Gracias!

 Hello Family!

           I just wanted to thank you for your prayers and support throughout my adventure to Ecuador. I wish that each of you could see how the Lord used you while we were caring for the Shuar Indians right now, but I know that you will get to meet many of them on the other side of the cross. For now, here are some stories and pictures to serve as a reminder of just how good our God is and how blessed it is to pour out our lives before Him:
             This girl was 20 years old. Seven years ago a tree fell on her home killing two of her brothers and seriously injuring her arm. Her first surgery resulted in a large keloid that fused her arm together for the past seven years. Through the help of a gracious doctor, we were able to surgically correct her arm in an OR at the local Red Cross. With physical therapy, we expect her to recover full function of her arm!

Before Surgery



Our "OR"



Those would be recycled Gatorade bottles

Adrienne and I with our patient and her mom after surgery

During our second clinical day we were able to remove oral cancer from a man’s mouth. While handing out worming medications to the school children, I noticed a speck in one girl’s eye that looked abnormal. One of the most difficult moments of the trip was hearing that it was “melanoma until ruled out.” She was referred to a specialist and will hopefully receive the treatment she needs. Please continue to pray for her!



Medical station

Pastor Miller and the school children at the evangelism station

Some of the local kids - they loved having their picture taken

My first wound debridement - this little boy was hit by a truck. He was a trooper!

 It was amazing to see the Lord provide. We landed in Ecuador only to have the majority of our medications confiscated in the airport due to a miscommunication. We left that night wondering how we were going to do clinics with no antibiotics, no vitamins, no medications except for some antihistamines! There was a peace that I had never felt before, just waiting to see how God would provide. It turns out, most of the medicine was replaced from a closet in the mission house and we were able to purchase more adult antibiotics. We had medicine for the entire week of clinics! Our God is so good!

Outside of clinics, it was amazing to see the Lord moving in the hearts of my team members. On our last night, one of the guys from the team was hanging out with me and the only other student believers I know on our team. He had so many questions about what we believed, why we believed it, and why we lived the way we did. God is definitely moving in his heart.

Our pre-cable car expressions

A famous waterfall

Hiking back to the bus on clinical day 3

Why yes - I am holding the head of a boa constrictor and smiling

Incision and Drainage (I&D) of a breast abscess. Maybe that's an airplane blanket we "borrowed" from Delta.

One of many active volcanoes

The week was full of hard work, heartbreak, joy, peace and frustration, but it was also full of fun. We were able to see the Amazon river, go on a cable car ride, see plenty of volcanoes and work deep in the heart of the jungle.  I can’t tell you how thankful I am for you. I hope you know how much God used your prayers and your financial support for His glory this week.  Lives were changed. People crossed over from death to life in Jesus. The church grew in number and in strength. People were healed. 

Crossing the Amazon on a sketch bridge

The creepiest pig I've ever seen in a toy store in Macas

In the jungle, if the road isn't wide enough, you make it wider with your machete.

During the many bus rides, I spent some time in prayer. I wanted to know what my motivation was for wanting to work overseas, what my purpose was, and what kept nagging at me that I couldn't put a finger on. I realized that I had not been loving the Lord with all of my heart, all of my mind, and all of my strength. I was missing out on that abundant life, that intimacy with Jesus – I was tired of complacency. Two days later, I asked Brother Guillermo to share his testimony with me.  He spoke about a time in his life where he decided to love Jesus with everything. He said two things that struck me, having no idea what God had been teaching me that week. One I will leave with you, “The difference between traditional Christianity and having abundant life is accepting the invitation to go on a great adventure of faith with Jesus everyday.”  You have played a crucial role in this great adventure of faith in Ecuador. My prayer for us is that we would continue each day loving Jesus with everything, accepting His invitation of living a life of adventure in faith with Him.

There will be many more posts, with many more stories later.

<3 a

leaving on a jet plane.....

....headed to the Amazon jungle!

In 24 hours I will be leaving Clemson and headed towards Atlanta, where I'll be getting on a plane and flying straight to Quito, Ecuador. From Quito, we'll eventually end up in Macas where we'll be setting up clinics in surrounding areas for the week.  I'm super excited and a bit nervous, but I can't wait to see how the trip goes. God is so good, and so great. I know that He has some big things in store for us as we go - but I crave your prayers!

Ways you can pray:

* Our Team
        -Unity! We're coming from all over and we'll meet each other in Atlanta. Pray for unity as we get to know each other and dive into ministry together.
        -Flexibility - We've got no idea what we're walking into but Jesus does - pray for flexible attitudes as we juggle crazy schedules, travel fatigue, etc.
        -Health - Several of our team members are coming with health issues - severe allergies, etc. that can be exacerbated in the jungle. Pray for our health and that God's strength would be perfected in our weakness
        -Freedom from anxiety, fear, and stress!
        - Time to press into Jesus - to play "hide and seek" with Him as we pursue deeper intimacy
        -Wisdom and discernment as we care for folks - and that God would MULTIPLY our resources as we encounter need!
*Shuar Indians
        - These are the lovely people we'll be working with in Ecuador! We'll come with our medicine, vitamins, etc. but there is only one thing that I have that will make them whole and give them life - and that's Jesus. Please pray for healing, salvation, and encouragement over the Shuar Indians. Pray that we would be humble and teachable - as God has much to teach us. Pray that lives would begin and that hearts would be made new as folks come to know Jesus as their Lord, Savior and Healer.
   
Above all - pray that God would be most glorified.

Here are a few pics as we get ready to leave:

 I certainly won't go hungry in the airport - or lack medicine

 This is Flat Stanley - Adrienne's 2nd grade cousin sent him to us to take to Ecuador. He's delivering toothbrushes that will go to the Shuar Indians.

 Mom came to help me pack! I love her.

 This is what I woke up to this morning - my lovely roommate made me breakfast to start spring break off on the right foot!

The pancake queen!

<3 a 

peace of Christ

Peace is some thing that I've never really understood or felt often in my life.  Since I can remember, I have always been an anxious and fearful person. There is no rationale behind it, I'm just not naturally peaceful.  I've been reading through John (one of my favorite books in Scripture) just to get to know Jesus better. Over the past few days, I've been reading about His peace (John 14-16 are the passages I've covered this week).  How different His peace is - how He doesn't give His peace to us like the world gives peace.  How He tells us all of what He talks about in these chapters so that we'll have peace.  Our source of peace is in Him. How He tells us to take heart in the midst of the troubles in the world. 

My freshman year of college I visited this church in downtown Clemson known as DCF (Downtown Community Fellowship).  Coming from a Baptist background where everyone says "Hello" and shakes your hand during a greeting time, I was not prepared for the "Passing the Peace" at DCF.  People began hugging me and saying things like, "Peace of Christ to you." I looked like a deer caught in headlights.  That was my first experience at DCF but not my last.  I grew to understand it, and it became less weird to me.  This past Sunday, I visited DCF again with my roommate.  As the service went on, it was like Jesus just began to talk to me about His peace - and what it means for me that He is my peace. 

I realized that I am completely terrified to be alone for a period of time in the Lord's presence.  It has so much to do with my view of God and how twisted it is.  God is not angry with me or disappointed in me like I think that He is.  He's not that way at all.  As I began to just confess to the Lord why I was so afraid to be in His presence - to be so exposed before a Holy God - I began to realize what His peace means.  Jesus is my peace - His blood covers me completely, and fully satisfies God's wrath over my sin.  I am completely forgiven and God no longer holds my sin against me - though it happens so frequently - because Jesus paid for it in full (past, present, and future sin).  When Jesus says that He's my peace - it means that I can now approach the throne of God confidently to find grace in my time of need without fear or shame, because God sees Christ over me.  When Jesus says He gives His peace to us not as the world gives peace - it means that His peace is eternal and unchanging - it is not dependent upon my feelings towards it or the circumstances surrounding it. 

Lately walking with the Lord has been a few baby steps forward and a giant leap backwards, as He continues to teach me and exercise my faith - working out all of my doubts and misconceptions.  As I continue to struggle with hard questions and bring these doubts before the Lord, I'm beginning to see that hanging around for the answer doesn't have to be a fearful experience.  That conviction and sanctification hurt, but they don't distance or separate me from the Lord - they bring me closer to Him. He has begun to break down walls in my heart brick by brick, with the first brick being a clarification of His peace and the implications of His peace in my life.  In the midst of anxiety, fatigue, uncertainty and chaos I have an immovable Rock who is for me, not against me. That's comforting.
<3 a

slow mornings

Over the last couple of weeks my sleep schedule has had a mind of its own.  I'm usually up around three, six, and then very awake by seven am.  I like not having to set an alarm on most days, especially on my days off.  There's something so peaceful about waking up to the sound of rain, or birds (or both depending on the time) and being able to stay in bed for a bit.  There's no rushing, no stress - just this quiet stillness that surrounds you as you're nestled in sheets.  You just get to meet the day.

This is probably my favorite part of the day. It's not because I like being awake more than I like sleeping, but because I get to have a few minutes just to pray before I get up.  Before the day gets too crazy, before I encounter trialing circumstances or surprise upsets, and before I hear any type of news, both good and bad, I have a minute to just talk to my Maker.

Most of the time He hears groaning - in fact, I didn't speak for the first 20 minutes of being awake in the morning during high school.  Every "Good Morning!" was met with a "Ughrrah" and a yawn. Still, there's something quite honest about the time I spend half praying/half snoozing. 

I've been thinking about my struggle with perfectionism lately. I'm exhausted from trying to compete, measure up, compare, etc. in every aspect of my life - there's so much judgment and criticism. It's a completely mental battle, and it's impossible to rest and find joy when you're believing lies rooted in appearance and performance. Like Solomon said - it's all vanity. I'm reminded that while man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart. I wonder what He sees when He looks at my heart. I wonder what it would be like to see like He sees - to have His vision - to see the hearts of others and how much He cherishes each one.  I was reading in Proverbs 31 this morning, and as I read about this insanely awesome woman, I kept thinking "Oh, I need to be like that. Oh, I should do this. Oh, this looks like..." and then I realized how sneaky that works-based mentality is! It's so easy for me to go into that pattern of dysfunctional thinking! And then I got to the end of the chapter: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

There is this overwhelming invitation from Jesus Christ into grace and rest . Thank God! His burden is light (and free of vanity, striving, and insecurity).

doubting thomas

These past few weeks have been like one long roller coaster of contradiction - lows of doubts followed by quick peaks of faith, deeper lows of doubts, and twists of everyday life.
For a quick(ish) update, here's the skeleton of the roller coaster: 
 1. I've got an interview at Vanderbilt - in two weeks I'll be in Nashville interviewing, looking at housing, and exploring a new city that I could potentially call home for the next five years of my life.
2. I've got an interview with Teach For America - I know, who saw that coming? not me.
3. I hate doubt. anxiety feeds off of doubt. and I hate them both. I hate that the first place satan attacks me is my identity in Jesus.
4. God is so faithful.  He's been restoring relationships within my family like crazy - exceeding all of my meager expectations. For the first time in years I feel like I have a stable relationship with my dad. I'm slowly starting to breathe without fear.
5. Comparison steals joy and stays rooted in pride - which is ironic, since it's also seeded in insecurity
On another note, I was in the mall last weekend (yup- shopping). As I was rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off (because I dislike the mall - you should see how fast I can walk in the mall), I started to worry about finding a sweater to go with my interview outfit.  I started to compare myself to others, wondering how I stood up, and then I started to worry that I might not get the job if I didn't look or sound professional enough, say the right things, etc.  As I'm rushing through the mall to try one more store, Matthew 6 popped into my head.  The thought went something like this, "Why do you worry about clothes? Your Heavenly Father knows what you need."  It was followed by, "Don't you know that if I want you at Vanderbilt, you will be at Vanderbilt? And if not, don't you know that what I have for you is better?" I felt better immediately...and I found a sweater (in case you were wondering).
In the midst of the doubt, the sucky heart attitude, and all of the things that make me so very human, I find comfort in the fact that I cannot screw this up beyond repair.  I don't know what's next, but I know that it will be good - because He is good, and He is for my good.
Friends - nothing we can do can make God love us more, and nothing we can do can make Him love us less.

lesson of the loaves

"Human resources, however limited, when willingly offered and Divinely empowered are more than sufficient to accomplish Divine goals."
- S. Briscoe

My life is yours.
<3 a

dreams

most days i feel like one big walking conflict. i have big dreams - romantic dreams (not like the movies or novels really), scary dreams, overwhelming dreams, challenging dreams, the kind of dreams that motivate you to reach for goals that excite and terrify you. but it doesn't take much to freak me out, and if you ask anyone i'm close to they would quickly tell you that i tend to be annoyingly realistic and often times negative in my thinking. balancing the dreamer and the intuition with the practical and sensing is one of the most difficult things about my personality.

you could probably care less about any of that. but tonight i feel a bit trapped. i know what i want to do with my life, but i'm not sure how to get there, or my motives behind it. i feel scatterbrained and unfocused. i find myself dreaming of working with young women, of adopting orphans, of all kinds of things - and most of the time these dreams don't involve waiting around on the dream of marriage which adds to the fear of it all.

what terrifies me is that i believe that i am so unqualified to do what i dream of doing. i've grown up sheltered, and i'm grateful because my story has been riddled with God's preventative grace. i have no idea what it's like to grow up in poverty, or to be abused, or to be abandoned. i don't know what addiction is like, or what it means to grow up never feeling loved or wanted. i'm afraid of all of those things. i feel as though i've bitten off way more than i could ever chew, let alone swallow. and as much as i'm afraid of being in over my head, i'm equally scared of living the American dream. it's not that the American dream is wrong, it's just that something in me longs for a bit more than a life built around things that will pass away. i've never wanted for anything, and never had to work for anything in my life, so it's easy to say that i want more than the American dream when i've never had to go without it a day in my life. the idea of casting the American dream aside has become rather trendy and glamorized, but it's not at all. i love being comfortable. i'm afraid of being uncomfortable and unsafe... but my dreams don't seem to care about that fear.

i want to not be afraid, and i don't have to be any longer. i want the desires of my heart to be the same as the desires of God's heart. i want to adopt. i want to love on orphans. i want to minister to the broken. i want faith. for once in my life, i want to walk in gentle boldness and courageous love.