if you give a mouse a cookie....

one of my favorite kid books was about giving a mouse a cookie... if you give a mouse of cookie, he might just want a glass of milk to go with it... the point is that the mouse will always want more than just the cookie.

today was one of those days where i just felt blah and worthless. i got nothing accomplished and i've been in a state of "blah-ness" since yesterday after taking 2 exams and not feeling like i did well at all. today was just plain bad.

i didn't wake up wanting to spend time with God, which is odd because we've been hanging out a lot and He's been teaching me stuff. but some sins are easier to ignore and hide than deal with, especially when you don't know HOW to deal with them, and eventually they catch up with you i guess. stuff like pride and bitterness. people only see the extent of them if you let them most times, and most times people are too self-aware to notice them at all. but they still take their toll i guess.

this morning i was just exhausted, in every way. i went to open lab and class and totally zoned out. i came home and made lunch and did nothing. i went to Target and Walmart with Sandy and managed to waste soo much time, it was fun, but it still was avoiding work that needed to be done ;) and even now, i should be working on stuff but am i? no! and i'm just not there mentally to do it either.

i feel bitter. it's a disgusting and ugly thing to feel and be. it's awful, giving Satan a foothold and watching him start to ebb at your heart...but feeling too exhausted to do anything about it. maybe it'd be better if i knew HOW to "get rid of all selfishness, rage and bitterness..." ???? honestly, when i feel bitter about something it's soo frustrating. i know that it's stupid, that i shouldn't, that if anythign it hurts me worse than it does anybody else (if it even does at all) and that it's poison.... but how do you combat bitterness??

so i'm watching elizabethtown for the second time in the past 36 hours.... my 3rd movie in the past 36 hours. i feel worthless, frustrated, and i'm wondering how the mouse got into the kitchen in the first place.

the only thing i've accomplished today has been this post, reading a joyful essay entitled "a modest proposal" (depressing), and cooking black beans... and even those turned out crunchy.

hmm... it's a comforting thought that God doesn't have days like this one.