wednesday morning

my alarm buzzed off at 5am this morning - and i had every intention of getting up, making some green tea, having some time with Jesus and then meeting Rachel for our library-study-cram-sesh before-test date. however, i overslept and woke up at 6:33 - leaving the apartment and getting to Rachels at 7am. i was completely reminded of God's sovereignty in the car - just how today is His and He's completely sovereign over it...again, that He is good and that He is for my good. He's a good Dad and He knows i needed the extra sleep.

seasons have been a theme for me since school started - maybe they always have been, but it's definitely more pronounced now. i'm continually reminded that i'm in this season for a particular reason, whether i like it or not, i'm learning the necessity of being content and being present - of inviting the Lord to teach me all that He wants me to learn in this season - in this time. not looking back to past seasons or forward in worry or anxiety about the future ones - but just focusing on where i am now...and trusting that where i am now is exactly where i need to be. the diseases of comparison and insecurity no longer have a right to ravage me - the spirits of fear, anxiety, and pride have no right to my heart or mind in the name of Christ. While i hate all of those things, they are so rampant within me so much of the time - and i'm learning that they have no right to be present in my life. There's so much authority and power in the name of Christ that i don't even comprehend, but i'm learning, and He's teaching.

one thing i do love, is this season of Autumn - as everything in creation is changing, i feel change - and while i dislike change and my tendency is to fear and be anxious - i DO love changing leaves and cooler weather, open windows and apple pie, and pumpkin spice smells. it's always been odd to me that my favorite season is one in which everything is preparing to die - lots of people see winter as cold, dark, and spring as a season in which everything comes alive - but i think sometimes that fall - in all of it's beauty - is a season in which dying begins - the leaves, in all of their lovely colors,are essentially dying. i don't mean this to sound morbid, i only mean that the process of dying/learning to die is not fun at all, no one looks forward to it - yet it's one of the most beautiful things.