hold on to the people that I care about so deeply – I want them to be safe, to be blessed, to be comfortable, to stick around. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but it can go wrong quickly. When my security or worth is wrapped up in relationships with my friends, family, coworkers, etc. then it’s dependent upon their approval and presence in my life. That’s incredibly unstable, and I come to Jesus with my fists tightly clinging to things I falsely mistake as being mine. I arrogantly assume that I know better than Him. When I recognize that everything and everyone in my life is “on loan” from Him, I’m much more apt to come to him with open hands – because I have no right to tell Him how to manage His things or His kids. It’s a position of dependence, of trust, and of recognizing that my worth comes from Him – independent upon who or what is in my life at the time.  It frees me up to learn from the folks who are in my life in the present tense – to glean all I can from them, and to pour it out again.

It’s tough, letting someone get close to you. The closer you let people in, the more you risk getting hurt or having to say goodbye down the road. It comes with the territory – but it is beautiful territory. The more open my hands are before the Lord, the more my security has to be found in Him.  Change becomes a little less scary when I accept that He is in control and that I am not…because He is good. He is so good… and He doesn’t change.

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